To quit my job because of my weight

[AmberMay08]

I’m due back to work in 5 weeks time.

I’ve been on maternity leave. DC was born 8 weeks before the first lockdown.

During my pregnancy my BMI was 34, not ideal, but not as bad as it is now.

I’ve gained a lot of weight since having DC and my BMI is now 40.

I was diagnosed with PND last year, I’m not trying to use this as an excuse but I just haven’t been in the right frame of mind to loose weight.

I’m terrified of going back to work. I’ll be there 3 days and I have to go into the office.
I put in writing to request working from home but my request was denied as they said the office is Covid secure. (I’ve sought advice from ACAS and they’ve said it’s not the law to work from home)

DC will be going to nursery whilst I’m at work.

I’m petrified that I will catch Covid and i know when I get it my chances of survival are very slim.
I’m 35 with a BMI of 40, I also have asthma.

I’m in group 6 for the vaccine but I have no idea when this will be.

I’m so close to just handing in my notice because it feels like to much of a risk going to work and i dont want to leave my baby without a mum.

I can’t really afford to quit but for the sake of my
Health I’d make it work.

I don’t know what I’m looking for really, just someone to tell me I’m doing the right thing.

Do you have a partner who would cover the bills? Would you have to pay back any maternity pay?
Presumably you would save on nursery fees. What does your partner say? I don't think you'd be entitled to benefits as you are resigning, but I might be wrong, as you are doing it for medical reasons.
You'd also need a plan. How long could you live like this, and what would you need to get your BMI down. Having the first vaccine will help, but it might not allay all your fears.

I think there are a few issues here.

Firstly - it is totally normal to be anxious about returning to work, I think most people have wobbles and urges to quit. The best advice in my experience is to say give it 3 months, if after that you still hate it then consider what you can change to allow more time at home.

Secondly - I know you're anxious about covid, but your BMI going up a few digits hadn't suddenly multiplied your risk, these things aren't like a cliff edge. You're at increased risk than someone slimmer, BUT you're young and female which decrease the risk. Asthma doesn't increase the risk of dying unless it's uncontrolled/brittle (you'd know if this was you). If you rigidly stick to social distancing at work, wash/sanitise your hands frequently, avoid touching your face, and wear a mask, you won't be at a much greater risk of catching it than in the street or shops.

I know it's so hard right now - lockdown plus being a new mum plus lack of sleep plus normal anxiety about returning to work. Sending you a big un-MN hug

What category does a BMI of 40 put you in?

My friend is very overweight but only 36. She was called by her GP and invited for the vaccine. When she asked why the very embarrased receptionist told her it was due to her being very overweight on their system.

Have you let the GP know your current weight? I'd advise letting them know so you get called earlier.

I've worked in offices my whole life. It is a rare woman who comes back from mat leave without extra weight. People won't care after the first 10 mins

Your chances of survival are not slim. They are extremely high. You are only 35. The proportion of 35 yr olds that die is tiny. But I totally feel for you. To believe this and to think you are putting your life on the line must be terrifying. Can you extend your leave and get a Dr appointment? You need help with this thinking. If needs be you can get signed off. Sorry OP this must be a really difficult time. Hand hold for you.

There is no forgone conclusion that you will catch it, get symptoms (1/3 don't) , be ill , let alone hospitalised or die. Age is on your side. Focus on doing what you can - social distance (is office compliant?) , handwashing, losing the weight again etc. You say you cannot afford to quit and it may even help your mh long term to get out.

Your chance of survival is not very slim at all.
I know plenty of obese and asthmatics who have had it and are fine. Age is the major factor.

I’d probably focus more on healthier habits than lose my source of income.. guessing your asthma is very sever with a history of repeated admissions to ICU for you to think your chances of survival are slim?

As others have said - your chances of surviving are very high, not very low! That's if you even catch it, which there is no guarantee of doing - I know doctors/nurses etc who still haven't or have only very recently caught it after working in hospitals all year! Plus teachers, police officers, shop assistants etc. If your office is covid secure which means anyone who has direct contact with someone with covid, or displays any of the symptoms has to self-isolate, you wash your hands, wipe down your desk before you use it, etc. your chances of catching it are fairly low.

Also there is a good chance that if you are in group 6 you will be vaccinated or very close to being so within the next five weeks before you go back if a third of the population have already been done. There's no harm in ringing your GP and advising them of your weight, it might make a difference to how soon you get it, might not.

If you were close to having it, could you take a few days annual leave to either wait a week or two until you'd definitely been vaccinated or spread it out so you're only working two days a week?

