Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has completely changed

174 replies

Annapops1 · 21/02/2021 19:09

Good evening all, spent a while deciding on whether or not to post this on here but after several sleepless nights I'd really appreciate some advice.

Been friends with 'sarah' for 30 years, very close almost like sisters. Godmother to each others children and always the first person to call in a crisis or with a funny story etc.

We've been chatting about faith / religion and had decided that once lockdown was over we would quite like to go to a modern church and see what it was all about. We checked it out on zoom and all looked great, rock band on stage and young speakers etc. I'm not particularly religious but after loosing my mum I'd like to think that she is still "with us" in some way.

Anyways...my friend called me to say that she'd got chatting to a school mum who goes to the said church and that they'd arranged a walk. All fine. Following the walk friend calls to tell me how amazing mum friend is and that she'd love me to meet her etc. Friend goes on another walk with mum friend, calls me later to say how this mum friend has told her about when she met God and how Harry Potter is evil and encourages children to practice witchcraft.

Fast forward and friend and mum friend have met several more times...each time I get a phone call tell me things along the lines of she has now given her body to Jesus, how she's prayed for me to be filled with God's blood, that she's taken phones off her children as they encourage unsavoury activities etc etc.

This week being half term we met up with our children for a 3 hour walk...I kid you not I got "God" the whole time. Now going back to above, I'm not the anti-christ as I was happy to explore the new church etc but this is on another level. We got to the the highest point and she raised her hands and shouted how she loves Jesus. I was then told that if I didn't accept Jesus into my heart then I'd loose my place in heaven. I tried to change the subject but to no avail.

I literally couldn't wait to get home. This was now 4 days ago and I just don't know what to think. I've not heard from her since and I feel like I've completely lost my friend. She's unrecognisable...the things she's was coming out with to me makes me think she's been practically brainwashed.

Please tell me if you think I am overreacting? If you got this far, well done Smile

OP posts:
Icancelledthecheque · 21/02/2021 19:12

Is it possible she’s ill? I can’t imagine my friends changing so dramatically otherwise - in fact in my case it transpired that the only one who did change personality like that was seriously mentally unwell.

Horseshoe5 · 21/02/2021 19:13

Has your friend got bipolar?

SummerHouse · 21/02/2021 19:19

Is not hearing from her is a little worrying? Would you normally have been in touch by now?

Ilovelove · 21/02/2021 19:20

Oh gosh... this is demonstrating a lot of misunderstandings ..God's blood doesn't fill anyone and Harry Potter is not going to send any one into the arms of witchcraft.

I actually have a deep faith and also am part of church leadership so I have heard a lot of the things that you are saying in different guises over the years.

That your friend has had such a 'total conversion experience' where she has immediately changed her life style to some quite extreme conservative views based on what some random people in a church have advised her, strikes me that she already has some mental vulnerabilities.

I don't really know what to say because its a really tough situation.

Bluekangaroo123 · 21/02/2021 19:24

This does sound like quite an extreme reaction from your friend. Do you think she’s quite susceptible to being brainwashed? As PP have said religious symbols & an obsession with God/ Jesus do also seem to come up a lot when a person is experiencing mania. But would seem odd for that to just come up now with no history

Dita73 · 21/02/2021 19:24

Are you sure she’s not winding you up?

TitusPullo · 21/02/2021 19:26

Hi Op, this sounds very much like my SM church, down to me having to hide my Harry Potter books and read them under the covers. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do, it’s a cult mentality (before you pile on me I don’t mean all churches, I mean this specific type of church). An American export. It’s very all encompassing and you will not be able to have any sort of conversation that doesn’t involve God/Jesus. It’s tiresome. I think you either have to let it go over your head and keep steering the conversation away from God or walk away. From my experience, they don’t get any less enthusiastic. The talking in tongues will follow soon.

Disabrie22 · 21/02/2021 19:27

She’s probably got become mentally fragile without you realising and may feel energised by the whole experience. If it’s not hurting her then she’s probably best left to get on with it and sadly you may grow apart for a while. She’ll probably burn the obsession out in a year.

cunexttime · 21/02/2021 19:32

She sounds like she's having a breakdown. Has she got a partner? I would contact them or her family and tell them your concerns. I know someone who experienced something very similar to this, it turned out to be a psychotic episode and they were really unwell.

RippleEffects · 21/02/2021 19:33

I've not had the finding Jesus version but I've had friends become completely engrossed in a new activity - to the exclussion of all else. Fortunately it generally appears to be temporary.

