Piss off, Pam!

[FuckingFabulous]

A relative- 'Pam'- has pissed me right off this morning on Facebook (yes, I know, the root of all evil.)

And actually, it's not even just Pam, there are a few of them but she's the worst one!

Basically me and DH are group 6 for the vaccine. Me due to caring responsibilities for our DD and DH due to an underlying health condition. DH got the jab this morning and I reposted an article about how well the U.K. is doing with their vaccination programme and mentioned DH was currently having his vaccine and I'm having mine in a few days.

Straight away, Pam comments "so many young people having their jabs- what magic key have you all got to jump the queue? I'm Over 50 and I work with the public but I can't just waltz in like some! Oh well"

I just replied that I couldn't speak for anyone else but DH and I are in group 6, me for caring and him for health reasons and were invited to book, so there has been no queue jumping, and I realise it's frustrating to wait to be called when there are so many hopes riding on it. She then commented "So because you're a parent with normal parenting responsibilities, you are saying you have got rights ahead of me, a person over 50? Don't make me laugh."
I didn't reply because I was fuming as she knows full well that I have a round the clock caring role for my daughter (and she's a woman who wouldn't even have her own 20yo DD home to recover from surgery as it was "above and beyond" her responsibility ) so I was reeling from the audacity of her! I went to make a coffee and consider my response to her. I was all for politely telling her that she's being judgemental and although she's disappointed, it's not kind to be so dismissive when she's well aware of the difficulties I face at home, but then when I looked again, I saw it had all kicked off a bit!

Pam has posted another comment saying "And what's Mr FuckingFabulous's magic key condition?" Another older female relative chimes in then with a heart reaction and a comment of "I'd also love to know this, Pam! Beggars belief!!" Pam shoots back with "last time I checked, being an idiot wasn't on the list of conditions!" Cue about five laugh reactions from older relatives and comments like "this is why I love you, you say it like it is, Pam!"

DH has ADHD. Not sure if all older relatives know this but Pam, the one who called him an idiot, does indeed know!! I've had to speak to her and her husband before when they both expressed an opinion that ADHD and ASD don't exist and they're excuses for poor performance. And it is not even the condition which entitles him to a jab. Several people have also commented to her and some of the others that their comments are disgusting and Pam has been popping on a copy paste reply of "I am entitled to my opinion - it's a free country still."

So Pam has dismissed my caring responsibilities and taken the piss out of my DH for his ADHD. I have deleted the thread and spoken to my mum about it and she said it's best just to leave it, we don't want bad feelings in the family. Um, what about MY feelings? Or DH's??

WIBU to message Pam and tell her how bloody vile she is?? I should do it to all of them really, but I doubt it would have any impact.

@FuckingFabulous I am late to this (vaccine) party but would like to commend your patience on this thread and also your class in linking to NHS resource websites.

I am someone who rarely, if ever posts on Facebook but I live in a community that is extremely distrustful of the vaccine and so I applaud those who can help to normalise it. I'm also not in the UK and from the outside, it seems the NHS has done a marvellous job with the roll out. It's so reassuring to me that close family members I haven't seen for years now (and probably won't for at least another) have had the vaccine. It's wonderful and should be celebrated more!

I don't understand this sour mentality that some people seem to have. "Pam" had it coming and you certainly delivered May you enjoy the peace.

@dontdisturbmenow

Because she, a perfectly healthy woman in her 50s, has to wait a few more weeks than we do, she chose to be absolutely vile about the reasons why we are in group six. That's the outrage That's fair enough although I do agree with her that in family of two parents, I don't see why carers should take priority either. Losing a parent as a child is devastating whether they were a full time parent or not.

Saying that, I've made it clear that her reaction was unacceptable and rude, and totally inappropriate, but I still think you had no reason but to brag by posting it in the first place especially if you'd already posted about the benefit of vaccination before.

You do understand that a carer has a different parental role to a parent carer? It’s not about ‘how upsetting’ it is for a child. It’s about how that child, who has extra needs, is physically looked after while their parent is sick, not that they are judged to be ‘extra sad’ if a parent dies. I am a carer for my child - were I sick, there is absolutely no one who is qualified or able to look after him. There’s no friend who could step in for a few days. He would have to go to social services, who are extremely stretched. He has round the clock high needs. Which is why he is registered disabled, and I am his carer.

