To use son’s money for this

[Merryoldgoat]

My sons have savings - around £3k each which has accumulated over the last few years from DH’s aunt who kindly puts an amount away for them monthly.

We have control over these accounts. Our sons are 3 & 8. DH’s aunt has made no conditions about how the money should be spent.

Both sons have additional needs (autism) and older boy’s room needs redoing. He’s got various obsessions and interests and his room is tricky to organise. We need to upgrade the furniture and storage. We’re thinking a high sleeper with a desk and wardrobe abs bookcases underneath then proper toy storage in the room too.

Parent A thinks we should save ourselves for this but it will be a while as we’re paying off a car and both are averse to taking on more debt

Parent B thinks we could use the money from DH’s aunt but isn’t wedded to it.

We can’t quite agree on the right choice. It’s not causing any friction but parent B wavers.

First world problem I know!

YABU - use the savings

YANBU - wait and pay the car then do the room.

@Jimdandy

No, absolutely not. If he needs stuff you as his parents should be paying for it. Not stealing their savings to subsidise the things you should provide.

Blunt but true, sorry.

I would not use a child's money to decorate and furnish their bedroom.Sorry but that is so wrong .
Your dc will need money when they are older and that is a really good amount to build up on.
I think this is a really badly thought out idea,please do not take their money off them.it is your responsibility to provide them with a home,not theirs.
Do not help yourself to their savings,no excuse,however nicely you wrap it,is good enough.They will need financial stability when they are older.it is not your money to spend.

I too would ask the Aunt but I think it should gradually be paid back because, as others have said, a lump sum may well be needed further along the line.

My parents did something similar, using money I thought was in trust for me. Not a lot of money by any stretch but when I reached 18 they got me to sign a document that I thought meant I was going to get the money. They kept it. Never saw a penny. I said nothing at the time but I’ve resented them for it ever since. Don’t spend it unless you real intend on replacing it. Or hope they never find out they were given it in the first place.

Don't you get extra funding for children with special needs? What are you spending that on ATM?

I agree with Jimdandy
If your son didn't have special needs how long would you wait to do up his room? Why didn't you save in the meantime. I assume it's for the 8 yr old who won't want a high sleeper forever. What then?

You get £65 a week. Just bear in mind the costs often associated with therapies for SEN children. for example - my son has speech therapy at £80 an hour twice a week... that’s just 1 therapy.

You shouldn’t use their money for this, no. It’s presumably for their future not for doing up their bedroom. And the money comes from Parent A’s family so he has more say. I’m surprised at people supporting this, it feels to me like nicking from the kids’ piggy bank!

I would use the money but replace it when you can. As a mum to a DC with autism it's really important for them to have a safe space. If his bedroom needs doing then do it you can always replace the money when you've paid off the car. It's what is important to your child now that matters 🙂

I think decorating his room and buying furniture are things parents should supply - no way should this come from savings. I also don’t think it will end up being paid back either.

We have a son with autism he is 18 and we are in control of his finances as he doesn’t have capacity to do this. His pip money goes into his account and effectively is his pocket money and part of it is used for his mobility car which I drive (I’m the only driver of the house as dh does not drive). If we needed something for the house we sometimes use his money but then come payday it goes back into his account plus a bit extra. Every week we pop £20 into his bank account to keep it topped up. I don’t see anything wrong in using his money as effectively he is getting the benefit of the items and you would put the money back when you can. My son never spends money on anything just now and again he asks for a power Ranger toy or a certain console. He just bought an original gameboy with a few games as he’s into retro gaming.

@Disressingtimes

If the aunt hadn’t given your children money how would you be buying these things?

I think the money is theirs, you shouldn’t be spending it on things that are a parents job to provide.

Absolutely! Not sure how my autistic sons life would be improved by furniture. Sounds like an excuse to me.

Thanks for the further comments (ha).

No domestics - just asking for opinions as I said very clearly

No, I have had no extra funding for my children. Obviously the poster who asked assumes ive been spending it on booze and fags. I’ve said several times I don’t get DLA.

To the PP who suggested family fund I’ll look at this - I’d not heard of it before but if it’s means tested the of course we won’t qualify which is fine.

To the PP who haven’t read my posts - I was planning it this summer before the car died.

I honestly don’t mind people disagreeing it can’t you at least read my posts?

@Hells74

Your son isn’t my son. I’ve explained several times how it will help him. I don’t need an excuse. If I didn’t want opinions I wouldn’t have asked and just spent it so no ‘excuse’ required.

@FuckyouBrennan

You get £65 a week. Just bear in mind the costs often associated with therapies for SEN children. for example - my son has speech therapy at £80 an hour twice a week... that’s just 1 therapy.

What £65 a week do I get?! Where is this money?

@Merryoldgoat I didn’t realise you didn’t get DLA. I was actually sticking up for you though.

@TashaG

I think decorating his room and buying furniture are things parents should supply - no way should this come from savings. I also don’t think it will end up being paid back either.

Agree, a bed etc is a very basic parents should provide.

At a push using child benefit but certainly not savings that a relative is putting aside for them.

Agree with asking Aunt explaining benefits of tidy and organised room for son.

@FuckyouBrennan apologies - I misread the meaning of your post. Thank you.

I would imagine the Aunt is putting money in savings for the parents to do whatever they can to support the kids and trusts them to decide what to spend it on. Also, doesn't child benefit just go into bank accounts as general income or do people put it aside to literally buy kids specifics?!

OP there are lots of charities that can help out with equipment and furniture for children with ASD -

Caudwell children is one, plus there’s the family fund which isn’t means tested. Lots of local ones too, I’m in South Wales so only have details for my area but google is your friend!

www.caudwellchildren.com
familyfund.org.uk

Apply to the “family fund” for a grant and top the rest up with your savings.

I agree with Shimmy, who knows what the money was intended for but I think it’s a fair assumption it wasn’t for decorating?

@KeeefBurtain

Family fund is means tested in England so definitely not eligible but I’ll look and your other suggestion - many thanks.

Surely if your Aunt had wanted you to chose what you did with the money then she would just pay it directly to you rather than put it ‘in a trust’ for your child. In trust ....ie: they trust you to look after it until the child is old enough to look after it themselves.