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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that my hospital has strict visiting hours and DP will be sent home after birth if its outside them?

165 replies

Jenswish · 03/11/2007 17:34

Basically if I give birth between 9pm and 8am, DP will be sent home as soon as they move me to the ward (normally within an hour apparently)

I know all the ladies that haven't given birth need sleep as well but I hate hospitals and I will have just had a baby, I don't want him to go away... I need the support

OP posts:

3Ddonut · 03/11/2007 17:54

My local hospital have just opened a lovely delivery suite with lots of private rooms to give birth in and stay in until you go home, your own bathroom, sofa bed for dh, sorry I'm not rubbing your nose in it, I'm just saying, how it's nice. well, it wasn't built in time for dd1, with ds, we delivered in there and then had to go to the ward (for an eye keeping on me), with dd2, everything fine, you can go home, me: no!!!! dh gets ready to stay, can't get comfy on the bed so goes home!!!!! I enjoyed the time alone with each of my babies even for a few hours, and I'm sure dh appreciated being able to get a good rest before the real fun started. I suppose, in a waffly, round a bout way all I'm saying is that if the facilites were there for you, you may find that you can't use them or they don't suit anyway.

inthegutter · 03/11/2007 17:56

Can you not consider a home birth or a smaller birthing unit where you'll probably get your own room and no restrictions like this? It sounds from your description as if this is a big impersonal hospital. One of my bug bears is big hospitals. Unless there are complications which mean you need specialists and a highly medicalised experience, why choose this? Giving birth is a natural experience, you're not ill, and I certainly wouldn't have been happy to be treated like this.

BroccoliSpears · 03/11/2007 17:56

I remember being very worried about exactly this before I had dd. In the event... well it's all a bit of a haze, I had her at 6.30 in the evening and I think dp went home at 8ish... anyway, the thing was that in all the kerfuffle and with me being so so so so so so tired and dp didn't exactly leave me by myself in hospital, he left me with my new baby... it wasn't a stressful thing after all. Which isn't to say that you'll have the same experience as me, but I remember thinking in the few days after the birth that I had been worried about so many things that I needn't have been. It all just worked out.

sugarfree · 03/11/2007 17:57

I do understand how you feel though,I had a crash section with Ds1,had a Hb of 6.8,high on morphine,and I was put in a cubicle,alone-Dh thrown out at 8pm, with the door shut and no buzzer all night.
Not ideal.

3Ddonut · 03/11/2007 17:58

sugarfree that's what an awful (and hopefully extreme) situation.

sugarfree · 03/11/2007 18:03

I'm a nurse 3Ddonuts and was in such a state,I didn't even twig on to what was going on.There was hell to pay next morning though,when they got me out of bed and I passed out in the chair,blood pressure dangerously low,heart rate of 130+ and delirious.
If I'd have had the strength and the will (18 months of PND)I'd have had their arses.
The whole thing was a disaster from start to finish tbh.

Original poster

Jenswish · 03/11/2007 18:04

Thanks for all your thoughts on this...

I'll have a word with my MW about Home births and private rooms.

Thanks for not shouting at me.

OP posts:

sugarfree · 03/11/2007 18:04

(had a ball having DS2 though,despite the 4 bedder)

sugarfree · 03/11/2007 18:06

Why would we shout?I think we'd all like to have our husbands there,just everyone elses thats a problem.

3Ddonut · 03/11/2007 18:07

I'm a nurse too sugarfree (do you think the mw are harder on us? - prob feel threatened) whereabouts are you? what dept?

morningpaper · 03/11/2007 18:07

To be honest I know it sounds awful now, but it's probably quite normal. Your DH will probably have been watching you labour for quite some time, and will be hot, sweaty, filthy and extremely tired. You will probably want to doze.

LazyLinePainterJane · 03/11/2007 18:11

I didn't know that you could hire out the private rooms and had I known I would definitely have done so. DS was born at 6.40pm and I was transferred back to the ward at about 8.30, DH could not come with me. I understood why but would have loved it if he could stay.

You should look into the private room thing.

sugarfree · 03/11/2007 18:13

Vascular surgery on the South Coast Donuts.
I just can't imagine leaving a post(major)op patient all night,with no obs and out of sight.
I did get a few snidey comments about the crash section being due to "it always goes wrong for nurses and GPs wives"
(not the prolapsed cord due to my waters being broken before his head being fully engaged then?)

Original poster

Jenswish · 03/11/2007 18:13

Don't get me wrong I understand why... I just want to be stroppy and have it all!!

Thanks again.

