To be annoyed that my hospital has strict visiting hours and DP will be sent home after birth if its outside them?

[Jenswish]

Basically if I give birth between 9pm and 8am, DP will be sent home as soon as they move me to the ward (normally within an hour apparently)

I know all the ladies that haven't given birth need sleep as well but I hate hospitals and I will have just had a baby, I don't want him to go away... I need the support

stripey - i understand the point about the safety of other patients. But surely you can understand that a woman who is starving, thirsty, exhausted, in pain and with a crying baby who cannot pick him up or help herself( because she is paralysed from the chest down) NEEDS soemone to help her? And since the midwives are always " too busy" what can she do??? Of course she wants her DH/DP or a family member there!

I'm really really surprised that you cant understand why they want to get home!!

I can understand why they want to go home and have so so before.

I can also understand why she wants her dp there. I can also understand why other women do not want other womens' dps to be there.

Ideally everyone could have en-suite private rooms and there be more staff. Would be great.

Stripey - Dya reckon if we get a petition we can make them give us all en-suites?! hahaha.

I think it'll be a cold day in hell before where I am gets en-suites.

My sister had a baby at Halifax and certainly had her own room which I think was en-suite. She said all the rooms were like that.

BTW Jenswish - just wanted to say good luck for the birth and afterwards.

I just wish that politicians and heads of hospital trusts could see this thread. Post natal care in this country can be absolutely dire. There isn't the staffing levels or the space to ensure that new mothers and their babies get the care they need. Its just not good enough.

My daughter was born just after midnight. After I was stitched and dh dressed her we were taken to the post natal ward. dh went home. I needed the loo, she was sleeping quietly. When I came back there were hoards of people around her, she was choking. They told me they were taking her to be suctioned.

I was left on the ward of sleeping women not knowing what had happened to my baby. I didn't have the strength by then to get up and find her. I didn't want to press the buzzer and wake up the rest of my ward. It was utterly the most lonely experience of my life.

When they bought her back her temperature had dropped and she was cold. They told me to put her skin to skin and to feed her at 7am. Whilst that was a special quiet bonding time I hadn't slept for two days. I was out of my head with exhaustion but scared to sleep in case I dropped her or missed her 7am feed.
At 7am I fed her and tried to change her nappy but I was so tired and couldn't work it out. I asked a midwife who told me as she whizzed past that I would figure it out.

It was awful.

Can we print this and send it somewhere?

God, Whizzfizz, that is dreadful!
Has anyone who had a bad experience here put in a complaint? I only ask because I know that I was going to after having dd1, and then found out I was pregnant again, and so didn't want to complain when I knew that I would have to use the same hospital.
I wonder whether this is the same for a lot of people ie being too scared to complain about treatment at hospital, because we know that we will probably have to rely on that hospital again in the future, if that is the case then I suppose that there is less chance of things being improved.

Haven't read all the posts but the woman in the next cubicle to me had her partner stay all night (he slept in the chair). When I realised this the next day I was horrified - I'd been wandering around in my nightie from time to time and had also attempted breastfeeding. Besides which, supposing we'd all done that? There'd have been an awful lot of men hanging about!! It's surprising how vulnerable you can feel after giving birth.

I was talking to my uncle who is a hospital consultant about this, why postnatal care is so dire. He said that basically because the NHS is so stretched, and that people who have just given birth are not technically 'ill' in the same way that someone with cancer is, or someone who has just had their a kidney transplanted, their care is just low down on the list...
I think it's a false economy though. I am sure PND is much higher when you've had a miserable time at hospital. And I just wonder what kind of society we have created where mothers who have just given birth are treated like sh*t. In other countries (eg Japan) they are literally waited on hand and foot, given lots of intensive bf support, nourishing food etc etc

I was given an old tuna sandwich and had to clean the bath out myself with jif. It was filthy.

I caught an infection in hospital after I had my dd - the bathroom was filthy which is one good reason for having a home birth. You know that any germs are 'yours'.

Interestingly when my Mum was having her babies, the policy where she lived then was that the first one was in hospital and any subsequent births at home unless there were any reasons why not. Sadly her third labour went wrong at home (my sister got a little 'battered' on the way out) so when she got pg again, she insisted on a hospital birth for me. And my Dad wasn't there since he had to care for my siblngs!

Don't get why stripy is getting a hard time, she has only expressed issues that she has faced without blaming anyone. Also bit unsure about a homebirth being a waste of resources. How is that one worked out? I had one on call midwife here for 1.5 hours and a second one for 45 mins. Also on call doctor (because it was weekend) out to check on DD. OK I was lucky and it was a second birth, I left it late to ring and it was quick. But really must have cost the NHS about as little as is possible.

I didn't complain. I'm not sure why. A few weeks after she was born we all ended up with real flu. By the time I had recovered from the birth and that, I think I just wanted to get on with life. I did end up with PND and got into quite a bad way for a while but I suspect that would have happened any way.

I think anyone who's had a bad expereince should complain. If you think the standard of care was due to poor staffing levels then really, really emphasise that so the managers don't just pick on an individual m/w (unless you think it was the m/w who was a cow)

The more letters that a hospital get then hopefully they would be more likely to listen and employ more staff.

I had my dd1 normally then went up to the ward and then dp was sent home straight away.

