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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To quit my job because of my weight

155 replies

AmberMay08 · 21/02/2021 19:23

I’m due back to work in 5 weeks time.

I’ve been on maternity leave. DC was born 8 weeks before the first lockdown.

During my pregnancy my BMI was 34, not ideal, but not as bad as it is now.

I’ve gained a lot of weight since having DC and my BMI is now 40.

I was diagnosed with PND last year, I’m not trying to use this as an excuse but I just haven’t been in the right frame of mind to loose weight.

I’m terrified of going back to work. I’ll be there 3 days and I have to go into the office.
I put in writing to request working from home but my request was denied as they said the office is Covid secure. (I’ve sought advice from ACAS and they’ve said it’s not the law to work from home)

DC will be going to nursery whilst I’m at work.

I’m petrified that I will catch Covid and i know when I get it my chances of survival are very slim.
I’m 35 with a BMI of 40, I also have asthma.

I’m in group 6 for the vaccine but I have no idea when this will be.

I’m so close to just handing in my notice because it feels like to much of a risk going to work and i dont want to leave my baby without a mum.

I can’t really afford to quit but for the sake of my
Health I’d make it work.

I don’t know what I’m looking for really, just someone to tell me I’m doing the right thing.

OP posts:
yvanka · 21/02/2021 22:11

You should do some actual research and you might feel better. Obesity increases your risk of dying from very very very extremely unlikely to very very extremely unlikely.

The fact that you've not bothered to find the actual statistics and just latched on to "obesity is linked to most of the deaths in my age group" does imply that you are looking for an excuse not to go back.

thenightsky · 21/02/2021 22:13

Not RTFT, but I think you might find you will be called for the vaccine very soon.

My son in law has been called for next Thursday. He's 33 years old, same BMI as you and asthmatic.

cansu · 21/02/2021 22:15

It would be ridiculous to quit your job for this reason.
You will get the jab soon anyway.
You can start losing the weight straight away.
The prevalence of the virus is much lower now.

Unless you do not need to work financially, it would be a really bad idea to do this.

Hadenoughofbloodycovid · 21/02/2021 22:16

If you are so worried about catching COVID and leaving your baby motherless then for gods sake do something about it! You are the only one who can change things for yourself.
I’m 64 overweight and asthmatic but you know what.... since January I’ve been walking a lot more eating sensibly and the weight is coming off! It’s not easy but it’s certainly doable, at the end of the day I’ve only got myself to blame for the state of my health and so have you.

Writerandreader · 21/02/2021 22:16

Op you havent replied to any of the comments that have pointed out thst you are actually at very little risk from covid. I'm sad thst people have been left terrified. L

Not only are you at almost seto risk of dying you are increasingly unlikely to catch covid as cases are dropping daily and we now know the vaccine stops transmission.

The predominant factor for severity of covid is age. That's it. That is why the vaccine was given by age and why they didn't do key workers first. The vast majority of covid deaths are in the elderly

yvanka · 21/02/2021 22:20

Obesity increases your risk of dying from most things e.g heart attacks, diabetes, cancer, so I am not understanding why you have picked covid as the one to be anxious about.

Crystal90567 · 21/02/2021 22:20

If you can afford not to not work then dont. You say your DH can support you. I was a SAHM for many many years and while we had to budget carefully I dont regret it at all.
We werent on a high income at all but it was lovely.

DayBath · 21/02/2021 22:22

I've reported your post @CovidCakeConundrum. You're a nasty piece of work, OP has anxiety and you come at her like that? Jeez, I feel sorry for people who have to put up with that attitude IRL.

DayBath · 21/02/2021 22:26

@Hadenoughofbloodycovid

If you are so worried about catching COVID and leaving your baby motherless then for gods sake do something about it! You are the only one who can change things for yourself. I’m 64 overweight and asthmatic but you know what.... since January I’ve been walking a lot more eating sensibly and the weight is coming off! It’s not easy but it’s certainly doable, at the end of the day I’ve only got myself to blame for the state of my health and so have you.
Or you know, she might have MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES. How dense can you be? She is dealing with PND and you think she can just get her shit together and sort herself out? This is why this country is crap at dealing with mental illness, people just think it can be overcome by a bit of stiff upper lip and a kick up the bum. She has stated her eating is down to her PND, if people could just shake off these kinds of issues then suicides wouldn't happen ever would they?

JFC has everyone on mumsnet had an empathy lobotomy tonight? Hmm

Oblomov21 · 21/02/2021 22:29

"i know when I get it my chances of survival are very slim."

Bullshit. Your chances are fine.

I really think you need to talk to your GP about your health anxiety.

CeibaTree · 21/02/2021 22:39

If you started low carb intermittent fasting you could easily lose at least 5 kilos in 5 weeks, probably more. Good luck!

Hadenoughofbloodycovid · 21/02/2021 22:48

@DayBath I am not dense ok! I realise the op has pnd but as I have said she is the only one who can change things for herself.
I haven’t got to this age in life without any problems, I too suffer from anxiety and depression and am on medication for it, I’ve also got an adult child with many problems who has been suicidle on many occasions ok. I’m not sitting here in my ivory tower judging her but like I said she is the only one that can change things for herself like I have had to do. I suffered terrible pnd after my son was born prematurely in the 80’s so much so that I was hospitalised on a mental health ward so I do have an inkling of what the op is feeling!

yvanka · 21/02/2021 22:52

DayBath So the only way to show empathy for mental health issues is to pretend that the individual has no control over them? The OP would feel better if she lost weight. It's a practical solution to the issue that she posted about. Acknowledging that there may be things she could do to improve her situation does not mean that the poster lacks empathy.

