To be annoyed that my hospital has strict visiting hours and DP will be sent home after birth if its outside them?

[Jenswish]

Basically if I give birth between 9pm and 8am, DP will be sent home as soon as they move me to the ward (normally within an hour apparently)

I know all the ladies that haven't given birth need sleep as well but I hate hospitals and I will have just had a baby, I don't want him to go away... I need the support

I had ds at emergency cs at 7pm by the time i got into the ward it was about 10pm. They allowed dp to stay for a while but was asked to leave around 11pm. I cried and cried, just wanted him to be there with me and ds all night. Every night (stayed for 3 days) he had to leave i cried. But i do understand that they have to think of everyone on the ward and the need for quiet and privacy. Not planning anymore children but i vowed if i ever had any i would pay up for a private room next time (could never have a home birth due to complications)

You are not unreasonable at all! That's one of the reasons I had a homebirth second time round.

I had hoped that hiring a private room would allow DH to be with me for as long as we both wanted - but apparently this isn't the case at the hospital I am with - they get sent home outside visiting hours just the same as on the ward...

Also be aware that if you've had any complications you may well have to go on the ward so you can be more easily monitored, you won't be allowed to have a private room because it's harder for them to keep an eye on you there.

I'll probably still go for the private room just for the peace and quiet, but if you're thinking of shelling out solely so your partner can stay, then it's worth checking your hospital's policy beforehand...

HTH

DB
xx

DD1 was born at 2.45am, transfered to the ward at 5am, DH sent home.

DD2 was born at 12.15am, transfered to ward at 1am and DH wasnt even allowed passed the main doors to the ward (different hospital)

Hoping this time, baby arrives during the day!!!

This thread is making me wince. Just had my DD in France - had a private room, DH stayed every night in the room (twin beds) and it was fantastic. I felt so supported - he changed nappies and helped so much. He also got to experience everything up close and he is such a confident daddy now...... Stayed in hospital 5nights and the total cost for our extras (private room etc) was £200. Worth every penny.

I had dd at 7.30am which was great in one way as it meant dh was with us all day. On the other hand though it meant that I got no chance to rest between visitors turning up to see me unannounced and visitors for everyone else in the ward in and out all day. I ended up totally exhausted because by the time everyone left that evening I was too wound up and over tired to sleep.

our hospital is the same as 3donuts.

one you go into the delivery room you stay there until you go home. you have your own ensuite bathroom, cot for baby, changing station. no sofa bed though. my cousin (birthing partner) slept on a chair.

you were allowed 2 people during labour and to stay with you afterwards. then at visiting time you were allowed 2 visitors plus your dp (or in my case my mum)

With dd I got an amenity room, but dh still had to leave at 8pm. Had her at lunchtime though. Was fine, midwives checking on me, helping when she was very sick (getting rid of the fluid in her stomach) and so on.
With ds had planned a homebirth but no midwives available. Had him at 9pm. Was stitched and while that was done kicked up a huge stink about wanting to go home, so was home at 11pm ish. Brilliant. Best of both worlds. But his was a very quick and straightforward second delivery. He had to go out to buy nappies (because had not brought any with me as had expected to be at home). Came back just after I'd finished being stitched at about 10.45pm and then we scarpered (with grudging permission).
Next time - will plan homebirth again and hope for the best!

Oh and with dd, went home at 9am the following morning, having asked for an early paed visit for the discharge.

Sorry - in earlier post the "he" going out for nappies was of course my DH and not newborn ds. He's clever, but not that clever

YABU.

Sorry.

As other people have said its not fair on the other mums. Women are trying to get b/f established and staggering out of bed with blood running down their legs en route to the loo. The last thing they want at night time is a strange man in the same room.

If you give birth in the middle of the night then say to the labour ward staff that you would like some time tother on the labour ward to bond, etc. By the time you have had skin-to-skin, baby has been weighed and had a feed, you've had a bath, the m/w has done the notes - it will be more than an hour. Chances are you would then be knackered and wanting a sleep yourself. DH would be able to come abck early morning.

Where I work partners still can't stay even if the woman is in an amenity room.

"how anyone can expect to start to bf successfully by themselves without their partner's support is beyond me.
"

Are you joking?????

I have yet to see a partner being able to offer any practical support or positive input towards a breaastfeeding mother. The day I see a dad been able to advise a mum on attachment and positioning will be a happy one for me as it will be one less thing for me to do.

Every woman I've seen b/f has had no support from their other half. Blokes tend to sit in the corner going "is he/she feeding, is he/she sucking, does it hurt?"

I do wonder how the women who can't handle the fews hours with their DH there would handle it if they need to go in hospital early for pre eclampsia or placenta previa, or I knew a few 3rd time mums that were bought in for the last few weeks because their baby hadn't dropped.

It wasn't that long ago when men weren't allowed anywhere near the delivery room and women stayed in hospital for 2 weeks after the baby was born. How do think they managed?

It will take more than an hour to transfer you to a ward. A private room is nice and they might overlook him being there if you're super quiet and not disturbing anyone. I've never met a man who knew anything about breastfeeding support but I daresay they do exist. I think they should go home and clean the house and ring everyone and then do some grocery shopping.

