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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think getting your baps out for charity is NOT OK

145 replies

LittleGoldfish · 03/11/2007 17:53

Went on a hen night Last night and did the usual pub crawl with about 12 other women. One of the pubs we ended up in was full of men (I think it was some kind of workmens club or something).

The bar manager was going around asking people to buy raffle tickets for charity which we all did. The woman who's hen party it was said she would get her baps out for all the men in the pub if they all put £5 in the hat all for charity. And no this is not a wind up thread this is very true.

Whilst I appreciate it was for a good cause I thought it a bit demoralising to the rest of the women there? I felt like all the men were judging as all to be the same. AIBU to think like this? All the other girls just laughed it off and said it was only a laugh and for a good cause.

She did get them out for the lads so to speak and they all put in a fiver but when they all cheered I just wanted to get the hell out of there.

She had only had 2 bottles of lager when she did it too . My DH said IABU and not to take it too seriously (wonder how he would feel if I had done it ).

It has been a very long time since I hit the town, I am in my thirties so maybe I am just a bit out of touch. I am in no rush to go out again after that. AIBU to feel annoyed she did that?

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleGoldfish · 03/11/2007 19:19

I agree Elizabeth. A few of the men that work with DH go to these kinds of places and I was very shocked and surprised to here what really goes on and I mean shocked.

These women obviously have no self-respect (ok i don't know their personal circumstances but still...) surely there are other ways of making money?

I often wondered why women (and men) go into porn? I am sure the money is great but ffs there has to be better ways of making money.

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Elizabetth · 03/11/2007 19:26

A lot of people in porn have backgrounds of rape and sexual abuse. Women in porn often have pimps (they call themselves managers) who will use all sorts of tactics including violence to get them to agree to things. Those strippers they hired at that party didn't look like happy women and they had a big bruiser of a manager accompanying them. Of course he didn't stop any of the men at the party who were getting out of line so his muscles must have been there for something else.

I suppose my focus is on why do men want to degrade and humiliate women like this.

Elasticwoman · 03/11/2007 19:28

I would have been embarrassed, but then I have never been on a hen night. Saw a strippagram once at a private party for a man's 40th. His wife had organised it. I remember being close enough to see the stripper's goosepimples and the birthday boy's discomfort. I don't think he enjoyed it at all, didn't know where to put himself as pretty young thing perched on his lap.

I was embarrassed at being near such a lot of exposed flesh when the rest of us were all fully clothed. Wouldn't mind at all seeing a topless woman on the beach, am quite used to it on tv. It's all about context isn't it?

Original poster
LittleGoldfish · 03/11/2007 19:29

Do you think men go into porn for the same reasons as women though Elizabethh?

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Original poster
LittleGoldfish · 03/11/2007 19:32

Ok I see she has posted on the feeling depressed forum.

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Original poster
LittleGoldfish · 03/11/2007 19:33

Ignore that last post that was meant for another post sorry.

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DesiderSparkler · 03/11/2007 19:55

It cuts both ways, Elizabetth. Ever been to see the Chippendales?

Women are worse, if anything, when faced with a semi-naked male.

No-one's being degraded. People have free will in this world (and the next). If you don't want to flash your tits, you don't have to.

Original poster
LittleGoldfish · 03/11/2007 20:03

Very true Desi. But unfortunately some men don't have the intelligence to realise that not ALL women are the same, i.e. wanting to get their baps out, starring in porn, strippers etc.

I could tell by the men in the pub that they had not an ounce of respect for ANY women, anyway......

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Lulumamaintheskywithfireworks · 03/11/2007 20:04

"I could tell by the men in the pub that they had not an ounce of respect for ANY women, anyway'

how could you tell??

StressTeddy · 03/11/2007 20:06

Wow Lg - that's a broad, sweeping statement if ever there was one

DesiderSparkler · 03/11/2007 20:09

Men and women are very similar, Goldfish, when it comes to rude displays in bars. Women do not hold the monopoly on virtue

I think that it's just not your bag, wisely so as well. But people do crazy things when they're drunk. No one thinks the worse of the opposite sex come the morning

Honest!

Original poster
LittleGoldfish · 03/11/2007 20:09

They all looked like they were 100% enjoying every minute of it (the cheering was enough).

What I want to know is, if it was their partner, sister, DD up there we all know their enthusiasm would not be the same. The same applies to porn, lap bars etc..

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StressTeddy · 03/11/2007 20:11

It's herd mentality - do you honestly think they're going to stand there shaking their heads saying "oh, this is in poor taste" or "come on Nigel, I'm not watching this poor woman degrading herself, let's go"

Original poster
LittleGoldfish · 03/11/2007 20:13

So men have not got a mind of their own then? One guy cheers - they all do right?

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Lulumamaintheskywithfireworks · 03/11/2007 20:13

she did it for a reaction

she got a reaction

i guarantee if a man had got his willy out , there would have been a good proportion of women cheering and ogling

she was not coerced into doing this, and i bet she revelled in the adulation

not a victim of anyone

Lulumamaintheskywithfireworks · 03/11/2007 20:15

she was not being degraded if she did it of her own volition anyway

oxocube · 03/11/2007 20:15

Just to be nosy, what was the charity?

Original poster
LittleGoldfish · 03/11/2007 20:20

It was a childrens charity (can't remember the exact one tbh) but all I know it was a childrens charity.

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DesiderSparkler · 03/11/2007 20:24

She was not degrading herself. She did it of her own free will. I have done similar, in my youth.

The trick is not to assume that others share your sensibilities.

Some of us don't give a fuck .... but that doesn't mean we're depraved. We're just liberated.

Jackstini · 03/11/2007 20:26

So you would rather she kept her top on and the kids didn't get the money?
They are only breasts - her breasts - I suppose it is up to her what she does with them.
I wouldn't do it personally (or maybe I would for a million quid for charity) but wouldn't dream of thinking anything less of someone that did.
In fact - interesting question - is there an amount for charity or yourself that anyone thinks they would do it for....?

oxocube · 03/11/2007 20:26

Well don't think I would do it (no one would want to see my tits anyway!) but good luck to her and hope she raised lots of money

kerala · 03/11/2007 20:30

Its the undercurrent though. You may feel "liberated" and sexy but if you knew what alot of those men were really thinking about you, you would probably be horrified.

oxocube · 03/11/2007 20:30

But if you are being serious, I don't think many men would like to see their wife/girlfriend/sister involved in any public sexual display. Yes, perhaps its hypocritical of them to look at other women as sexual objects but I guess thats life - sad but true

paulaplumpbottom · 03/11/2007 20:32

Even when its for charity it makes you look cheap

Rhubarb · 03/11/2007 20:33

What if you get your flange out for charity, is that ok?

I was thinking of streaking at the next PTA in protest at their not being a nativity play at school. Obv I would wear angel wings to link to the point of the protest. And I could spray glitter on my flange I guess. But would this be ok?