Finally, and without being mean because I understand your PND and have put on lockdown weight myself without even having the excuse of a bay! - but you have five weeks now - even forgetting the physical benefits do you think it would help you mentally if you did focus on trying to lose some weight (very small bit at a time), as something you DO have control over, rather than things you don't? Even just a few pounds (cutting out snacks, going for a fast uphill walk every day) might get your BMD closer to 38 and every little helps...

There's a pretty high chance of you getting the vaccine within the next five weeks. You really don't need to be scared.

I’m petrified that I will catch Covid and i know when I get it my chances of survival are very slim.
I’m 35 with a BMI of 40, I also have asthma

No, your chances of survival are not really slim, at all. My mum has asthma, has a BMI very similar to yours and she caught Covid at Christmas. She’s of the opinion that she gets far worse bronchial episodes every winter - she’s 74. Whilst results do vary in everyone, you do need to remember that the survival rate is somewhere between 99 and 99.5%.

I’m 42 with a similar BMI and asthma. I recently caught covid as I sat with my dad in his final days with covid, in a covid ward.

I was a bit scared when I came back positive, but realistically I knew I would be ok, and I was.

I think you need to deal with your anxiety, and the fact that basically you are looking for an excuse not to go back.

Also, the chances of you becoming seriously ill is tiny. Everyone I saw in the covid ward was 60+.

If your gp knows your weight you should be getting vaccined now. Now it's the group 6 going. I think it started last week.

Agree with pps on everything

Your chances of survival are not slim. They are very good.
In total 8 women between 30-34 years of age have died with or from Coronavirus in the UK. If you’re a bit older, there have been a total of 11 deaths in women aged 35-39.
That doesn’t differentiate for co-morbidities (such as congenital heart disease, cystic fibrosis or Down Syndrome).

Getting back to work might be the boost your mental health needs.

I can’t tally the ‘I am really anxious’ with the ‘I have put on a lot of weight’

Are you sure this isn’t more to do with leaving your baby? I was really anxious when I first left my baby

@Caplin

I think you need to deal with your anxiety, and the fact that basically you are looking for an excuse not to go back.

That’s not true. I want to go back.
I worked hard to get to where I’m at with work.

I’m just petrified of catching Covid and leaving my baby without a mum. 😭

@Bringonspring

I can’t tally the ‘I am really anxious’ with the ‘I have put on a lot of weight’

Are you sure this isn’t more to do with leaving your baby? I was really anxious when I first left my baby

@Bringonspring

I had that wobble last what about not wanting to leave him. This isn’t what it’s about.

I think he will love nursery. I’m worried he’s already missed out on so much in his first year.

I guess if you’re not an anxious person you might struggle to understand how I feel.
This is about Covid.

@DianaT1969

Do you have a partner who would cover the bills? Would you have to pay back any maternity pay? Presumably you would save on nursery fees. What does your partner say? I don't think you'd be entitled to benefits as you are resigning, but I might be wrong, as you are doing it for medical reasons. You'd also need a plan. How long could you live like this, and what would you need to get your BMI down. Having the first vaccine will help, but it might not allay all your fears.

My husband has said he thinks I should go back, he think it will help my MH.

We have savings so could manage for a short while, then I’m not sure.

I guess even if I could get my BMI back to my pregnancy BMI I’d feel happier.

I’d make an appointment with nurse or Gp Get your weight updated. They may be able to refer you to dietician or weightloss progmme. You may benefit from some help with anxiety too.

@Dixiechickonhols

I’d make an appointment with nurse or Gp Get your weight updated. They may be able to refer you to dietician or weightloss progmme. You may benefit from some help with anxiety too.

@Dixiechickonhols

My GP has my weight on file. This was updated a few weeks ago.

In the office I have worked hard for a year to keep going and be covid safe todate we have not had one positive covid case so along as your office is and you follow rules you will be at no greater risk of catching it. If your BMI is high (as mine is so not judging) you are also at greater risk of other life limiting conditions so perhaps use this as the wake up call to loose some weight. No one wants to leave their baby without a mum but unfortunately we can't all hide away thinking they are stopping this happening.

Your chances of survival are actually very good op! If it makes you feel any better I'm 5 years older than you, asthmatic with a BMI of 36. Yes I felt pretty rough with covid but I was never even at risk of being admitted to hospital.

I always lose weight when I start a new job after time out. You're just inherently more active compared to when you just have to go between the kitchen and sofa a few times a day.

By the way, had Covid with a similar BMI and a bunch of other diagnoses. Still here.