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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use son’s money for this

314 replies

Merryoldgoat · 20/02/2021 14:55

My sons have savings - around £3k each which has accumulated over the last few years from DH’s aunt who kindly puts an amount away for them monthly.

We have control over these accounts. Our sons are 3 & 8. DH’s aunt has made no conditions about how the money should be spent.

Both sons have additional needs (autism) and older boy’s room needs redoing. He’s got various obsessions and interests and his room is tricky to organise. We need to upgrade the furniture and storage. We’re thinking a high sleeper with a desk and wardrobe abs bookcases underneath then proper toy storage in the room too.

Parent A thinks we should save ourselves for this but it will be a while as we’re paying off a car and both are averse to taking on more debt

Parent B thinks we could use the money from DH’s aunt but isn’t wedded to it.

We can’t quite agree on the right choice. It’s not causing any friction but parent B wavers.

First world problem I know!

YABU - use the savings

YANBU - wait and pay the car then do the room.

OP posts:
MyGazeboisLeaking · 20/02/2021 20:52

@HoldontoOneMoreDay - your post mirrors us entirely x

It was actually quite a double edged slam when we got the award. Along the lines of 'oh wow, that's really helpful', and the 'oh, (smack) - this is a real reality check about DDs ability and needs'.

Hope4theBestPlan4theWorst · 20/02/2021 21:10

Why don't you get a 0% credit card and then just pay the room boys off on that?

I wouldn't spend their savings that would sit right with me personally

therealteamdebbie · 20/02/2021 21:13

@Sometimeswinning

So ignoring the idiots who say no and pay it back! What are your plans?? Money in the bank made no child happy! A cool high sleeper with a slide definitely did!
charming Hmm

People are idiots because they point out that a bed doesn't last that long?

LookItsMeAgain · 20/02/2021 21:40

I wouldn't use the money that the aunt has put aside for the children to decorate their rooms or to pay off any debts or outstanding loans.
I wouldn't bother contacting the aunt either to discuss as she may stop putting money into the account for the children to use whenever they become adults.
I just couldn't use the money for those things.

TiersForFears1 · 20/02/2021 21:46

Save up and use your own money. My mother 'borrowed' money I had received in an insurance payout, I was about 10. She never repaid me. I resented her for years.

BackforGood · 20/02/2021 21:57

@Sometimeswinning

So ignoring the idiots who say no and pay it back! What are your plans?? Money in the bank made no child happy! A cool high sleeper with a slide definitely did!
Are you always this rude ?

The OP asked for people's opinions - if someone has an opinion different from yours that makes them an idiot ? Hmm

butterfly990 · 20/02/2021 21:59

I would look at second hand furniture.

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 20/02/2021 22:33

@LookItsMeAgain

I wouldn't use the money that the aunt has put aside for the children to decorate their rooms or to pay off any debts or outstanding loans. I wouldn't bother contacting the aunt either to discuss as she may stop putting money into the account for the children to use whenever they become adults. I just couldn't use the money for those things.
I don’t really get this - you’re suggesting my husband’s aunt is so petty a conversation would put paid to the money?!

The money is given freely and received gratefully. She can stop at any point for any reason and I will thank her for everything she has given so far.

Totally happy to accept the different opinions as I said but these strange projections are not really appropriate.

OP posts:
Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 20/02/2021 22:38

@butterfly990

I would look at second hand furniture.
I have.

I have found one that I specifically know will suit DS as it has a wardrobe underneath as well as bookcases and a desk. He’s an advanced reader and has a mountain of books that he likes to access easily. The wardrobe underneath affords space for several sturdy units in the main room so he can have all his stuff easily accessible.

He finds the Kallax units with the boxes too hard to keep in order as hell get a certain idea in his head, go searching and then his room is a state and then he can’t cope with the mess.

I’ve been looking for ages and finally found one and we were about to buy it but the car died.

OP posts:
Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 20/02/2021 22:40

@TiersForFears1

Save up and use your own money. My mother 'borrowed' money I had received in an insurance payout, I was about 10. She never repaid me. I resented her for years.
I appreciate that this must’ve been difficult but I think it’s quite a different situation.
OP posts:
Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 20/02/2021 22:41

@Hope4theBestPlan4theWorst

Why don't you get a 0% credit card and then just pay the room boys off on that?

I wouldn't spend their savings that would sit right with me personally

Not sure if you read my previous posts but we have a car currently on interest free and don’t want to take more debt right now.
OP posts:
Lalliella · 20/02/2021 23:25

Definitely use the money for his room. He’d love it and it would make him happy. Money in the bank means nothing at his age. When you’ve paid off the car you could gradually replace the money in his savings, so he can use it in the future.

Sometimeswinning · 20/02/2021 23:27

I have ordered 4 tree house high sleepers @Sometimeswinning - one for each of us 🤣

But only I’m having a slide...

I'm glad to hear that! Enjoy it!

Sorry for offending people with the word idiot. I should have worded it better. Grin

nokidshere · 20/02/2021 23:41

If I were the aunt I would be totally happy that the money was to be used for my nephews room. Although once the money had been given I wouldn't dream of asking how it is spent anyway.

I wouldn't even think of paying it back since it's to be used solely for them.

Life is to be enjoyed and if it enhances his quality of life then just do it.

ThatDamnKrampus · 20/02/2021 23:44

@RJnomore1

If it would improve his quality of life I’d do it now with the money without hesitating.

You could always replace it later when the car is paid off but I wouldn’t let him go without while there’s cash there to fix it.

This. Your child has a disability and it will improve his quality of life which is so important - you can always replace once the other stuff is paid off. Use the money that is there for him to benefit him now.
RuledbyASD · 21/02/2021 16:21

Op have you applied to Family Fund? This is exactly the kind of thing they will help pay for!

Your first application takes a month or two but they are brilliant!

RuledbyASD · 21/02/2021 16:23

My daughter has ASD and was awarded a grant and she doesn't have DLA

Jimdandy · 21/02/2021 17:18

No, absolutely not. If he needs stuff you as his parents should be paying for it. Not stealing their savings to subsidise the things you should provide.

Faeryfly · 21/02/2021 17:22

B but with the commitment to pay it back even at £20/30 a month.

clarehhh · 21/02/2021 17:23

Agree it would be wrong. Money like that is for them long term not things you would normally provide. Why not look on Facebook market place for furniture

Hertsgirl10 · 21/02/2021 17:30

I pressed the wrong button! I meant you should just spend it and give him a lovely room.

Jeeperscreepers69 · 21/02/2021 17:31

Instead of having a domestic on mumnet just talkit over.

1FootInTheRave · 21/02/2021 17:32

Furnishing a childs room is not for the child to fund imo.

Beehappy21 · 21/02/2021 17:33

I think I'd be inclined to agree with parent B, but pay it back when you can. My daughter gets cash from my grandparents every birthday, years ago when I was struggling I would write down what I had borrowed from her and then pay it back straight into her bank account. (She never missed out, she has always had enough pressies so makes sense to pop it in her savings account anyway!) Smile

partyatthepalace · 21/02/2021 17:36

@RJnomore1

If it would improve his quality of life I’d do it now with the money without hesitating.

You could always replace it later when the car is paid off but I wouldn’t let him go without while there’s cash there to fix it.

This