Me too. I've unfollowed a few conspiracy theorist anti vaxxers instead of be subjected to their tripe on my timeline. I have never once felt the need to publicly argue with them or make cunty comments. I've just removed them from my view. Isn't that what normal people do? Or am I missing something... You know,I’m more and more inclined to think that it isn’t.

people so often become upset at things they’ve seen on facebook and then feel the need to go and argue about it.

My DP does it and it drives me up the wall. His half sister, with whom he barely has any relationship, has decided to become an anti vaxxer to the point he says she comes across as deranged, because she just shares video’s about Bill gates and aliens and Christ knows what else Even her own sisters have told her she’s lost the plot, and DP insists on wading into the arguments and gets more and more frustrated that she thinks the way she does.

And my response is that you can’t argue with stupid. It doesn’t matter what you say, these people don’t want to hear it.

He finally unfriended her last night after she posted an inflammatory post which attracted much comment and then deleted it when she didn’t get the answer she hoped.

But why put yourself through it.

If people walked away more from these kinds of arguments etc and just didn’t engage the internet wouldn’t cause nearly the amount of upset that it does.

@PuggyMum

Wow. Just because I don't understand why people would put their medical stuff on Facebook invokes sympathy for me???

I just find people are too quick to share too much on social media in general and it will invite responses you don't always anticipate or want.

Re things like going for smear tests and opening up about mental health and the vaccine, of course we should prompt discussion but my neighbours don't need me to post a pic of me with my thumbs up saying 'I've been for my smear today'.

Nope, the sympathy was for having the kind of people on your FB where you'd assume an inoffensive comment would warrant and justify nasty abusive language from people who are meant to care about you. I posted when we had ours, it never occurred to me that anyone who cared about us would be upset we'd had it as DS has disabilities and they're healthy and middle aged.

You put things on SM and unfortunately open yourself up

In this case, Pam was being vile about people with disabilities in general, and OP's dh and son in particular, long before OP posted anything on social media! The vaccine incident seems to be the last straw. But even if OP hadn't posted anything on Facebook, it wouldn't alter the fact that Pam has a pattern of being vile. If she hadn't had the opportunity to use the vaccine as a pretext, she would have used something else, as she has in the past.

This isn't some slight acquaintance on social media; it's a family member, who unfortunately has a pernicious influence on other family members.

That's fair enough although I do agree with her that in family of two parents, I don't see why carers should take priority either. Losing a parent as a child is devastating whether they were a full time parent or not.
DS care needs mean it isn't just a case of family stepping in as they would for our twins. They couldn't get support from community care as they'd have to isolate the kids if we had it, so he'd likely end up on a hospital ward being cared for there whilst the twins went to anyone willing

You put things on SM and unfortunately open yourself up
If Aunty Pam had seen op and her partner in the queue and had stopped to ask what they were doing, and had then spewed her vitriol, would that be ok or not? If she bumped into her at the park and commented op didn't look 100% , should op lie or say it's just from the jab so that her aunt and her mates don't start piling on to call her DH an idiot because of his condition and generally dismiss the vulnerability of their child? Or is only on SM people deserve abuse for existing?

Ah my bad.

I don't think anyone would post nasty or abusive comments if I were to share my medical stuff at all.

I just prefer to keep my medical treatments and issues private.

I'm actually chuckling as I'm going for a treatment for piles in a few weeks under a GA, which I've been waiting ages for - maybe I should test the water and see what responses I get!

@SleepingStandingUp

You put things on SM and unfortunately open yourself up If Aunty Pam had seen op and her partner in the queue and had stopped to ask what they were doing, and had then spewed her vitriol, would that be ok or not? If she bumped into her at the park and commented op didn't look 100% , should op lie or say it's just from the jab so that her aunt and her mates don't start piling on to call her DH an idiot because of his condition and generally dismiss the vulnerability of their child? Or is only on SM people deserve abuse for existing?

You have echoed exactly what I said earlier - what is this mentality of "opening yourself up" to abuse just because you dare to use SM? Why???? Can any single person on this thread who subscribes to that view, please explain this?! And how it's different to a real life conversation, in which the person being abusive would 100% be considered the arsehole and not the speaker?? Anyone??

There are some grim fuckers on this thread. Perhaps they shouldn't use FB at all for fear of reading good news
Ignore OP. Pam is horrible and so are many on here

@fistasledge

Nerrrr ner ner nerrrr neerrr, my husband has an illness that makes him more likely to be seriously ill or die from Covid than you so he's had the jab! And I'm a full time carer to my teenage daughter who can't even dress herself so I also got the vaccine before you..,, nerrrr nerrrr

To coin a phrase HTH...

