To quit my job because of my weight

[AmberMay08]

I’m due back to work in 5 weeks time.

I’ve been on maternity leave. DC was born 8 weeks before the first lockdown.

During my pregnancy my BMI was 34, not ideal, but not as bad as it is now.

I’ve gained a lot of weight since having DC and my BMI is now 40.

I was diagnosed with PND last year, I’m not trying to use this as an excuse but I just haven’t been in the right frame of mind to loose weight.

I’m terrified of going back to work. I’ll be there 3 days and I have to go into the office.
I put in writing to request working from home but my request was denied as they said the office is Covid secure. (I’ve sought advice from ACAS and they’ve said it’s not the law to work from home)

DC will be going to nursery whilst I’m at work.

I’m petrified that I will catch Covid and i know when I get it my chances of survival are very slim.
I’m 35 with a BMI of 40, I also have asthma.

I’m in group 6 for the vaccine but I have no idea when this will be.

I’m so close to just handing in my notice because it feels like to much of a risk going to work and i dont want to leave my baby without a mum.

I can’t really afford to quit but for the sake of my
Health I’d make it work.

I don’t know what I’m looking for really, just someone to tell me I’m doing the right thing.

Hi op.
I've RTFT, and the biggest piece of advice I can give you is, please go and see your GP about addressing your underlining anxiety issues. This is the route of all your problems. Covid anxiety, weight gain anxiety, return to work anxiety.
As many people have said, you're not in the high risk category.. I mean this in the nicest possible way but you're more at risk for developing the health problems associated with obesity than catching Covid and dying! If you're very concerned about your weight then your GP can refer you onto a dietician. Nothing is going to change for you until you address the problem.

Root*

You should get the vaccine well before your return, I’d not be bothered.

Op, this is an anxiety issue NOT a covid issue, your anxiety has latched on to covid but you've had over a dozen posters try to reassure you that you do not have a slim chance of surviving, you have an almost 100% chance of surviving.

I'm 40, asthmatic & overweight & my covid over xmas wasny even as bad as colds I've had. I was able to work from home, bar one day when my throat was just too sore to make calls.

I men this in the kindest way, but you are being utterly ridiculous.

I did the Qcovid calculator and was surprised that obesity only increased my risk by 10 points out of 100 so I went from 36 if I was at BMI 25 to 45 at BMI 40. Obviously that is still a concern but my DH as a 55 year old diabetic but not obese has a risk of 83/100. So obesity is a factor but not the huge factor it has been made out to be

Op, this is an anxiety issue NOT a covid issue,

Exactly. There is no reason to believe Covid will kill you. Firstly your chance of survival is very very high, secondly you’ll have had the vaccine by then so your already slim chance of even being ill from it,is reduced hugely. You have more chance of dying of something else, like being run over, than from Covid. You can’t stay home forever to avoid all risks.

I mean this with kindness op but if you are going to post in AIBU, you sort of need to be open to hearing other's opinions and I'm not sure you are ready for that. Lots of people have told you factual information about your Covid risk, it's very low. However anxiety is awful and often won't let you believe/hear the facts. This is currently more detrimental to your health than Covid, anxiety is disabling. Could you contact Well-being (Google) for some support? Sounds like you are living in fear and that's horrible ☹️

I can see from your responses op that your belief in what you are saying is very genuine. However, as I and others have said, that is entirely different to RATIONAL. Your response is based on anxiety, you need medical help to address that. Shielding entirely unnecessarily will give you zero health benefit and will allow the anxiety to continue to get worse. You need to see your GP ASAP to address this.

OP, if it’s any reassurance my BMI is quite a bit higher than yours and I caught covid three weeks after major stomach and bowel surgery. I am 34 and female.

I was fine. I was a bit tired, sore, had a blocked nose, an upset tummy and did eventually lose my sense of taste and smell but I’ve had worse, much, much worse colds. I was never breathless and didn’t really have a cough, I only spiked a fever on the first day, and never again after that. It was totally manageable.

Going back to work and having a busy routine might help you to lower your BMI again?

I believe you when you say you are very worried and I do feel for you. You sound very frightened and that must be a horrible way to live. It is not a rational fear, however. As numerous other have pointed out, your chances of dying, or even being very ill with Covid are minute.

The real issue that needs addressing is your anxiety. This is no way to live and will only get worse if you isolate yourself further by not returning to work. Please see your GP.

Struggling to understand if you were that anxious about dying from a virus where it's been medically proven that weight is a contributing factor to hospitalisation rate/recovery/death rate and it's been known about for a year now that you haven't used the last 12 months to get your weight under control rather than leave it to the 11th hour when you are due back to work.....

I’m petrified that I will catch Covid and i know when I get it my chances of survival are very slim.
I’m 35 with a BMI of 40, I also have asthma.

Come on, that is simply not the case. Make sure your GP knows your BMI so you will be called for a vaccine.

Are you getting help for your anxiety? Your thinking on this is not normal.
Yes most of the people that have died from Covid in your age range had risk factors - I believe BMI and diabetes feature. But you’re not considering the probably tens of 1000’s of people with a high BMI that have had Covid and had a mild dose or even been asymptomatic.

