Partner annoyed because I was in the middle of something when he got home.

[Ejkipb]

So i went from working full time, to coming out completely due to pregnancy complications and becoming a full time mum. I keep on top of the housework, 8/10 nights I'll have my SO's tea sorted when he comes home, and if I don't it's because I've had an awful day with my pregnancy. Lately I've been really down as Im suffering with SPD and I just feel miserable. He encouraged me to start gaming and streaming. So I joined an online group and agreed to stream every Monday at 8pm (unless something comes up with the kids etc) ... My SO was there when I agreed to this. Yet today... He came home from work at around 8:30 and I was doing my stream. I came downstairs at 9:00 when I finished and I instantly hugged him and said "as fun as that was, I won't do it again at that time as I didn't like being busy when you came in and unable to speak to you properly"... Despite this being my first contact, he was visibly angry. He lashed out (verbally) at my son for a minor thing, and then when I asked what was wrong he proceeded to say how I had been rude for being on the stream when he was due home, and that I barely spoke to him, (which I didn't, but because I was livestreaming with headphones on) and that I shouldn't have done it knowing he was due home. He then stressed that he had to make "not much of a tea" because there was no chicken breast in to go with his pasta he chose, he then walked in to the other room continuing to state how rude his welcome home had been etc. I can't help but feel really angry at the way he is being. I'm 37wks pregnant and don't know whether it's hormones making me angry or its genuine, but I feel like.. I do all I can, with SPD and being this far gone, with a 7yo, 4yo also at home, the dishes were done, house immaculate, yet because there wasn't any chicken in he had to make a point that he was having "not much of a tea" .. there was so much more in he could have made I must add! And there actually is chicken in, just not the type he prefers. I feel like no matter how much I do... It doesn't matter... This one time that I am preoccupied when he comes home, and he hasn't got tea sorted, and it's like I'm the worst person in the world! I just feel so crappy and I don't know if Im overreacting or not. I've not argued with him I've just sat downstairs on my own because I don't want the confrontation.. but he's not spoken to me since.

FFs she didn't!!!! Read the OPs posts at least,

Get off the fucking computer. I'd be annoyed if I had to knock to get through my own front door because you're too lazy to use your own key or because you need to be greeted at the door like a Lord / Lady?.

never mind about the dinner what about dinner? There was dinner available. There were extras available. He decided he didn't want what op made. So she should jump up (at 37 weeks pregnant with bad SPD) and cook him new food??

Your dh is out of order but I am sorry you 7 year old should not be opening the front door to anyone particularly with you on another floor. You say that you knew it was your dh (who should have used his key) but it easily could have been anyone.

I have read the OPs posts. What am I missing? She says she sent her 7 year old as she knew it was him.

Christ he need to GTFU. Did mummy not pay the poor little man enough attention when her little prince came through the door. Man child 🙄

I just saw this thread this morning. Took me all of 5 mons to read the OPs posts, helpfully collated by MN. I've now gone back and read p6 and most of the replies on there show that people are not reading the OPs info before they post. The 4 year old was in bed by 8pm - pretty normal. The older dd was in her room watching TV - pretty normal. They have not been "packed off" so the OP can go on a screen and "streaming" could just mean participating in a live role play or something that is real time so can't be paused. Its been pre-arranged to fit in with the children and she dealt with her 4 yo wanting a drink. The DP HAS HIS OWN KEY!!! what grown arse man can't open his own fucking front door and amuse himself for 10 mins including getting himself some tea? I will never understand why "being at work all day" somehow equates to adult males having to collapse in a swooon of exhaustion and female attention the moment they arrive home. I work FT as a single parent - no-one waits on me, greets me lovingly as I come through the door or cooks my special chicken. OP he was being an absolute arse and I would read him the riot act and remind him that when the baby comes he will likely be making his own dinner and doing his own washing and lots else besides. If he doesn't like it he shouldn't have moved in with someone (and made a child) who already has kids.

Oh and I think a 7 year old opening the door at the time it was 99.9% likely to be the expected person is fine.

I really wish some of you would read the actual thread. The poor Op is being criticised for things she hasn't done and you are really missing the point!!!

He doesn't realise how good he has it... He would get no apology from me. What an entitled dick

I have read it!! No one can tell me what I am missing. Is there a dispute that she sent her 7 yo to answer a front door on another floor at night time?

@FilthyforFirth

I have read it!! No one can tell me what I am missing. Is there a dispute that she sent her 7 yo to answer a front door on another floor at night time?

