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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To quit my job because of my weight

155 replies

AmberMay08 · 21/02/2021 19:23

I’m due back to work in 5 weeks time.

I’ve been on maternity leave. DC was born 8 weeks before the first lockdown.

During my pregnancy my BMI was 34, not ideal, but not as bad as it is now.

I’ve gained a lot of weight since having DC and my BMI is now 40.

I was diagnosed with PND last year, I’m not trying to use this as an excuse but I just haven’t been in the right frame of mind to loose weight.

I’m terrified of going back to work. I’ll be there 3 days and I have to go into the office.
I put in writing to request working from home but my request was denied as they said the office is Covid secure. (I’ve sought advice from ACAS and they’ve said it’s not the law to work from home)

DC will be going to nursery whilst I’m at work.

I’m petrified that I will catch Covid and i know when I get it my chances of survival are very slim.
I’m 35 with a BMI of 40, I also have asthma.

I’m in group 6 for the vaccine but I have no idea when this will be.

I’m so close to just handing in my notice because it feels like to much of a risk going to work and i dont want to leave my baby without a mum.

I can’t really afford to quit but for the sake of my
Health I’d make it work.

I don’t know what I’m looking for really, just someone to tell me I’m doing the right thing.

OP posts:
Gardenista · 21/02/2021 23:36

In your position I would ask to take unpaid parental leave until 2 weeks after I received the first dose of vaccine- setting out your reasons. If it’s time limited presumably they could extend your maternity cover given 5 weeks notice.

I think as an employer of you are required in the office if they knew you weren’t wanting to stay home indefinitely that would help.
It’s not a good idea to give up your job - it’s tough going back to work and leaving your child - much better Togo back to a role you know and familiar faces.

Merryoldgoat · 21/02/2021 23:37

OP - my BMI is just under 50. I work in a school and understand how you feel. I’m on ADs for PND and anxiety.

You need to better interpret your risk.

You really aren’t at a very high risk of complications at your age, asthma isn’t a massive problem if well controlled (I’m also asthmatic).

I actually live for the days I get to go in - the effect of being home so much has been terrible.

Put whatever precautions into place to need to - masks, sanitiser, screens etc, minimise contacts and throw yourself back into it.

I promise you’ll feel better being part of the world.

Also you should have your vaccine soon - I just got mine and I’m group 6 too.

FatAnneTheDealer · 21/02/2021 23:38

You are in risk group 6, so just over half way down the high risk group. You aren't crazy: the risk is real - enough to be careful, at least.

The good news is group 6 is being vaccinated right NOW so you will be offered the vax in the next week or 2. Say yes! Even with one dose your risk becomes quite small - you can go to work and your risk of the disease might not be any different from an unvaccinated colleague = v small!)

Vaccine to the rescue from covid soon - when that worry is mostly gone you can think about tackling other issues.

NannyGythaOgg · 21/02/2021 23:49

Despite the slight increase of dying should you get Covid the approx chance of you getting it and dying from it at your age are similar to the chances of winning a sizeable lottery sum should you gamble/invest in the euro lottery.

LouHotel · 21/02/2021 23:54

On my maternity and suffering with PND I put on 4 stone OP, if your on anti depressants something about increasing appetite or decreasing inhibitions around food.

I was petrified of how people were going to view me when I returned as it was a stark contrast to what I looked like before pregnancy. I made the decision to try and get as much off as possible before I went back to work, this was running 5 times a week, home work out videos and no carbs, no red meat, no crap for 6 weeks. I still went back to work overweight but because I'd lost a stone I felt I was in control.

You've had a really shit time and going back into workplace after a baby is hard enough. No one is going to judge you - I wont pretend a BMI of 40 is good, but you know what you need to do but if you get to a stage of where your scared to leave the house nothing will change. Set yourself a goal that when your baby is two you want to be able to keep up with them on the climbing frame/balance bike and look past the first day of work and focus on that point in the future.

Original poster
AmberMay08 · 22/02/2021 07:42

@ign0re

Can you do your job from home? If so surely they’d let you- if you’re in uk? It’s now law to work from home but if you can you should... and pretty rubbish of your employers not to let you..: I had similar issue with my work for a while but enough people complained and they eventually saw their errors of their ways but it took a while.

I totally understand your worries.
I had the same and then actually it was all fine.
It depends on multiple factors but being in office should be ok as long as adequately socially distanced etc...
I’d be more worried about what lo picks up at nursery and how you travel?
Will you be driving or using public transport?

Be good to break down the risk points and see where you can limit

Promise it won’t all be as bad as you think big hug xx

@ign0re

Yea my job could be done from home.

I put it in writing to work from home but my request was denied. They said that they aren’t allowing anyone else to work from home and I would need to go in.
They said the office is Covid secure.

I spoke to ACAS and they said they aren’t doing anything wrong.

OP posts:
BottleFlipper · 22/02/2021 08:42

Everything I’ve seen says that obesity is linked to most of the deaths in my age group. (Under 40’s)

It may well be but that statement is still not related to overall likelihood to die.

Inthevirtualwaitingroom · 22/02/2021 09:09

Totally understandable,
i have been working in an office, very anxiously for a year.
will your work provide any support for your anxiety?
speak to them about it,

wash your hands, wear a mask, ventilate

Inthevirtualwaitingroom · 22/02/2021 09:10

also op, asthma is no longer as much as a risk as previously thought.

have you had a risk assessment?