I don't begrudge people the vaccine so I'm not sure why you're telling me why you got it. I haven;t had it but I've also already had the virus and survived so I'm not worried about myself. I'm glad my mum has had it though.

I certainly don't care if you fist or the OP or any other random person on the internet have had it. Knock yourself out. HTH.

Well, this thread has been eye-opening.

For what it's worth I think you've been incredibly forbearing @FuckingFabulous. I'm glad your DH has received his first vaccine and that you will receive yours soon. I find it surprising that people regard having the vaccine 'early' due to health conditions or caring responsibilities is considered queue jumping and can only assume that people that think like this are deeply self-centred.

Btw everyone who thinks that claiming you're playing the devil's advocate is licence to say incredibly vile things - it's not. Look it up. It just makes you look unpleasant and I should imagine it won't make you feel particularly great in the long run either.

The thing i find fascinating about FB is that you see people you previously thought were intelligent, sensible, professional, vaguely proficient at being an adult behave in wierd arse ways. Not Pam who has a history of being a prick, but others.

I have a colleague on my fb who always struck me as wise, and professional. But she engages in the most extraordinary slanging matches online with her adult daughter and they both seem completely fucking deranged.

I just post pics of cute kitties on mine. (thus annoying everyone else but in a different way )

@PuggyMum

Ah my bad.

I don't think anyone would post nasty or abusive comments if I were to share my medical stuff at all.

I just prefer to keep my medical treatments and issues private.

I'm actually chuckling as I'm going for a treatment for piles in a few weeks under a GA, which I've been waiting ages for - maybe I should test the water and see what responses I get!

But there's choosing to not tell people about the jab (your piles) because you don't want to share and not doing it for fear of abuse.

It's like some posters and Aunty Pam have read "we got it, yay NHS, do have it when you can" as "oi fuckers, Boris think I'm more important than YOU because you're a dick and the world wants you to catch Corona Virus"

Ugh, that was a bit garbled. Making lunch & mning don't mix well.

I think the horrible people here are those assuming everyone who disagrees with bragging sharing having the vaccine on SM is like Pam. Many people have been clear that what Pam did was unacceptable but wouldn't share this stuff on SM. Each to their own but bullying those people for having an alternative view is shitty behaviour.

It's like some posters and Aunty Pam have read "we got it, yay NHS, do have it when you can" as "oi fuckers, Boris think I'm more important than YOU because you're a dick and the world wants you to catch Corona Virus"

Which brings me nicely back to my earlier point - how a person chooses to interpret the intent and tone of a FB post says far, far more about themselves, than it does the poster. When I see vaccine posts - I instantly interpret it with your first sentence. Then there are those with their own issues, who instantly see the second message.

I'm sorry you've got someone like that in your life. All she needs to know is that the government's algorithm says you're at higher risk of serious illness and death from covid than she is.

Is she really saying she should get it first just because she's older? Regardless of you being at higher risk than her?

Honestly you aren't coming across well (or intelligent) at all.

How are you behaving any better than Pam? You're just like her, but won't get told so because you have the 'right' opinion.

@Cadent

I think the horrible people here are those assuming everyone who disagrees with bragging sharing having the vaccine on SM is like Pam. Many people have been clear that what Pam did was unacceptable but wouldn't share this stuff on SM. Each to their own but bullying those people for having an alternative view is shitty behaviour.

I didn't say everyone, I said some, who clearly see "had it done" as some sort of brag to make others jealous. That's not bullying.

You put things on SM and unfortunately open yourself up

In the same way that Pam opened herself to being called a cunt, but couldn't take it?

If you can't take the heat, etc etc.

@SleepingStandingUp i'm not sure what you're referring to, I don't think I've read your posts yet.

My local health authority has been asking everyone who's received their vaccine so far if they could please share that they've had it on social media, in order to encourage uptake amongst people who might be unsure or members of vulnerable communities.

Is the NHS bragging too?

@ScrambledSmegs

My local health authority has been asking everyone who's received their vaccine so far if they could please share that they've had it on social media, in order to encourage uptake amongst people who might be unsure or members of vulnerable communities.

Is the NHS bragging too?

If they are on Facebook, yes. They must be.
Apparently........

Is anyone else hoping Pam read this thread and realised that the overwhelming majority think she's an absolute tool?