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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be too embarrassed and sick of asking DH for account access?

378 replies

Itchywitchy · 22/02/2021 16:13

DH has lots of our finances in accounts in his name. Each month for admin purposes I like to go through everything and check everything's ticking along ok (it is important as I usually find something that DH has forgotten to cancel, etc). Every month I am filled with dread at having to ask for numerous passwords (yet again) because DH has changed them or even once I have the password, i then need to ask him again for a one time password that is sent to his phone Blush He gets annoyed with me and I find it so embarrassing that I have to ask him for access all the time. AIBU?

OP posts:
Itchywitchy · 23/02/2021 21:22

But does it just mean that I have no interest if it came to repossession or I have no interest full stop? Because surely a bank wouldn't be asking a married spouse to be signing their interest away?

OP posts:
wellthatsunusual · 23/02/2021 21:24

@Itchywitchy

But does it just mean that I have no interest if it came to repossession or I have no interest full stop? Because surely a bank wouldn't be asking a married spouse to be signing their interest away?
No reason why they wouldn't. The bank's concern is the bank.

Having said all that, as a previous poster said, it is usually meant to be done under separate legal advice.

Wallywobbles · 23/02/2021 21:44

Can you actually have a conversation about this with your h. As in this really cannot continue. I need permanent access to all accounts and cards for joint accounts and all savings in joint names.

And if not why not?

Skysblue · 23/02/2021 21:49

When you remortgage insist both the property and mortgage are in joint names. The bank will be happy with that as long as the mortgage matches the property ‘title’ (what used to be called ‘deeds’).

He might say ‘don’t you trust me’ to which the answer is of course I do but I feel crappy that my name isn’t on the house plus it will be good for my credit score.

If you don’t manage to negotiate that then you can completely separately and without permission register your right to live in the property. This is one of the righths that came with being married (and is one of the ways in which marriage protects sahms). You don’t need permission to do this and it doesn’t matter what you signed at HSBC years ago. Info here rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/marriage-your-rights-to-your-home/#Why%20do%20I%20need%20to%20register%20my%20home%20rights?%2

Pay your salary into an account in your name or have his paid into the joint. It makes sense to treat the money the same.

Imaginetoday · 23/02/2021 21:53

@Skysblue

When you remortgage insist both the property and mortgage are in joint names. The bank will be happy with that as long as the mortgage matches the property ‘title’ (what used to be called ‘deeds’).

He might say ‘don’t you trust me’ to which the answer is of course I do but I feel crappy that my name isn’t on the house plus it will be good for my credit score.

If you don’t manage to negotiate that then you can completely separately and without permission register your right to live in the property. This is one of the righths that came with being married (and is one of the ways in which marriage protects sahms). You don’t need permission to do this and it doesn’t matter what you signed at HSBC years ago. Info here rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/marriage-your-rights-to-your-home/#Why%20do%20I%20need%20to%20register%20my%20home%20rights?%2

Pay your salary into an account in your name or have his paid into the joint. It makes sense to treat the money the same.

The answer to “ do you not trust me” is that it is a question of if he becomes mentally incapable or dead...she will at the very least have enormous issues getting the house into her name and access to their cash. She doesn’t have to make it a conversation going anywhere near separating
girlofnow · 23/02/2021 21:53

@Itchywitchy I think they sued to call them 27 year waivers when I worked for a building society. But essentially anyone living in the house over 17 who ain't named on the mortgage has to sign to say they have no interest non the house, so if the mortgage isn't paid and the bank wants to repossess, they can evict you. If you don't sign you have squatters rights essentially.

girlofnow · 23/02/2021 21:54

Gosh sorry - used to call them 17 year waivers!

Imaginetoday · 23/02/2021 21:54

Op...do you have life assurance on you both to pay off mortgage in event of his death...you need this too

girlofnow · 23/02/2021 21:54

And isn't, not ain't 😆

girlofnow · 23/02/2021 22:04

It's nothing to do with your legal right to a share in the equity of the property through the marriage. To be honest if it came to repossession probably better not to be named on the mortgage!

