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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think getting your baps out for charity is NOT OK

145 replies

LittleGoldfish · 03/11/2007 17:53

Went on a hen night Last night and did the usual pub crawl with about 12 other women. One of the pubs we ended up in was full of men (I think it was some kind of workmens club or something).

The bar manager was going around asking people to buy raffle tickets for charity which we all did. The woman who's hen party it was said she would get her baps out for all the men in the pub if they all put £5 in the hat all for charity. And no this is not a wind up thread this is very true.

Whilst I appreciate it was for a good cause I thought it a bit demoralising to the rest of the women there? I felt like all the men were judging as all to be the same. AIBU to think like this? All the other girls just laughed it off and said it was only a laugh and for a good cause.

She did get them out for the lads so to speak and they all put in a fiver but when they all cheered I just wanted to get the hell out of there.

She had only had 2 bottles of lager when she did it too . My DH said IABU and not to take it too seriously (wonder how he would feel if I had done it ).

It has been a very long time since I hit the town, I am in my thirties so maybe I am just a bit out of touch. I am in no rush to go out again after that. AIBU to feel annoyed she did that?

OP posts:
policywonk · 03/11/2007 21:10

I used to have a 'friend' a bit like this, I know the signs.

Original poster
LittleGoldfish · 03/11/2007 21:12

policywonk - I wonder if your friend is the same as mine? .

OP posts:
LittleBella · 03/11/2007 21:19

No it's not OK

In a world where the general response to a man being nekkid in public and a woman being nekkid in public was the same, it would of course be fine.

But we don't live in such a world. Despite continual pointless attempts to pretend we do.

policywonk · 03/11/2007 21:20

LG - at least that would mean that there aren't two of them.

Original poster
LittleGoldfish · 03/11/2007 21:23

I meant to say same person obviously - I should lay off the wine but x-factor is on.

OP posts:
southeastastra · 03/11/2007 21:23

it was just a hen night prank, nothing pre-planned

talulasmum · 03/11/2007 21:40

you wanna go out in doncastor. the girls get every thing out for nothing.

Original poster
LittleGoldfish · 03/11/2007 21:52

Maybe I am a boring git. I just don't get the "getting your tits out for the men" thing.

It is annoyong.

OP posts:
edam · 03/11/2007 22:21

WWW and policywonk are both right.

And to go back a few posts, if a man got his willy out in a bar, I wouldn't be applauding, I'd be getting the landlord/lady to throw him out.

Jackstini · 03/11/2007 22:43

I think getting your norks out is very different to your flange or a blokes willy though

WorkingClassToffeeApple · 04/11/2007 08:32

"As for calling it liberation - titillating men has always been the job of women, it's got sweet FA to do with freedom and it's sad that you think it does."

Completely agree Elizabetth.

The objectification of women is endemic in UK society and women have been brainwashed into believing they are doing it because it's what they want, because it's "liberating", when all it's really about is male gratification.

The saddest part is that women then collude in it, other women who don't do this are prudes, or uptight, or must have issues, or aren't comfy with their bodies and on and on and on.

And just for a bit of icing on the cake! No wonder so many women have issues with breastfeeding when, up until some midwife asks the question, they are taught that breasts are for sex, are for men, are for society. Is it any wonder extended breastfeeders get comments about doing it for them, because breasts have been completely sexualised.

baffledbb · 04/11/2007 09:49

I am with the OP and I would be appalled if one of my friends did this on a night out.

All those who think it is ok do you think it would be ok if you were told your GP had done this on a night out, or your childs teacher? Would they not lose some credibility with you? Would you not question their judgement?

or is it only ok for some women to do this and not others?

igowithabang · 04/11/2007 09:59

agree with op;
women are too busy trying to keep up with the men "oh arnt we a laugh, we can drink and vomit all over the pavement, just like the lads" and get out tits out!

its awful behaviour. why cant women be women. men just look at these idiots and think "silly cow". (after they've had a good look of course)

Original poster
LittleGoldfish · 04/11/2007 10:45

baffledbb - she is a teacher (Junior) and yes I wouldn't like her to be teaching my kids.

Its not the first time she's got them out for the lads. She used to enter wet t-shirt competitions and more often than not would win - she is very proud of her baps I think .

OP posts:
TINSELTOESmumofDJ · 04/11/2007 21:12

my mil once got her 'baps' out to show me how pert (or not in reality) they were I was totally aghast

she was alsoarching her back so much to stick her chest out it was hilarious

she only confirmed her severe instability to me VERY ODD

EllaAndJosh · 04/11/2007 21:20

What a funny expression - Baps .

How weird you MIL got them out OMG I would be mortified.

TINSELTOESmumofDJ · 04/11/2007 21:29

I was she is an odd lady she once said youre obviously smiling because you GOT IT last night (she is obsessed by sex)

very inappropriate comments indeed me thinks and also very odd

TINSELTOESmumofDJ · 04/11/2007 21:32

I dont think I was even smiling at the time

and she is always telling me like how my DH was conceived on her kitchen table on her exhusbands lunchtime when his just born older newborn brother was sleeping ....I close my ears now but she still doesnt take the hint .....

moonstruck · 04/11/2007 21:37

Little Goldfish, i would have been appalled! I agree with Elizabeth and wcta. I think it is v inappropriate and degrading for everyone there.
Bad enough the media portrays women as sex objects without women themselves buying into it.

EllaAndJosh · 04/11/2007 21:38

Sorry to say but your MIL sounds weird. Glad she aint mine .

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/11/2007 21:44

oooh yick. Not my style at all. Which is exactly why I didnt have a pub-crawl type hen night.

As an aside, I am quite interested in this "quite a lot of men would harrass a semi-naked woman....", and also "a lot of porn stars have pimps.....".

Can you expand on these stats Elizabetth?

moonstruck · 04/11/2007 21:47

It's for charity is a poor excuse. i worked in a bar in the city a long long time ago and this customer told the manageress that he would give 50 quid to charity if she let him hang his pants on a moving ticket order rail for 10 mins When she told him the ten minutes were up he took them down and rubbed them in her face. All the guys and girls he was with guffawed loudly. For some reason I was the only one who found this disturbing- am i odd?

satine · 04/11/2007 21:49

How bloody sad that some women think they're being 'liberated' and 'empowered' when they reduce themselves to sex objects. Blokes must laugh their socks off at them.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/11/2007 21:51

Her norks, her look out though.

I'd flash my norks for charity, but in a purely ironically feminist way.

EllaAndJosh · 04/11/2007 22:02

moonstruck you are taking piss right?

I agree women that use the excuse liberated and empowered to show their baps to blokes are no more than sex objects that are REALLY loving it.

Could it be that their men are forcing them into this in some way? I don't understand why a woman would do this? Sorry I don't get it.