I think my main panic is that I'll be knackered but the baby won't settle. So I'll have a screaming baby that i'll be too tired to soothe.

I hate hospitals and when I had a miscarriage a couple of years ago I had to have a D&C, DP went home at 8pm and I was then left till 3pm the next day after being poked and prodded with needles, not to mention the actual operation.

I wonder whether it's this that's scaring me coupled with the worry about an upset baby.

I'm hoping that i'll either have the baby during the day and get home before end of visiting hours or a home birth.

Can you discharge yourself if the birth is straightforward with no complications?

"how anyone can expect to start to bf successfully by themselves without their partner's support is beyond me."

Lucky you to have the support of your partner, it was 4 WEEKS before I could hold my baby by which point dh was back at work and he wasn't able to help me establish breastfeeding. Oh and it was a further 3 WEEKS before I was allowed to try breast feeding.

Christy - back when men weren't allowed near the delivery ward, there was actally good post-natal care. The MWs/nurses looked after the babies (in a separate nursery) and new mothers with no clue what to do with a newborn weren't left alone for up to 6 hours without so much as a look-in! Even if you're exhausted beyond belief, it's nearly impossible to sleep when left alone in a dark ward with a new baby, because you simply don't know what to do. What if baby needs feeding/changing/cuddling? It's all incredibly overwhelming.

I wonder if any of the ladies on here who thing the OP is being unreasonable had their babies out of visiting hours and were abandoned without support in those critical first few hours?

Of course I can see it from the point of view of the other ladies on the ward needing sleep/privacy. But there should be dedicated post-natal rooms where new mothers, dads and babies can all be together for that first night if baby is born out of visiting hours.

Jenswish, I do sympathise. I remember being really worried before I had dd about the overnight stay on my own.
But in the end it wasn't soooo bad, although I will admit that a general loathing of hospitals lead to me planning a homebirth for my second.

Re: inconsolable baby. FWIW both of mine slept pretty much continually, apart from feeds, for the first couple of days. Think it's called lulling one into a false sense of security because they both woke up pretty quickly once the effects of the labour had worn off them.

I do agree though that there should be better provision for fathers to stay (like in other countries). But there aren't generally.

Jen, as soon as DH showed up around 10am the next day, we started the discharge process, but they "need" to get a paed to check the baby etc etc, and it was well into the afternoon before one came to see DD. And then, just as we were packing to go, someone finally looked at my notes, saw that my waters had gone more than 24 hours before the birth and said I had to stay in for 48 hours for "observation". I cracked, and told them that no-one had even said hello to me the whole time I had been there, and we certainly weren't being observed! So I discharged myself against medical advice and finally left at 6pm.

I seem to remember you can get yourself discharged without a paed check, if you can arrange for your GP to come to your house and do it. Might be worth looking in to.

Get out of there as soon as you can is my advice! Better still, don't go at all!

Have a look at www.homebirth.org.uk/ for really good advice and support on home birth.

I had a look at homebirths but I'm just worried about things going wrong this end. (I've been told it'll be a big baby ) hehe

I'm still trying to get a homebirth though. Will ask again at my next MW appt, last time I asked I got told I have to be a certain percentage to have a homebirth but I was just testing the waters so maybe if I make it more obvious then they will give me more advice.

Is it worth going to the anti natal classes then? Are they likely to let me have a homebirth with my first?

If you're planning on b/f I wouldn't recommend an early discharge as its your first. You really need to make sure that you're confident with b/f before leaving.

I know everyone hears horror storoes about p/n wards and I'm sure all hospitals are different. But where I am we bend over bacwards to help new mums, even if its just settling babies. I've lost count of the number of night shifts I've spent sat at the m/ws station with a line up of babies that we've offerred to keep for a bit so their mums can rest.

But yes if you do want to self discharge then you can.

"I wonder if any of the ladies on here who thing the OP is being unreasonable had their babies out of visiting hours and were abandoned without support in those critical first few hours?
"

Me! Had my dd at 2:30 am (em lscs) so was straight to the 3 bed recovery room on labour ward. The other beds were full so dh wasn't allowed in at all - so we never even had a short time together before he had to leave. It was fine, the m/w was very helpful with b/f support. I was moved to the postnatal ward at 7:00am and had to ring dh at lunchtime to ask him when he was coming back. He was still asleep as was knackered as well after been up for 48 hours.

I had my daughter at 0:07 (Yeap a bond baby ), we had to goto recovery for about an hour as soon as we got to the ward dh was sent home . I can understand why because of the other women in the ward but it is hard espescially when I had had a spinal block and therefore couldn't move and I couldn't settle my dd, she was screaming like made I buzzed the buzzer and was told they were short staffed, a midwife put her in my arms and that was it I was left to my own devises.....

I know the staff are short staffed so you can feel for them but if DH had been able to stay it would have been a lot easier and I wouldn't have felt such a burdon to the staff.

Derah if you read my previous posts you will see I have been there before and probably had far worse experiences than most people go through, I did get left for well over 6 hours bleeding quite badly as well, I still had drips in me.
My DH is a really lovely wonderful man, but I really can't see what support he could have offered me in the middle of the night.

I just feel a little perspective needs to be put on the subject If the worse thing is that their DH is sent home for a few hours, then you need to count your blessings.