Bluntness100 · 23/02/2021 22:14

bank wanted to repossess the house, they wanted to make sure that no one else had an interest in the house to stop them reposessing it if my husband failed to pay

Op, no that’s not correct or possible. They don’t give a shit, if you can’t pay they repossess. You being on the mortgage doesn’t stop this. In any way shape nor form. And they don’t give out documents to sign away your rights either.

He’s had that specially drawn up via a solicitor and lied to you. The mortgage company did not request it and would not. There is no way round it. No other explanation.

You need to be on both thr deeds and mortgage together yes, but you were never going on the deeds, it wasn’t possible, so the form wasn’t necessary, what you’re writing is totally incorrect. It just doesn’t happen.

You’ve signed away your rights becayse your husband went to his solicitor and asked him to draw up a document to get you to do this then lied to you. I’m sorry but that’s it.

In fact the mortgage company will think the oppposite, as you’re married you have rights over the property. They will not imagine your husband conned you into signing them away. But even then they don’t give a shit. It’s not paid, they repossess. Irrelevant of who is on the mortgage.

Bluntness100 · 23/02/2021 22:15

[quote girlofnow]@Itchywitchy I think they sued to call them 27 year waivers when I worked for a building society. But essentially anyone living in the house over 17 who ain't named on the mortgage has to sign to say they have no interest non the house, so if the mortgage isn't paid and the bank wants to repossess, they can evict you. If you don't sign you have squatters rights essentially. [/quote]
This isn’t applicable for married couples.

girlofnow · 23/02/2021 22:26

@Bluntness100 it certainly used to and a quick google would suggest it still does. Here is a copy of the current NatWest template which requires signing by wife/husband not named on the mortgage.

To be too embarrassed and sick of asking DH for account access?
girlofnow · 23/02/2021 22:32

And skipton's says you agree to postpone your rights under marital partnership in favour of the building society's rights over the property. So it does seem to very much apply to married couples.

To be too embarrassed and sick of asking DH for account access?
girlofnow · 23/02/2021 22:37

I think we need to be careful here because while he's clearly a shit, saying he had a document specifically drawn up by a solicitor to take OP's rights to the property away and passed it off as being part of the bank's process may well not be correct, given that it seems to be fairly common procedure for a bank to require this form to be completed.

NoSquirrels · 23/02/2021 22:39

@Itchywitchy

But does it just mean that I have no interest if it came to repossession or I have no interest full stop? Because surely a bank wouldn't be asking a married spouse to be signing their interest away?
No it doesn’t mean this. In the event of relationship breakdown/divorce you can ‘register an interest’ in the house even if you’re not (yet) on the deeds. It’s not ideal though so it’s better to sort it now you know.

And no matter what anyone says to the contrary it is not the case that ALL lenders, and ALL mortgage brokers would have advised the same in order to get your mortgage (in your husband’s sole beneficiary) through quickly. You and your husband could have just been acting on shit advice.

The important thing is to sort it now you know, and decide if your husband is controlling you deliberately or it’s just a ‘for the sake of an easy life’.

No one here knows, and you need to do your own due diligence and legwork and trust your instincts. Just because Poster A has been on the mortgage & deeds as SAHM, Poster B says it’s not possible, Poster C says ‘Well, you could but..,’ - none of this will help you know if your own husband is just as financially disorganised as you or is plotting to disenfranchise you.

NoSquirrels · 23/02/2021 22:42

He’s had that specially drawn up via a solicitor and lied to you. The mortgage company did not request it and would not. There is no way round it. No other explanation.

Bluntness you clearly feel strongly but you think you’re not in possession of the full facts as it certainly could be possible the lender required this and nobody asked the right questions.

He MAY be an arse. But he MAY not be. We should be careful advising definite “facts”.