KarmaStar · 22/02/2021 11:53

Go back to work even if you are going to feel anxious,go.
You will feel better for having overcome your fears.
You are a strong,independent person who loves their career so return.
Staying at home will definitely not help you,it will be a step backwards.

SheCannaeTakeNoMoreCapt · 22/02/2021 11:57

I’m petrified that I will catch Covid and i know when I get it my chances of survival are very slim.I’m 35 with a BMI of 40, I also have asthma

Not even slightly true. If you don't want to go back then don't, but don't pretend its covid related.

mirrorfloor · 22/02/2021 12:39

I would 100% say go back to work.
It's difficult the thought of going back after having a baby and having PND but I think your weight will only get much worse if you stay at home. It's generally much harder to control your eating at work compared to in the work place.
Also ask your gp when you will get the vaccine, if your weight has changed to the morbidly obese group which makes you more likely to get it and they're unaware of it you may not be automatically contacted.

VikingsandDragons · 22/02/2021 12:41

Your chances of survival are very high, but that doesn't mean you aren't scared. In your situation personally I would be looking at getting a fit note from the doctor about your anxiety, saying you are able to work from home but until vaccinated cannot work from the office. This is a short term problem, if you're group 6 you should be vaccinated within a month and able to return to work fully.

Hurtandupset2 · 22/02/2021 12:58

@AmberMay08 you seem to be ignoring the many, many posts telling you that your chances of dying from covid are actually extremely small, something like 0.6%.

This suggests that it's your anxiety fuelling this rather than a real risk/genuine chance of dying from covid.

You need to speak to your GP about your anxiety as you're catastrophizing, which isn't healthy.

DishingOutDone · 22/02/2021 13:38

Why can't you call the GP surgery, say you are going back to work in 5 weeks and you are very worried, you believe you are in group 6, can you be vaccinated now if its not too much trouble, please?

Surely you would try that first? Hmm

Original poster
AmberMay08 · 22/02/2021 14:29

@SheCannaeTakeNoMoreCapt

I’m petrified that I will catch Covid and i know when I get it my chances of survival are very slim.I’m 35 with a BMI of 40, I also have asthma

Not even slightly true. If you don't want to go back then don't, but don't pretend its covid related.

@SheCannaeTakeNoMoreCapt

This is really starting to piss me off now, the amount of replies that are assuming I just don’t want to go back to work.

I WANT TO RETURN TO WORK

Covid is the reason I don’t want to go back.

I’m worried that not only will I catch it from work, but my son will get it at nursery and pass to me 😩

OP posts:
Original poster
AmberMay08 · 22/02/2021 14:30

@DishingOutDone

Why can't you call the GP surgery, say you are going back to work in 5 weeks and you are very worried, you believe you are in group 6, can you be vaccinated now if its not too much trouble, please?

Surely you would try that first? Hmm

@DishingOutDone

I did. They told me they are working in age order of group 6 and will call me when It’s my turn!

Not much more I can do about that.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmberMay08 · 22/02/2021 14:31

[quote Hurtandupset2]@AmberMay08 you seem to be ignoring the many, many posts telling you that your chances of dying from covid are actually extremely small, something like 0.6%.

This suggests that it's your anxiety fuelling this rather than a real risk/genuine chance of dying from covid.

You need to speak to your GP about your anxiety as you're catastrophizing, which isn't healthy.[/quote]
@Hurtandupset2

Because I have lived for a year believing Covid will kill me. I believe that still. 😞

OP posts:
Hurtandupset2 · 22/02/2021 14:46

I do feel for you, @AmberMay08, but I really think you need help from your GP to address your anxiety, as your employers aren't doing anything wrong in asking you to go back to work.

You need to explain to your GP just how anxious you are feeling and how you are fixated on covid and how this is affecting you on a daily basis.

They may be able to help. It may be that you need counselling or medication or a combination of these things.

hatedbytheDailyMail · 22/02/2021 15:00

I WANT TO RETURN TO WORK. Covid is the reason I don’t want to go back

Ah come on now. You think you'll get covid and die so you don't want to go to work or your child to go to nursery. You're not even high risk, you're being very daft.

delilahbucket · 22/02/2021 15:06

OP I mean this in the nicest possible way. For the sake of your mental health you need to return to work Flowers

MadeOfStarStuff · 22/02/2021 15:21

Well you’re using a very flawed logic for why covid is the reason you don’t want to go back, and ignoring everyone who has pointed out you are incredibly unlikely to die of covid. So not really an unreasonable assumption that this is masking you not wanting to go back to work.

Billandben444 · 22/02/2021 15:23

Because I have lived for a year believing Covid will kill me. I believe that still. 😞
OP, unless your plan is for the family to isolate until both adults have had the vaccine, you might as well be at work (which you enjoy) as your anxiety is telling you it's going to get you anyway. I'm not rubbishing how you feel but to truly believe that there is a covid bullet with your number on it is a MH issue. I presume, as it's such a concern, that you are trying to get your BMI down?

Aprilx · 22/02/2021 15:23

Your risk is very low and your chances of survival should you get covid are extremely high.

Trunkysbun · 22/02/2021 15:31

I'm 10 years older than you and my BMI is 40 as well - I had Covid last year (I was very ill, but not 'hospital ill') I've worked throughout the pandemic - in a school! I occasionally feel a bit 'shit, please don't catch it again' but then just get in with life.

I think in the nicest possible way, as much as you may deny it, you are projecting your anxiety about leaving your baby.