With ds my now dh was sent home despite ds being taken to nicu (serious problems that worsened through the first night)

Finally with dd2 (11 weeks old now)my mum came into the emergency section with me(by this point I was on great terms with all the staff lol) and they fed her and were great on delivery suite.
Unfortunately dd2 was critical and had to be transferred to a major nicu unit that had the machinery to deal with her.
My local hospital could not arrange for me to be transported with her as she needed too much machinery a consultant a registrar and a advanced neonatal nurse practioner with her.So I ended up being driven down by my dh the 70+ miles the morning after my section
When we got there I had an embarrassing incident at the attached psychiatric unit with me muttering something about being transferred having just had a section into the intercom and lots of people coming out ready to commit me
I expected my dh to have to travel the 90mins back home but they put a ready bed up for him and fed him and really took care of us.Also there was no limit on visiting as we were from out of area.
It really made the difference to me.He spent a whole week in the same clothes until my Mum could get down with some for us(he now expects his socks ironing as she did for him lmao-as if)
When I was discharged and dd2 was still in intensive care they put us both up in a ronnies suite with kitchen and lounge!!!!
I have rambled on but the upshot is-if I knew I was going to have a simple birth I would chance a home delivery as I underestimated the important role my dh played.

I can see why people don't complain though stripey, I wanted complain about a consultant who billed us for an NHS scan , but my MW told me not to do it until I had had my baby, because we may have to rely on her for care. I think that sometimes you just want to put it all behind you, like WhizzFizz says, but I think I may sacrifice half an hour of mumsnet to start writing tomorrow.....

Gosh all these stories are bringing back my 2 very different birth experiences - my kids are now 9 and 10 so I rarely think about it now!

Dd was induced at 38 weeks in a big city hospital, and the labour itself was very stressful (due to previous stillbirth among other things), had epidural and just avoided a ventouse delivery. She was born at 1.30am, we were left alone in delivery room after post-delivery admin (not including bath/shower or any cleaning up of me) til 5am.

dh (now xdh) went home about 3am cos he was knackered - we were up on ward just in time for everyone else to be starting the day! Shared a room with another mum, 15 mins after I fell asleep, dd started howling so no sleep. got no sleep through the rest of the day, dh finally rolled up 10 mins before end of morning visiting (cos he'd been sleeping).

by the evening I still hadn't slept or had any help with feeding and dd hadn't latched on or fed to any extent. She then howled for 4 hours, poor little thing, with me pacing up and down holding her, no help with feeding at all. It was awful and couldn't wait to get out, plus I was told off by some orderly or other for having 2 glasses of orange juice at breakfast (which I hadn't done of course!) Felt like hell on earth..

Ds was born in Holland - again induction; labour was with the midwife who cared for me during pregnancy, and she came into the hospital with me. She delivered the baby at 5.45pm, after a quick labour with little intervention, then we waited an hour or so for the consultant to come and get the placenta out.. Then I had the longest shower ever, and was home by 9pm, eating pizza and having a (very small!) glass of champagne with xdh, mil and dd.

The healthcare in Holland works on an insurance basis, and you are able to claim for a maternity nurse to visit after the birth. I had one for 8 days, she came every day for between 4 and 8 hours, made food for me and dd, cleaned bedroom and bathroom and changed sheets and towels daily, helped with bf support, and brought ds to me for feeding, did laundry and generally looked after us! What a wonderful start to being a mother of two - made a huge difference to my state of mind and how rested and confident I felt.

I wish I knew more about how the system functions in Holland because I found that generally healthcare seemed better organised and better quality, and it is definitely based on insurance, with employed people having at least some part of premiums paid by employers. I wonder if the mantra of 'free' healthcare could be preventing governments from approaching the whole question of a cost-effective and efficient patient-centred health service in the most logical way?

The visiting times at the new walsgrave hospital is currently 1pm till 2pm for dads and then 6pm till 8pm for everyone else. How absurd is that i'd be quite happy with dads being able to come 8am, sounds brilliant infact.

No you aren't. It's inhumane and shit. And also stupid, it is far more likely to be quieter for everyone if the father is around to help and let the mother get some rest and keep the baby happy. That first night on my own with no help was hell on earth with ds1 and I will never forget it. Compared to ds2 birth where we left the same day it was just so awful and so unnecessary.

I totally see why there are visiting hours and I think that's quite right...but I totally also see why women want their DP/DH with them after they have given birth! I had a traumtatic three-day labour that ended in a 'crash' cs, and even so after all that and with me utterly ill and non functioning, DH had to go home. My mum was there, too and I remember begging them to stay and not leave me

However as i say I do understand the reasons for it. Doesn't make it nice or easy to cope with though.

I absolutely MADE dh promise to come at 'opening' time the next day though and he was there waiting at the door!

Haven't read the thread but just about to. I gave birth at 3am and DH was kicked out as soon as I left the delivery suite. I had a private room and it didn't make any difference. As soon as he left I was taken back down to delivery suite as my bp went through the roof. It was all high drama but they wouldn't call him back. I was terrified.

Only read the OP. I sympathise. Unfortunately, most NHS hospitals operate this horrible, brutal rule.

It's not great, being left alone in a hospital with a new baby. But i also remember that I really didn;t want any strange men on the ward either. If all goes ok, try to get home as soon as you can.

Have read thread now and just wanted to add, the first night I spent with dd in the hospital, I hadn't slept for nearly three days, dd had been in SCBU so I was doubly nervous of her. She screamed all night, no one came near me. I had asked for a private room and couldn't have survived in a ward but it was the loneliest, scariest night of my life. DH being there would have made all the difference...

I was moved up to the ward at 2.00 am, 3 hours after DD was born, and my DP was told he had to leave. And we had our own room!