To be annoyed that my hospital has strict visiting hours and DP will be sent home after birth if its outside them?

[Jenswish]

Basically if I give birth between 9pm and 8am, DP will be sent home as soon as they move me to the ward (normally within an hour apparently)

I know all the ladies that haven't given birth need sleep as well but I hate hospitals and I will have just had a baby, I don't want him to go away... I need the support

I was annoyed at doorstoppers who came in post visiting time when I had my dd. I sympathise but there really isn't room to accomodate loads of people on maternity wards, esp if when there is all day visiting. It's the only ward I know where there is no allotted rest period in the day and new Mums are often more tired than people realise.

FWIW, the woman in the cubicle next to me had her partner sleep in her chair all night - when I realised in the morning, I was horrified. I'd been wandering around most of the night (changing dd, going to the toilet to change my pad) in my nightdress.

After having several dozen people form a tug of war team to get ds out via ventouse (OK, I probably hallucinated that bit due to too much gas & air), the least of my worries was who else might see me in my nightie, tbh.

Having to share a room with several walloping great extended families including hordes of kids running around shrieking pissed me off FAR more.

I'd vote for dh/dps welcome to sit quietly &/or make themselves useful at all times - everyone else, restricted visiting time.

I was terrified of dh being sent home. I have sleep epilepsy so was very worried about falling asleep and having a seizure (normally controlled by medication, but greater blood volumes in pregnancy/stress of childbirth were playing on my mind).

I had to plead my case with the head midwife to be allowed to deliver in the midwife-led unit, which has large rooms where partners can stay with you after the birth.

Ho ho ho, turned out only one midwife on duty to seven labouring women - that's why I got a third degree tear. If dh hadn't been with me that night after ds was born God knows whether anyone would have noticed whether I was dead or alive, tbh.

It would have been no better on the hospital ward, either, my midwife wanted to transfer me but only one midwife there, too.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks on Mon 05-Nov-07 15:46:02
"Also one of the main reasons I've been told that wards don't allow male visitors to stay at night is for safety of other women. You don't now who might be a convicted rapist, etc. Not really convinced that someone would try that on a postnatal ward but you never know."

Midwife I spoke to said they have regular experiences of fathers climbing into bed with their newly-delivered and -stitched wives for a quick shag. More difficult to police at night.

Also, much more difficult to enforce safety rules- baby-snatching is another problem.

Besides, it would be difficult to make sure even the most supportive fathers didn't whisper or even speak to their partners. Speaking as somebody who spent a couple of months in total in the maternity hospital- I did need my sleep.

I found the solution to getting sent up to the ward too early was simply to take a very long time washing myself.

The hospital where I had DS and DD1 let DH stay until I had a wash and when we were taken to the ward he was allowed to stay for 10 mins or so to "tuck us in and say goodnight" which I thought was lovely and not too disturbing for others.

The hospital where I had DD2 was awful. They were basically ushering DH out while I was being stitched, never mind until I had a bath and was being taken to the ward! Then they woke me at about 4am to ask if I could go home as my 6 hours essential stay were almost up (had actually only been 4 hours). I said no and explained that they had already sent DH home which meant babysitter would have left and I wasn't getting my children up at that time to make the journey back to collect me. Don't think they were very impressed!!

sb6999, that's awful!!

When I had my dd, there was a woman moved into the bed next to me, (about 10am) she didn't speak any English, had no partner, just her friend/birth partner who was translating for her and the friend was told to leave after 5 mins on the ward as it was husbands only until 2pm. The poor woman must have been terrified.

cory -
Do the wives agree to the quick shag?????

Give birth in a midwife led unit, he can stay as long as he likes then

Saying that, I know its not always an option for everyone, I also would hate for my other half to be sent home after giving birth. I feel your pain

Haven't bothered to real all of the posts but got the gist and thought I'd add for what it is worth. I had a homebirth for my only birth and it was fantastic. Lovely and relaxed. Had to transfer to hospital (middle of night) for stitching (DH came too and he slept on the bed whilst waiting for doctor with embroidery thread) and they then tried to convince me to stay - I said whole purpose of homebirth is not to be in hospital so thank you but goodbye. Midwives then came out to see me later that day and were great.
IMO I have, and continue to, pay more than my fair share of tax to enable me (and other women) to use the resources available. If I were you I'd say H stays with me or I go and see what they say. Good luck and have a lovely birth

I can sympathise, at 38+1 it's my biggest worry (I know, I should be worrying about the labour bit first!).

I am hoping to pay for a private room if one is free(£175 per night ) and think that my partner should be allowed to stay with me as he won't be interfering at all so can't see why not. Just been told it's the rules and that they are very strict on it!!

I agree with pointydog - unfortunately although it's nice for you, it's not that nice for the other mums to have blokes around at night. There was a woman opposite me whose partner never left until he was kicked out by a security guard, nearly an hour after official visiting hours were over. When he (and various other sundry members of the family) had been there since 10am, I was dying for him to go. I was bloody, wearing support stocking and with a catheter (and had to stay 3 nights).

Cripes - I only now realise how wonderful (!!) our experiences were. I was at a birthing centre - we had an ensuite room, a fridge and as much time to stay as we wanted - there were women there that were into the second week cos they were struggling with breast feeding. If you dont want an epidural, go to a birthing centre.

Sorry - didnt mention what I started this to say - we had a double bed and there was also a shared lounge/ kitchen.

Agree with padboz. Go for a birthing centre and then you can have all the time you want.

I had to stay in 7 weeks, some days I was having to do 24 hour urine tests, so was having to cart a litre bottle of urine around with me everytime I went to the loo.
It was hard enough to sleep at night with beds being moved around at 3oclock in the morning and being woken up at 7 to have my blood pressure taken, the last thing I needed was strange men wandering around the ward at night.