Theres been Slimming World, Weigh Watchers, Cambridge Diet, The pyramid selling type schemes where people get sucked in, tat on facebook type things.

Lockdown can only exaserbate any such new obsession. If I wasn't so busy I think I could become obsessive and imerse myself in any new activity.

I think in your shoes I'd keep low regular contact. texts, emails the odd phone call etc in the hope that the world opening up reopens her world too.

HaHaVeryBunny · 21/02/2021 19:35

Does sound like some form of metal illness or perhaps if she was feeling vulnerable at the moment due to covid she could be having some kind of breakdown and the church is literally the answer to all her prayers. The way you are describing them, they sound quite cultist, conservative, and strict. Could you talk to other family members and see what they think?

Oblomov21 · 21/02/2021 19:44

This is not MH. This is someone who finds God late, gets involved with a very very heavy Christian group. And then they can't see or do or think of anything else. Unfortunately this happens.

Original poster
Annapops1 · 21/02/2021 19:55

Thank you all for your replies...honestly it means so much.
Just to answer a few questions, she's one of the most level headed and happy people I know. Adores her family, has a great career and I'd probably be the first to know if she was unwell / experiencing an breakdown. We'd normally talk most days (over phone and text) and have a good old moan about husband's football obsessions etc.

It's completely taken her over in such a short space of time. Talking in tongues has also been mentioned and that she wants to be baptized in their church. She wants to get rid of her childrens' tablets /Xboxes and she's got them watching Bible stories this friend has given her on dvd.

I just don't know what's going on :-(

OP posts:
TitusPullo · 21/02/2021 19:55

@Oblomov21

This is not MH. This is someone who finds God late, gets involved with a very very heavy Christian group. And then they can't see or do or think of anything else. Unfortunately this happens.
This. As I said from bitter experience, this.
MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 21/02/2021 20:00

Just leave her to it. Be there when it all goes tits up and be relieved you didn't go too!!

Original poster
Annapops1 · 21/02/2021 20:01

Sorry for my ignorance but what sort of very very heavy Christian group could this be?

OP posts:
iamyourequal · 21/02/2021 20:06

@Annapops1. I think you should contact her DH and work together to try and get her out of this extreme church (cult?). It sounds like she is being brainwashed.

Youllbeoldertoo · 21/02/2021 20:11

I’d consider myself religious and I found reading that totally uncomfortable. If he try to help your friend and hope this church isn’t expecting her to give too much of herself.

SusannahSophia · 21/02/2021 20:11

I’m sorry to agree with some PPs. There’s a very evangelical church in my town that seems to go out of its way to convert the vulnerable. It’s not a normal church by any means. It’s full of Harry Potter and fairly tame Halloween celebrations are evil etc. Recently divorced women or bereaved people seem to be its main targets. I’m sure on the inside they feel they are doing Hod’s work, but from the outside it seems like a cult.

SusannahSophia · 21/02/2021 20:12

Hod? Grin God, of course. My iPad must be a heathen.

TitusPullo · 21/02/2021 20:12

From my experience, I think it will likely to be derived from the Baptist tradition but these sorts of churches aren’t normally in a bigger hierarchical structure like C of E or Catholic Churches. They are normally more focused around the preacher. Some will be part of wider groups but the individual churches seem to vary widely.

MarieFromStTropez · 21/02/2021 20:15

Oh, her poor children! For their sake alone I would try to help somehow. She sounds mentally unwell.

B33Fr33 · 21/02/2021 20:15

I would suggest it is an issue of her mental state. She's fallen in an extreme fashion into something that defies logic and is now driving a wedge into her social.skills. But the MH part is that she must have been extremely vulnerable with a low self image and feeling hugely disconnected in order to have fallen victim quite so completely. All you can do is make it clear you are there for her. Trying to discuss it with her will be met with her running deeper. The plus points are these sudden converts tend to hit a major snag and realise the inevitable flaws.

Original poster
Annapops1 · 21/02/2021 20:15

This is what I'm afraid of...I was quite happy to go along and explore this "modern" church but after hearing just a sample of their views I feel petrified for her. What I'm struggling with is that she's such a strong minded person but then if this is the path she's chosen I can't see much future for our friendship.

OP posts:
IdesMarchof · 21/02/2021 20:15

She may come back. My dp got involved in a very full on church and is now back to being an atheist