Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

Partner losing £££ in stocks

194 replies

iwanttotravel · 23/02/2021 18:47

Good evening Mumsnet!

Hope someone can tell me if I am being unreasonable or not as I am unsure if I am over reacting. But I am feeling really hurt and embarrassed.

My DP of more then 10 years took an interest in cryptocurrency over the weekend. I don't know anything about it and find the whole thing confusing tbh. And although he hasn't traded in stocks before he does have investment qualifications. He told me he put ££ in some particular stock as a bit of fun, I smiled and nodded, his money his life, his fun and all that...

Yesterday I saw one of his tweets talking to someone about a different stock (not the one he had mentioned to me) and that he had bought and bought and bought again as it was low and a 'steal' apparently.

I asked him about it and he told me he had bought a bit more, (still only within ££) but I found out he had went over his monthly allowance on his credit card so would need to borrow money from savings to cover him to avoid interest charges.

This upset me as he effectively gambled our savings without asking me. He said he would cover the cost the following month and made me feel like it was his business not mine. We went to bed. I forgot about it.

Today. He messages me 'may have messed up a little bit'. That while he was purchasing, some of the payments were not processing and were in fact duplicating entries!!!! He had actually spent 10X the amount of what he originally said £££. This would all need to come from our savings and he will pay back in installments.

I told him I knew he was lying. He denied. Everything he was saying didn't add up. But he looked me dead in the eye and told me this was a bank error. He swore on our kids lives. And then long story short, he did lie and admitted to all the purchases. He lied.

I'm so sorry this went on for so long. I'm just in tears. He said he felt embarrassed about telling me. These stocks are tanking and he's losing money and I somehow feel sorry for him but he looked me dead in the eye and lied through his teeth.

I've been thinking about handing my engagement ring back. I just don't like the lying. He very well could have wiped our savings out in a weekend. He says he's going to pay it back but I want some advice on what to do. I get it's his life but if this gets worse it puts me and our kids at risk. I believe it to be incredibly reckless and could use some help as to if I'm being unfair or not.

Also any advice on people who have dealt with gamblers in the past would be appreciated. Thank you so much.

OP posts:

LolaButt · 23/02/2021 20:12

Someone who knows about crypto may be able to explain more, but I thought DOGE was essentially some sort of joke coin someone came up with to take the piss?

SendMeHome · 23/02/2021 20:14

The lying is really concerning. That he tried to outright lie to you...

But anyway I came back to say I wouldn’t suggest matched betting to someone who has impulse issues. He does, clearly, from the multiple events you’ve listed. He’ll chase a thrill, and lose a fortune.

BigGreen · 23/02/2021 20:15

I would be quite disturbed by this. Crypto is so unstable, much more than regular stocks, you should be prepared to lose the lot as it's largely speculative. He did essentially gamble with your savings without consulting you.

Inertia · 23/02/2021 20:17

Agree with @caringcarer. If savings are held jointly, take your half and put them in an ISA in your name. Don’t give up your savings, don’t take on any of his credit card debt. One of you needs to ensure there’s money to house, feed and clothe the children, and it clearly isn’t going to be him.

He needs to be the one affected by the consequences of his actions. If that means he pays credit card charges, so be it.

And keep a very close eye in case he fraudulently takes any loans out in your name/ on your property.

Botanica · 23/02/2021 20:17

Dealbreaker for me. There is no way on earth I would marry this man however redeeming his other qualities.

You can't trust him. And ultimately if he goes down, you and your family will go down with him. I couldn't personally take that risk.

therocinante · 23/02/2021 20:17

@LolaButt

Someone who knows about crypto may be able to explain more, but I thought DOGE was essentially some sort of joke coin someone came up with to take the piss?

It is. It's worth very little, then a month or so ago there was a bit of a spike after the Gamestop thing which caused a load of people to decide to try and pump it by buying, Elon Musk and a load of other famous people tweeted about it and it shot up to about 10-15x the previous price, and since then it's dropped back down. Some people in dogecoin subreddit were throwing 30k, 40k, even more at it because everyone on there was like DOGECOIN IS GOING TO THE MOON, WE CAN'T LOSE and hyping each other up... a lot of them are going to lose a lot of money. I stuck £50 in it when it was very low and took £50 back out when it was up - left the remainder in there just in case it does take off properly (it won't).

WhoStoleMyCheese · 23/02/2021 20:17

@LolaButt yeah Dogecoin is a joke..

ShanghaiDiva · 23/02/2021 20:18

@Onedropbeat

He won’t have lost

My DH was new to stocks a year or so ago and panicked when one was a small percent under what he bought it and nearly sold the lot

I told him to hold off. Think of stocks as a 5 year minimum plan and just check in occasionally

Don’t check on them every day. It’s not worth it

Consider the money locked away and one day you could actually be quite happy he did

You are assuming they can afford to have this money locked away for 5 years.

Noranorav · 23/02/2021 20:18

You're right @LolaButt. OP, ADA has been around for a while, it's an established 'alt' coin that many believe in for it's use cases. Don't know about AO and Doge is just mad (see above!). Do some research on what is being said in the crypto space about these coins. If part of a general market 'pull back', the coins may be consolidating their value. If tanking because everyone is dumping for a specific reason e.g it's been outlawed that's worse. No advice from me because that wouldn't be wise but do take a look at Nugget News too - aussie guy who explains crypto and also predicts what coins will do based on their technical signals. All the very best of luck to you.