Guidebutton · 23/02/2021 22:49

@Itchywitchy

But does it just mean that I have no interest if it came to repossession or I have no interest full stop? Because surely a bank wouldn't be asking a married spouse to be signing their interest away?
It's only for the mortgage. If there's another adult living there who may have an interest, it may prevent the bank entering into possession, even if the "tenant" was only allowed a life interest, it would delay sale and repayment. PP who said otherwise is just downright wrong, but this is why the bank insisted you waive that right before granting a mortgage to your husband.

However please don't take any of the advice you've been given here. Get proper legal advice.

Guidebutton · 23/02/2021 22:53

[quote Itchywitchy]@dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby It was HSBC. I definitely didn't have any legal advice, I never even spoke to anybody or went into the bank.

It seems strange now I think back, as we were married. I wasn't just a random person living in the house. Confused[/quote]
It depends when it was done. You should have been advised to take separate legal advice, but it used to be possible to waive that right. You will have signed something to confirm you didn't want separate advice if you didn't have it. For more recent loans, banks won't accept that now because it didn't always stand up on court.

Have you organised that debit card yet?

Have you talked to DH about any of this?

Arrange to see a solicitor. Tomorrow.

Guidebutton · 23/02/2021 23:06

He’s had that specially drawn up via a solicitor and lied to you. The mortgage company did not request it and would not. There is no way round it. No other explanation.

This just isn't true. It's exactly what the bank would do. Which is why OP must get real legal advice, not take it from here.

harknesswitch · 24/02/2021 08:39

What you write op makes me go cold.

The paperwork you signed, did it come from the mortgage company, or did it come from a solicitor, did you read it fully or just go on what your dh said and sign it? I have a horrid feeling this might have been instigated by your dh so even during a divorce you don't have any right to the property.

You really need to seek legal advice, see what you can and can't do. I'm afraid, in my eyes, this seems to have been instigated by your dh to have control and to keep you away from any money.

Bluntness100 · 24/02/2021 08:56

Mortgage providers do not demand spouses give up their marital rights to the property. There is no way round it. They simoly do not.

wellthatsunusual · 24/02/2021 09:01

@Bluntness100

Mortgage providers do not demand spouses give up their marital rights to the property. There is no way round it. They simoly do not.
Which is why the mortgage lender I used to work for simply refused to do mortgages for married couples with only one named on the mortgage.

Disclaimer: I am not claiming to speak for all lenders, just the one I know about.

dementedpixie · 24/02/2021 09:03

It is a document that mortgage lenders ask for if the other party is not on the mortgage 'occupiers consent form' or similar. I remember signing one when dh and I bought our first house.

dementedpixie · 24/02/2021 09:04

Consent forms are required by lenders when an adult is to be in occupation of the mortgaged property, but that occupier is not a legal owner of the property.

The reason for the requirement is that it is now established law that such an occupier can acquire a legal interest in the property, despite his or her name not being on the deeds.

When a lender takes security over a property by way of a mortgage or charge, its ultimate sanction, if things go wrong, is to repossess the property and sell it on the open market with vacant possession. In 1981, in the case of Williams & Glyn's Bank -v- Boland, the Bank tried to repossess the property. Mrs Boland lived at the property, but her name was not on the deeds and she was not, therefore, a party to the Bank's mortgage. Mrs Boland applied to the Courts for relief against possession, on the basis that she had acquired an interest in the property and the Bank had no right to force her out. The Court decided in her favour, leaving the Bank with virtually no security. This sent the lending institutions into a panic and, in order to overcome the problem, the requirement for a non owning occupier to sign a consent form came about.
All lending institutions have slightly different consent forms but the effect of them is the same. By signing the form, the occupier

(a) acknowledges that the property is to be subject to the mortgage,

(b) consents to the creation of the mortgage, and

(c) agrees with the lender that any interest that the occupier might acquire in the property would come after, or rank behind, the interest of the lender.

If Mrs Boland had signed such a form, then she would not have been able, in 1981, to prevent the Bank either from obtaining possession of the property or from forcing her out
of occupation.

An occupier asked to sign a consent form has the right to seek independent legal advice before signing and, if there are any concerns or uncertainties, an occupier is advised to
seek such independent advice.