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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be too embarrassed and sick of asking DH for account access?

378 replies

Itchywitchy · 22/02/2021 16:13

DH has lots of our finances in accounts in his name. Each month for admin purposes I like to go through everything and check everything's ticking along ok (it is important as I usually find something that DH has forgotten to cancel, etc). Every month I am filled with dread at having to ask for numerous passwords (yet again) because DH has changed them or even once I have the password, i then need to ask him again for a one time password that is sent to his phone Blush He gets annoyed with me and I find it so embarrassing that I have to ask him for access all the time. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Itchywitchy · 23/02/2021 16:04

You can't go on the deeds of a house unless you are on the mortgage. Mortgage providers don't like this. So because I wasn't on the mortgage I had to sign something that I had no interest in the property.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 23/02/2021 16:06

@Itchywitchy

I'm in a complete panic as I'm so worried about the house. Sad Does my name not being on anything mean that I wouldn't be entitled to anything if he left us? We bought the house when we were married but put it in his name only as I was a sahm at the time. I had to sign something for the bank to say I had no interest in the property for my husband to be able to take a mortgage out in his name only.
If you are married, if you were to divorce, then the house would be considered a marital asset regardless of the name on the deeds. Don't panic.

Is your marriage generally happy? Or do you have worries about your husband other than how the finances are set up currently?

Do you think he will refuse to discuss changing things?

Jamboree01 · 23/02/2021 16:08

You will have rights but your name not being on the house could lead to complications if you do split. In the words of a very wise solicitor, nobody ever knows what is around the corner so protect yourself financially.

I’m not saying he will, but if he did choose to leave, you would be in a very vulnerable position. If something happened to him, it could be very difficult for you to access money.

Financial control/ abuse- whatever you want to call it starts slowly usually. As someone who has experienced it, you don’t necessarily realise what’s happening. There are a lot of red flags in your posts and I would be concerned if I was you.

Him not supporting you through maternity leave is exactly what I experienced amongst many other things. However, we did not have a joint account and I insisted my name be on the house.

As some have pointed out, the first port of call should be to have a discussion with him. However, if that was an easy task, I think you would have done that rather than posted on here. My ex husband used to flare up any time money was mentioned in order to put me off mentioning it. It worked.

If you can’t talk to him. I hope that you seek advice and begin to put your ducks in a row.

Bluntness100 · 23/02/2021 16:10

What? Not working doesn’t mean you can’t be on the mortgage, when we took our mortgage out, we were moving countries and my husbands employment also, so it was done on my salary only. He simply needed to submit documentation to prove who he was. He’s on the mortgage and the deeds.

Signing to say no interest in thr property is not something requested by the mortgage company. He’s done that with a lawyer to ensure he keeps it if you split.. He can literally evict you now and you’ve no rights.

I think you’ve got a significant issue op on your hands. Did you not go to the mortgage appts with him?

bigbird1969 · 23/02/2021 16:10

Sorry but you have been shafted- being a SAHM doesn’t stop you being named on the mortgage or deeds. I am not sure what you have signed but you may want to contact the bank and find out and see a solicitor

Original poster
Itchywitchy · 23/02/2021 16:10

@NoSquirrels we are generally happy but I feel an overwhelming responsibility that if something did happen then I have DC who rely on me, one with very high needs, which is why I can only work part time. The house is the main thing I care about...I would never want my children's home to be taken away from them because of an administrative mistake I made Sad

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 23/02/2021 16:11

If you are married, if you were to divorce, then the house would be considered a marital asset regardless of the name on the deeds

Not necessarily if she’s signed a document to say she takes no interest/rights to the property. She’d have a real fight on her hands and likely loose. In the meantime he can legally evict her.

Op what exactly did you sign?

Bluntness100 · 23/02/2021 16:12

[quote Itchywitchy]@NoSquirrels we are generally happy but I feel an overwhelming responsibility that if something did happen then I have DC who rely on me, one with very high needs, which is why I can only work part time. The house is the main thing I care about...I would never want my children's home to be taken away from them because of an administrative mistake I made Sad[/quote]
Op, it wouldn’t be taken from them in a divorce

It would be taken from you.

pinkyredrose · 23/02/2021 16:16

You definitely can be on the deeds if you're not on the mortgage. Which bank was it? Wonder if your husband had a mate there who 'advised' him.

C0RAL · 23/02/2021 16:16

Did you get legal advice before you signed away your rights to the Marital home ?

Guidebutton · 23/02/2021 16:20

You absolutely can go on the deeds and subsequently the mortgage if you don't work. I wanted to believe that his was all just a bit old fashioned, but he has systematically denied you your rights and lied to you about the reasons.

You probably would be entitled to a share of the house (assuming you are legally married) if you split, but meantime he could mortgage it to the max or sell it, without your knowledge or agreement.

Original poster
Itchywitchy · 23/02/2021 16:25

We are about to remortgage the house soon, so of I went on the mortgage now would it negate anything I had previously signed?