What you are missing is: he had a key but chose not to use it, and: the kids were both already in bed but he still chose not to use his key Hth

Tell him to fuck off & see how rude he thinks that is !! On a serious note though OP what do you actually get out of your relationship with this pig of a man child?? I mean seriously throwing a strop because he had to get his own tea & you wasn’t there to greet him when he came home from work 🙄 what is he - some kind of God?? I also wouldn’t be happy about him snapping at my child/children it’s not right for him to take his frustration(s) out on you or the children it seems as though he’s got a lot of growing up to do !! I’m not gonna say you should leave him as it’s your relationship & your choice OP but from what you’ve written here it really does sound like you (and your children) could do so much better without him in your lives !! I also hope the pain subsided for the rest of your pregnancy x

Subsides**

He sounds like a cunt - I'd give him a rude fucking welcome.

he then walked in to the other room continuing to state how rude his welcome home had been etc

His welcome home, jesus.
He wants you to be a Stepford Wife.

He's not entitled and not usually an arse either. But once something annoys him it's so hard to deal with him. It's like everything else is magnified and so much worse to him.

But you said that when something annoys him he feels entitled to be hard to deal with and to lash out. You do have a big problem. Are you going to spend the rest of your life carefully not doing anything to annoy him and stopping the children from doing anything to annoy him? Or are you going to wait for a time when he is an relatively calm mood and then tell him that is not acceoptable behaviour and he needs to rein it in and learn how to deal with annoyance in an adult way, or else risk losing his family?

in general he is fantastic with them and always has been.

Except that he feels entitled to lash out at them when he is annoyed with you. Not fantastic. Not fantastic at all. Nasty, cruel and manipulative. He's using them to get his own way with you.

So you have DC already and pregnant with your first with DP? So why have you given up work, your not married, your with a man who treats you like a 1930s housewife. He lashes out at your other DC. Now unless your going to tell me you have your own home, bought and paid for and in your name and you have your own money then fair enough. However this man is showing you who he is now that your reliant on him

@ifitpleasesandsparkles

Rude welcome? What the fuck? Why do you have to be at the door to greet him like a dog? I don't understand this at all...

Cos he wants a dog. A dog that loves him unconditionally, has sex with him, and does all the cooking and cleaning.

but he does usually expect a hello (kiss) how was work etc

He expects it 🙄

He really knows his price, dickhead.

How many times a day does he call you from work? You said he was annoyed he couldn't call you on his way home, but he'd spoken to you earlier and he was OK? It almost sounds like he's checking up on you

As you were streaming at the time you agreed you’d do it he should have known. I’d just say I don’t know what your problem is, you knew I’d be streaming and you have a key. Don’t apologise. He was irritable and taking it out on you which isn’t fair. He should apologise to you.

Also, he has his own key. He didn't actually have to knock. A lot of front doors self lock and require a key.. it's not the worst thing in the world!

For fuck’s sake! He sees himself as king of the castle!

@Ejkipb

Also, I did make it clear I wasn't happy about him snapping at my son, and I did take my son upstairs and sit with him until he was settled in bed. To be fair my son didn't seem very phased by being told off anyway, I would not allow anybody to upset my kids, but as I said this is an issue my little boy needs to stop as it's not polite to touch people's food in general yet he does it a lot. He's 4, almost 5.

This is a bit odd, is your partners your 4 year old's Dad? Even if not, he's not 'anybody' and he can be told off presumably. To be honest, I think I'd snap too if I came in from a long days work, had to ring the doorbell to be let in, had someone who'd already had their tea go after my sandwich, you're nowhere to be seem...it's cumulative isn't it? We none of us are at our best at the moment to be honest are we

This is my point. He doesn't expect it, if he came home and I was lying on the sofa or in bed or whatever because I was so tired or because of the pregnancy etc. He would usually happily help out. It has happened before where I have been really tired or ill and he's come home and done loads to help. Even settled the kids. But today was just so different.

This makes me wonder about a bad day at work or something. We all have them - I've been guilty myself of being moody and snappy with DP at times when I've had a shit day at work and have to remind myself it's not his fault etc. If he's normally as supportive as you say he is (especially as these are his step kids, right?), then perhaps something happened that day that he just hasn't been able to articulate for whatever reason so he has (wrongly) taken it out on you? If he's usually reasonable, sounds like a conversation with him about how this has made you feel would be a helpful starting point.

This post is ringing alarm bells.

Your DP's behaviour is completely unacceptable. Lashing out at your 4 year old son is very wrong.

Asking your 7 year-old daughter to answer the door on another floor because you wanted to continue gaming is not okay.