Botanica · 23/02/2021 20:21

Also it's only a loss when you pull out.
Some good insight above, an I would so your research and make a decision on whether you want to take the loss now, or sit it out and hope for a rebalancing over the long term.

There's two ways to play the crypto market - one for short term gains and the other for the long haul.

themuminator · 23/02/2021 20:21

The lying straight out to your face... That is a deal breaker for me. Other people have different tolerances to this but it is worrying.

Seeking help to understand his impulses at least and recognition that the lying can't continue are both needed.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 23/02/2021 20:22

As PP said get the savings in an account of your own and no joint debts/accounts as his debts will be solely in his name.

LemonSwan · 23/02/2021 20:22

I am looking to get into this since the weekend high of Bitcoin.

I have been researching all weekend and really you have to see this as a very expensive lottery ticket. It is gambling. You may win big, you may lose.

The smaller alt coins like DOGE are not something where I would want lots of money. You either need to cut your losses and see this as a very expensive mistake or HODL (hold on for dear life) as you embark on the rollercoaster that be Crypto

Original poster

iwanttotravel · 23/02/2021 20:24

@Botanica

Also it's only a loss when you pull out. Some good insight above, an I would so your research and make a decision on whether you want to take the loss now, or sit it out and hope for a rebalancing over the long term.

There's two ways to play the crypto market - one for short term gains and the other for the long haul.

I feel like he's forced a 'long term' on me. As pulling now would be an eye stinger.

But it can still get worse!

If he would of just played with his own money then he could of went ham. But now our joint money is involved and I feel like I've also got something at stake.

So annoyed.

OP posts:

LolaButt · 23/02/2021 20:26

I think you need to set very clear financial boundaries with him OP if you’re going to stay with him.

ArmchairTraveller · 23/02/2021 20:27

There is also that part of me that feels bad for him and think he could use a cuddle

That’s what you do for a teenager that’s cocked up, and then you help them out of the mess they’re in if you can. Not an adult man with children who lies and lies.
Secure your finances, and don’t give him access to your money again. Ever.
I’d say leave, but of course you won’t.
If he’s serious about getting out of his gambling issues, you take control of the finances, including his credit card. Cancel it, cut it up.
Or if he isn’t, he’ll continue to lie and use joint money and you and your children will be stuffed.

Jenala · 23/02/2021 20:29

He's obviously not been sensible and was hoping for a quick payday. The crypto market has had a real low this weekend possibly partly due to a big BTC sell by a mining pool. Its very likely the prices will go back up slowly, especially something like ADA. It's probably worth staying in for now rather than sell the tokens at a loss.

What he's done is very dumb though you should never invest more than you're willing to lose. Trouble with crypto trading is it is so easy it really appeals to gambling types.

amylou8 · 23/02/2021 20:29

Crypto has had a crazy few weeks but I don't see how he's lost it all. Can he do some damage limitation? My (modest) portfolio has dropped about 25% this weekend, but I've certainly not lost it all. If he's invested in Bit or Ethereum or the bigger altcoins the lion's share should still be intact.

Original poster

iwanttotravel · 23/02/2021 20:32

@amylou8

My issue is that he is just using a random app on his phone that I've never heard of.

Apparently there were charges for buying. As well as withdrawing.

I also saw on his statement that he was subsequently charged 3 quid every time he bought regardless of amount and he bought a lot.

I feel like even if it did go up any profits would get eaten somehow.

I think the app was called bit something but again I'm unsure.

Sorry I'm not very helpful!

OP posts:

Original poster

iwanttotravel · 23/02/2021 20:34

@ArmchairTraveller

There is also that part of me that feels bad for him and think he could use a cuddle

I do feel like his parent right now. But he feels like he knows something I don't and we aren't on the same page right now.

OP posts:

Bobbi73 · 23/02/2021 20:35

I know this isn't your point exactly but I was really cross when my partner invested money into crypto currency but last month he took it out as it's twice what he put in. He been waiting and watching and now has taken it out and we're going to spend it on something for the family.
Your husband had screws up but it might be ok if you can hold on. Good luck

Tippytaps · 23/02/2021 20:36

Did I read this correctly, he used his credit card to buy stocks?

It is one thing to spend spare cash, quite another to deliberately get into debt for this. To expect your joint savings to pick up the the financial burden on top, that is what tips this over into utterly unacceptable behaviour.

How is he taking responsibility for this? What steps is he taking to rebuild your trust?

Jenala · 23/02/2021 20:37

In fact if he's bought at this super lower price he might actually end up doing well, it's a good time to buy. ADA particularly is looking very good medium to long term. Definitely don't take them out for now. He can set a limit order so things automatically sell when they reach a price. He could set that to his buy price to get your money back... Or just wait. Could easily 3X very soon. It's a when more than an if the prices go back up.

The lying and using money without asking is fucking shit though

PicsInRed · 23/02/2021 20:40

Do you really think this is a must?

Yes.

I love him very much. I want to marry him.

Understandable, but not in your or your kids' best interests.

Do you honestly believe it's inevitable?

More likely than not. He became fixated and obsessively spliffed a large quantity of money -borrowed money! - on what was effectively gambling. He then lied about it.

He's a gambler. He's not a financially safe person to legally tether yourself to - if he sinks, you and the kids sink with him.

If you stay with him, I would do so unmarried (and will your assets to the kids perhaps with only a life interest in any house to him).

Original poster

iwanttotravel · 23/02/2021 20:40

If these damn things do take off and he expects a thanks I will slap him

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8