OP posts:
Pansypotter123 · 23/02/2021 16:25

Are you in England or Wales? If so, please tell me you both have made Wills, and you know the content of your husband's Will?

Original poster
Itchywitchy · 23/02/2021 16:26

This was over ten years ago, he won't even remember it (and I certainly won't be reminding him of it). As far as I'm aware it was just on the bank documents to allow him to take the mortgage out.

OP posts:
dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 23/02/2021 16:26

@HollowTalk

You had to sign to say you had no interest? When you were married?
You can be on a joint mortgage even if you are a SAHM. Lenders usually want the mortgage details and ownership to be the same. You shouldn't have had to sign that you had no interest in the property. You do have an interest as it is the marital home. Did you take 'separate legal advice' when signing this declaration? Please go and have a chat/telephone with your local Citizens Advice Bureau.
wandawombat · 23/02/2021 16:28

You should have an equitable interest in the house, as you are married. This is in law because of the many cases where wives were left homeless... Bit concerned that the paper you signed may revoke that?

You need professional advice.

However, you definitely could have been on the deeds & mortgage. I've been in & out of work all our relationship, so our many mortgages over the years were based on DH's income alone. All were joint tho, both deeds & mortgages.

Bluntness100 · 23/02/2021 16:28

I don’t think she would be entitled if they split as she’s saying she signed away her rights, and he doesn’t need a mate in the mortgage company, it’s nothing to do with them, he’s requested a solicitor draw that up.

There was a famous case recently where the woman had signed away the rights, and she was trying to get them back it was different as she’d intentionally done it, but she lost.

The op would have to argue she didn’t know she was signing away the rights to the property in court. Which based on the doc she signed could be a very difficult argument to make.

He’s set it up so she has to ask him before she can access any accounts and so he knows she’s doing it. So she can’t just ever withdraw anything. But he can. It’s all in his name and she doesn’t have Access, he changes the passwords so he knows exactly when she’s in there.

In addition he’s lied to her about the house, the deeds and her rights, to get her to relinquish all future rights if they split. He’s even had a solicitor draw up the form to be signed.

Pansypotter123 · 23/02/2021 16:31

This was over ten years ago, he won't even remember it (and I certainly won't be reminding him of it). As far as I'm aware it was just on the bank documents to allow him to take the mortgage out.

Can you access those bank documents given that you signed this disclaimer?

dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 23/02/2021 16:31

@Itchywitchy

We are about to remortgage the house soon, so of I went on the mortgage now would it negate anything I had previously signed?
If you can remortgage in joint names, you definitely should. You also need to also be named on the deeds to protect yourself. You could do a Land Registry search to see who is named at the moment.
Bluntness100 · 23/02/2021 16:31

Op to clarify.

A mortgage company has the first charge over the property. It is held as security in case of default on the loan. They can take the propert and force a sale. Giving back to thr owner any equity over what was owed.

They do not give one shiny shit if you get divorced who gets what share of the equity, you can give it all to a cat charity for all they care.

Their money is secure. You could have went on the deeds and you’re not requested to legally give up your rights to the property in the event of a divorce or death.

NoSquirrels · 23/02/2021 16:32

@Itchywitchy

We are about to remortgage the house soon, so of I went on the mortgage now would it negate anything I had previously signed?
Yes.
Bluntness100 · 23/02/2021 16:33

@Itchywitchy

This was over ten years ago, he won't even remember it (and I certainly won't be reminding him of it). As far as I'm aware it was just on the bank documents to allow him to take the mortgage out.
He will remember it, becayse he had it specially drafted. It is not required by the lender. They wouldn’t even look at it. And it would not be on bank documents, even if he put it in them.
NoSquirrels · 23/02/2021 16:34

@Itchywitchy

We are about to remortgage the house soon, so of I went on the mortgage now would it negate anything I had previously signed?
Sorry - my previous should say Yes, but make sure you check the deeds too.

If I were you, if you're generally happy, then just use starting work as a time to reorganise all the finances, sort the mortgage, joint accounts etc etc. It doesn't need to be a huge accusatory conversation and if he is a good guy then no issue. If he pushes back then you need to evaluate.

Silenceisgolden20 · 23/02/2021 16:35

[quote Fiona2020]@Blockedoff Do you have your own savings account? What happens if you ever have to go it alone?! I don’t see why people share money. My OH earns more than me. He can spend his money how he sees fit. He wants to buy a motorbike- fine by me it’s his cash! I don’t understand people sharing money. It’s dangerous. I don’t want anyone to have any control over me at all.[/quote]
If you're a family with children of course you share money. You're a family.

Bluntness100 · 23/02/2021 16:40

Op can you get hold of what you originally signed? You can get free thirty mins with many and you should get them to look at it, or post it on here. You will need to sign a new one I think to say you’ve an interest in the property and that’s no longer valid. You also need legal advice.

Also how do you pay for things if you don’t have a debit card?

Next time go with him to the mortgage appts. And be there on the solicitor calls and ask your own questions.

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