Hi OP ..Can I come at this from a different perspective? Look you have done an amazing job being a new mum in a pandemic that has shaken the world upside down.But me you and everyone else have simply been enduring this terrifying time not one of us here and all over the world have been truly living,,we couldnt.We have lived through the most terrifying time imaginable but look at us,,we made it this far,Lots of other people werent so lucky as we have been,Fat thin young old this disease has had no sense of discrimination but we are and you are still standing ..still standing to fight another day, And fight we must cos if we dont what have we got left? nothing is the answer! We fight together and individually fo rour families for friends for people we love for our homes for our dreams for everything.I dont believe in any way you want to give up and I know this because you hold your future in your hands you hold all your hopes and dreams in your hands in the form of your baby,your husband and your own dreams,I think no one gives a chuff who looks like what anymore,We have moved on and think by now all right thinking people think life itsself is way more precious than anything.Covid has taught us if nothing what we value and its not material stuff its people its friends its family,You need to start living again and make your dreams turn into reality.In my view you have a lot to live for and you can make that happen,Deep breathe lovely lady and get ready to dive back into living with the rest of us..you can do this,You need to provide a lovely future for your little one and yourself and your husband and its there for you. Have some faith around yourself and others. Work will want you safe and well and will do everything they can to make it as safe as possible,you will make yourself as safe as you can cos you have your child and husband relying on you to do so . Everyone world wide will have the same agenda on keeping themselves and others safe.Go back give it a try you can do this,You have the strength you need look at what you have endured same as all of us for nearly a year now.Your tougher than you think...go live and embrace the chance we have ..many people sadly arent as lucky and wont have the options of a future like we do.Go on lady dry your tears and be brave..jump in to life we are all with you on the same journey trying to be brave too....take care

I don't think it's helpful to talk as if the OP is being completely irrational. There is a risk

If you follow your workplace covid secure guidelines, you really will be fine. Wear a mask, wash your hands, keep your distance. Do your job and regain your identity outside of solely being a Mum.You will be ok, and please do seek support for your anxiety. I find fact vs feeling a good way to rationalise an anxious brain. Your facts are off, you are still extremely unlikely to die of covid.

@DudeistPriest

I don't think it's helpful to talk as if the OP is being completely irrational. There is a risk

There is always a risk with anything. Many of these risks we take daily are much higher.

Sorry posted too soon. I wanted to say there is a risk and it can't be ignored. Anyone with a condition that makes them vulnerable is taking a risk by going out to work but most of us have little choice if we need the money and to ensure a good future for the dc but it certainly is enough of a risk that we need to be very careful and ensure our workplace really is following social distancing. Ideally we would try to get healthier if possible and lose some weight but that is not always a quick process. I
So is there a risk yes, but I still think it's worth going back to work.

OP, you can donyour own risk management.
If you:

• wear a mask

-Keep your distance from others -Wash and sanitise your hands -Do not touch your face

there will virtually be no way for Covid germs to enter your body. You could be wading through a lake of covid and if none of it gets into your orafaces, you wouldn’t catch it.

You are catastrophisingb and feeling scared and helpless: recognise that there are precautions you can take, and you will almost certainly be fine.

As with many situations, there are things you can control and things you can't. You can't control Covid but you can take control of your diet and weight. You've already made a start with good progress too.
No-one will batt an eyelid when you return to work, lots of women come back from mat leave with a bit of extra weight but then factor in that plenty of us will be returning with a few extra pounds just because we ate too much and didn't exercise enough over lockdown!

They are whizzing through the vaccinations. You may well have had your first one before you go back. I would not give up a career when we are so close to coming through this.

I would see about some sort of therapy or cbt to try and help you through this. You have the money to stop working, it would be better spent on helping yourself through this wobble.

And this is what happens...people misinterpret or selectively read stuff on the internet about COVID risks and talk themselves into hysteria that their “chances of survival are slim” and so on. I look back on our local Facebook group to the days when this all started last February and see so many posts “if I catch it I’m dead” and so on. They are all still alive. If you’re at that much risk of COVID, you’re at that much risk of any respiratory virus.

It’s normal to feel anxiety about going back to work after being off for so long, for whatever reason. And if you want to quit that’s your decision. But if you do you’re more likely to slide into deeper mental health issues and right now that’s a much greater possibility for you than COVID.

For what it’s worth, I am of a similar BMI, more than 10 years older and a stroke survivor. I had COVID in December. Didn’t even have to go to hospital, let alone ICU or morgue.

This is only a suggestion for something to think about based on my own personal experiences of weight gain, but could it be that you're embarrassed about your weight gain and returning to the workplace and projecting that onto anxiety about covid? Only you can answer that question, but if that is the case, just take a look at tiktok for an hour - EVERY MUM is on there making jokes about how much they've gained in lockdown and they are all worried about going back to work - clothes not fitting etc.

You appear to be taking control now of your diet, so that's all good. Some women do gain a lot of weight during pregnancy and can't appear to lose it afterwards. You've had the added shit of lockdown, so I would expect to see a lot of slightly chubbier employees when you do return!