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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that my hospital has strict visiting hours and DP will be sent home after birth if its outside them?

165 replies

Jenswish · 03/11/2007 17:34

Basically if I give birth between 9pm and 8am, DP will be sent home as soon as they move me to the ward (normally within an hour apparently)

I know all the ladies that haven't given birth need sleep as well but I hate hospitals and I will have just had a baby, I don't want him to go away... I need the support

OP posts:
Lulumamaintheskywithfireworks · 03/11/2007 17:37

you are not unreasonable

i would be very surprised if you were transferred to the ward within an hour even if things were totally straightforward

Blandmum · 03/11/2007 17:37

I can sympathise, but sometimes people feel very vulnerable post birth, and other women might be a little nervy at a 'strange man' being around late at night.

Now I'm absolutly sure that your dh is perfectly lovely , but he will be a stranger to these women.

and post birth people are all feeling fairly shabby, and needing lots of rest.

mamazon · 03/11/2007 17:38

most hospitals wave the visiting times for new fathers.

if this isn;t the case then they are being very mean indeed

3Ddonut · 03/11/2007 17:40

This is a tricky one, I take it the hospital does not have a birthing suite then? just the labour ward and post-natal ward? It seems harsh written like that, but what will prob happen is that (should it be 'out of hours' ) that the mw will settle you and baby, however long that takes, and you and baby will be settled onto the ward, dh will say goodnight and you and baby will sleep for a couple of hours (and dh) when you wake, you'll have your brekkie and he'll be back, don't underestimate how tired you all will be, baby included and you won't notice at first, honestly, you'll just be getting some well earned rest. Good luck, hth.

Original poster
Jenswish · 03/11/2007 17:40

DP is lovely and I understand what you mean but I don't want to be alone!

I've already discussed it and they won't waver it cos they have visiting hours any time between 8am and 9pm.

OP posts:
3Ddonut · 03/11/2007 17:41

lulu's right (as always ) I think it's unlikely that you'll be on the ward within the hour.

themildmanneredjanitor · 03/11/2007 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExplosiveScienceT · 03/11/2007 17:41

If you want the baby's father to have longer visiting hours, hire a private room. If you are on a communal ward, it is not really fair to inflict your visitors on other mothers and vice versa.

themildmanneredjanitor · 03/11/2007 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lulumamaintheskywithfireworks · 03/11/2007 17:42

i had my DD at 01.15, and i didn;t get to the ward until 06.30, DH staggered home at 4.30, so we had time together

thing is, if you are on a ward, with a few other women, and they all have their partners, then the noise level, even if everyone whispers, would be a nusiance

i think it is a shame that each woman cannot have her own room,with a bed for her partner, so the new family don;t have to be seperated

or you could think about a home birth ?

OneTrickMummy · 03/11/2007 17:42

YANBU - but as Lulu says you will have much longer after your baby is born, and then you will probably want to go straight to sleep anyway. If you are lucky enough to get a room on your own, your DP will probably be allowed to stay, but it would be very disturbing to have visitors at each bed during the night.

3Ddonut · 03/11/2007 17:42

You're not alone, besides your beautiful new baby you have other new mum's around you and the mw are there to help you with anything you need, you just need to buzz for them, help to get baby latched on or settle baby or anything!

Original poster
Jenswish · 03/11/2007 17:42

I didn't know you could "hire" a private room, will look into that.

I was thinking of having a home birth now with all this. I'm in the low category so I could do it apparently.

OP posts:
Blandmum · 03/11/2007 17:44

the troup is, when they don't have visiting hours some people can take the piss.

there was a Huuuuuuggeeeeee family that visited constantly when I had dd. there would be 6-8 people round the bed at all times through the day, with small children (not the siblings of the baby) who used to run round and treat the ward like a play ground.

I used to thank god that they had a kicking out time

it was the only way that any of us got any rest.

3Ddonut · 03/11/2007 17:44

maybe a home birth is the right thing for you, it sounds as though keeping your family together is of paramount importance to you.

superwitch · 03/11/2007 17:44

yanbu but thats life it's the same here though i'm sure it will take longer than an hour to transfer you. And believe me you will be so knackered you wont care

themildmanneredjanitor · 03/11/2007 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 03/11/2007 17:47

that's why i'm hoping for a homebirth this time.

Original poster
Jenswish · 03/11/2007 17:48

TMMJ - I will have to look into those rooms, I want to be able to be with my DP but not upset the other mums so looks like either home birth or side room

OP posts:
Niecie · 03/11/2007 17:49

Pretty standard I would have thought. It could disturb the other mothers to have a couple whispering on the other side of the curtain.

You may find that you are in the delivery room longer than an hour though, especially in the middle of the night. Depends on whether there are others needing the room. I gave birth to DS1 at 9pm and didn't get to the ward until 11.45pm. It was scary to be left alone with our son when DH went home but it was also quite a precious time, spending some time alone with my DS in the quiet of the night and really, you will probably want to rest by then and so will DH. If you are lucky you may get a private room and maybe you will be able to negotiate a bit more time for DH.

I hope it turns out OK for you and give birth in the morning!

Blandmum · 03/11/2007 17:50

The thing is, your dp, as we have both agreed is fab. Other dad's may not be so nice. I gave birth is a hospital is quite a rough area, and some of the dads were downright scary. I wouldn't have been too happy at them being round every night, when there were less people around.

I would look into having a private room.

Aimsmum · 03/11/2007 17:52

Message withdrawn

sugarfree · 03/11/2007 17:54

I agree with Mb,I was put in a 4 bedder after ds2 despite having a cs.(no cubicles available)
Breastfeeding pretty much constantly when you are too sore to get up and down to draw curtains is not funny if the room is full of strangers.(Actually,it's not funny,full stop!)
Definitely look into a private room but it sounds like a homebirth would be perfect for you.

Blandmum · 03/11/2007 17:54

sorry that should have been dads, not dad's! the pedants will be out for me with pitch forks

expatinscotland · 03/11/2007 17:54

it's that whole share a bathroom thing that does it for me.

and also the fact that the hospital where they expect you to give birth takes about an hour to get to and involves a ferry crossing.

at least with a homebirth if it hits the fan they send over a chopper at the midwife's call.

get you there faster than if you weren't going for homebirth.