DayBath · 21/02/2021 22:53

[quote Hadenoughofbloodycovid]@DayBath I am not dense ok! I realise the op has pnd but as I have said she is the only one who can change things for herself.
I haven’t got to this age in life without any problems, I too suffer from anxiety and depression and am on medication for it, I’ve also got an adult child with many problems who has been suicidle on many occasions ok. I’m not sitting here in my ivory tower judging her but like I said she is the only one that can change things for herself like I have had to do. I suffered terrible pnd after my son was born prematurely in the 80’s so much so that I was hospitalised on a mental health ward so I do have an inkling of what the op is feeling![/quote]
If you were admitted to hospital then you didn't do it by yourself did you? You must have had drugs, psychologists, trained doctors and nurses supporting your journey to recovery. And there's no shame in that. What you can't do is tell other people with mental illness to sort themselves out as if it's just that easy when you yourself have accessed support in the past. No man is an island as the saying goes, it's not as simple as putting down the fork. She clearly needs professional support with her illness before she can achieve that.

DayBath · 21/02/2021 22:56

@yvanka

DayBath So the only way to show empathy for mental health issues is to pretend that the individual has no control over them? The OP would feel better if she lost weight. It's a practical solution to the issue that she posted about. Acknowledging that there may be things she could do to improve her situation does not mean that the poster lacks empathy.
Wow. Try reading and comprehending.

Mental illness leads to weight gain. Treat the mental illness then you've got the brain to a point where willpower for a diet is achievable.

FFS this thread. Hmm

Ileflottante · 21/02/2021 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 21/02/2021 23:08

OP it’s good you asked this question here so that people can tell you what is happening here is a mental health thing, not a physical health thing. Losing weight would be good, but your risk of serious complications from Covid are tiny, compounded with the fact that you’re also unlikely to get it in this setting. Your anxiety here is not a rational response to the situation, and you need to deal with this anxiety separately. It sounds like it might all be connected to the PND? I don’t think hermitting in your house in fear is going to help your mental health at all. You need to devote all your energy to dealing with that, and I guarantee it will have a positive side effect on your weight.

oakleaffy · 21/02/2021 23:14

@riotlady

You can calculate your risk here

www.qcovid.org/Calculation

I put in a BMI of 40 and asthma for you, no other conditions and it gave me a risk of covid death of 0.0006%

That was interesting..

I am a lot older than OP though. BMI under 25

To quit my job because of my weight
tttigress · 21/02/2021 23:16

@AmberMay08

I’m due back to work in 5 weeks time.

I’ve been on maternity leave. DC was born 8 weeks before the first lockdown.

During my pregnancy my BMI was 34, not ideal, but not as bad as it is now.

I’ve gained a lot of weight since having DC and my BMI is now 40.

I was diagnosed with PND last year, I’m not trying to use this as an excuse but I just haven’t been in the right frame of mind to loose weight.

I’m terrified of going back to work. I’ll be there 3 days and I have to go into the office.
I put in writing to request working from home but my request was denied as they said the office is Covid secure. (I’ve sought advice from ACAS and they’ve said it’s not the law to work from home)

DC will be going to nursery whilst I’m at work.

I’m petrified that I will catch Covid and i know when I get it my chances of survival are very slim.
I’m 35 with a BMI of 40, I also have asthma.

I’m in group 6 for the vaccine but I have no idea when this will be.

I’m so close to just handing in my notice because it feels like to much of a risk going to work and i dont want to leave my baby without a mum.

I can’t really afford to quit but for the sake of my
Health I’d make it work.

I don’t know what I’m looking for really, just someone to tell me I’m doing the right thing.

I think you have been thinking about this too much, even people bin their 80s have a 95% chance of survival.

If you are in you 30s, unless there is something seriously seriously wrong with you already (not just obesity), you should have s 99.9 chance if survival.

I think you are being very melodramatic with "slim chance if survival"!

Original poster
AmberMay08 · 21/02/2021 23:16

@yvanka

You should do some actual research and you might feel better. Obesity increases your risk of dying from very very very extremely unlikely to very very extremely unlikely.

The fact that you've not bothered to find the actual statistics and just latched on to "obesity is linked to most of the deaths in my age group" does imply that you are looking for an excuse not to go back.

@yvanka

I’m not sure if you’ve seen my previous post.
I want to go back to work. I really love my job.

I’m not looking for an excuse and if I was I wouldn’t use anxiety about Covid.

What I’m feeling is genuine.

OP posts:
tttigress · 21/02/2021 23:22

Personally I blame the media, Covid isn't actually that dangerous for people under 70.

ign0re · 21/02/2021 23:22

Can you do your job from home? If so surely they’d let you- if you’re in uk? It’s now law to work from home but if you can you should... and pretty rubbish of your employers not to let you..: I had similar issue with my work for a while but enough people complained and they eventually saw their errors of their ways but it took a while.

I totally understand your worries.
I had the same and then actually it was all fine.
It depends on multiple factors but being in office should be ok as long as adequately socially distanced etc...
I’d be more worried about what lo picks up at nursery and how you travel?
Will you be driving or using public transport?

Be good to break down the risk points and see where you can limit

Promise it won’t all be as bad as you think big hug xx

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 21/02/2021 23:25

@AmberMay08 I’m hat you are feeling is genuine but NOT rational. It is a symptom of the anxiety and the PND. You need to speak to a doctor about addressing these

imalmostthere · 21/02/2021 23:27

Your chances of survival are not slim at all.

Highfalutinlootin · 21/02/2021 23:28

Agree with PP. Genuine and rational are not the same thing. Staying home will not get rid of your anxiety or weight gain, and in fact it will probably compound them by adding money stress to the equation.

I think you should go back to work and visit your doctor to get help with the anxiety and weight loss.