OP posts:

Boogalooblue · 03/11/2007 18:19

Haven't read all the other posts so no doubt I am repeating what others have said but here goes...........

Two obvious ways round this.

Firstly, you could always have a home birth and then the question of 'going home' doesn't come into it

Secondly, do what I did. Baby born at 8.30pm, after an hour or so they mentioned getting me onto the ward. I asked if dh could come, they said no - so did I. 3 hours after baby was born we left together.

I do think that it is unpleasant but you have to think of all the other mums on the ward who need their sleep and don't want to be disturbed by new parents talking.

Good luck whatever you do

ProfYaffle · 03/11/2007 18:27

Bear in mind that private rooms aren't always available. I asked for one post c/s with dd2 but they were all occupied so couldn't have one.

christywhisty · 03/11/2007 18:30

I was in hospital for 6 weeks before DS was born and nearly a week after and I really didn't like having lots of strangers around. One woman had her brother in all day because her DH wasn't around one day. Another girl had 7 or 8 people around her bed all Saturday.

If you are in hospital all that time you do need some time with a bit of peace and quiet. It's bad enough having to share with 3 strangers for all that time in the first place without more people around as well.

Both my DC's were born around 10.40 at night and we were in the delivery suite for a long time afterwards. With DD I was allowed to have a bath while DH cuddled DD.

With DS the midwives felt very sorry for me for my long stay and I was given a private room for the rest of my stay.

Even if you have a private room I don't think that your DH will be allowed to stay outside normal partner hours once you get back to the ward unless it is a private hospital/unit.

harpsichordsgoingbangandwoosh · 03/11/2007 18:32

yes it is a fecking disgrace frankly and it's about time someone gave this some priority
can you give birth at home or in a midwife led unit/birth centre?

ib · 03/11/2007 18:42

YANBU. It was a major consideration for me in choosing a home birth. I hate hospitals and would have felt very vulnerable being left by dh after the birth.

rahrahrahrahrah · 03/11/2007 18:47

YANBU. Dh was thrown out soon after the birth the birth and I was left with the horrible witches.

There was a muslim lady in the bed next to me and she could not speak hardly any english and wanted her husband to stay. The nurses were really awful and shouted at him and told them they were being really selfish and they ought to think about the other patients, I told the midwives that I really didn't mind and they just ignored me. The poor woman just spent the rest of the time in tears.

harpsichordsgoingbangandwoosh · 03/11/2007 19:00

how anyone can expect to start to bf successfully by themselves without their partner's support is beyond me.
it's inhumane imo.

LadyVictoriaOfCake · 03/11/2007 19:07

err i di HC.

tbh i can see both sides of the issue here. yes it would be lovely if partners could stay for longer after the birth, but wioth not many private rooms available and upto 8 women + their babies in each wards, if all partners stayed it would be very manic at times. on day 3 after giving birth to dd3, there was another new lady in the bed next to me. and she had hoardes of visitors during the day and they drove me bonkers. dd3 had just come up from SCBU, and i was attempting to tube feed her as well as breastfeed her, and had her older child keep opening the curtains cueing loads of gawking from her other visitors.

in the night a different new lady was bought in and her partner was very noisey. with cameras going off etc i just couldnt sleep.

i know i was down on delivery suit for about 3hours after the birth. then dh went home after i was taken to the ward.

slng · 03/11/2007 19:13

Home birth. Midwives cleared everything away. Sleep in own bed, wash in own shower, tea in own cup, toast in own plate. Bliss!

yomellamoHelly · 03/11/2007 19:17

I suppose it depends on how busy they are when your db is born. With ds1 it was 3 1/2 hours before chuck out. With ds2 it was 30 minutes.
I just wonder if you should see how you feel and then ask yourself if you actually have to stay. Obviously you may be very grateful for the chance of a "rest" so you could be stressing needlessly.
Personally both times I had really quick labours (4 hours and 3 hours start to finish) and was on an adrenaline high after, so the last thing I wanted to do was sleep - particularly in a hospital bed - and would have been far happier at home.
First time I was good and did what I was told (got stuck there 3 days - ridiculous for a straight forward vb imo). Second time I said we were leaving straight away and was asked to wait for the paediatrician who was "just on his way" which ended up being all day thanks to lots of emergencies until we'd put our bags in the car and said we were fed up with waiting and were off (then miraculously appeared as we were walking out).
Next time I won't be persuaded and will just leave.

Original poster

Jenswish · 03/11/2007 19:22

I've just been talking to my mum who says that home births are a waste of resources. If I can go home straight after then hospital birth is the preferred choice anyway.

OP posts:

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