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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that my hospital has strict visiting hours and DP will be sent home after birth if its outside them?

165 replies

Jenswish · 03/11/2007 17:34

Basically if I give birth between 9pm and 8am, DP will be sent home as soon as they move me to the ward (normally within an hour apparently)

I know all the ladies that haven't given birth need sleep as well but I hate hospitals and I will have just had a baby, I don't want him to go away... I need the support

OP posts:
Jackstini · 03/11/2007 19:26

And has your Mum ever had a homebirth?! You need to do what is best for you Jenwish - they are not a waste of resourse if they give you and your family the right delivery of your LO.
Incidentally I has CS at 10.30 but did not go to ward until 5.30 - it is likely to be much longer than an hour

hazeyjane · 03/11/2007 19:29

If you look into the private rooms or birth centres, make sure that your dh can stay. I know that in the hospital where I had my dds, the partners were kicked out of the private rooms/ birth centre as well. I agree with everyone that says about people who have huge families/visitor, that is not on, but I do think that your partner should be able to stay after you have given birth, I seem to remember being constantly woken up by midwives and crying babies all night anyway!

oxocube · 03/11/2007 19:30

Well I think its ridiculous - thankfully, I had 2 home births and one in hospital at a convenient time!

harpsichordsgoingbangandwoosh · 03/11/2007 19:31

"home births are a waste of resources"
well then C-sections are a waste of resources,have you any notion how many times more expensive it is to have a section than a home birth

yes of course people do successfully bf QVC that is not really my point

oxocube · 03/11/2007 19:31

Bloody hell, Expat, when did I miss your announcement? Huge congratulations

oxocube · 03/11/2007 19:39

Oi, Expat, have just done a search! CONGRATULATIONS

slng · 03/11/2007 19:43

"home births are a waste of resources"

Why's that then!!??

Elasticwoman · 03/11/2007 19:46

"home births are a waste of resources" - v questionable. A home birth certainly frees up a bed in hospital. Perhaps your mum is worried that she might have to be the one who clears up afterwards! That was what put me off a homebirth - the thought of the mess it might make of my house. But I wasn't worried about dh going home after the hospital birth - he was never kicked out unceremoniously soon. It depends how busy the maternity unit is when you go there.

Elasticwoman · 03/11/2007 19:48

Sing - glad your mws cleared up. Friend of mine had home birth, placenta hit opposite wall, her mum ended up cleaning it after mws had scarpered!

alicet · 03/11/2007 19:48

YANBU to be upset by this.

I think once you have been in hospital you will realise why they stipulate this as it would be awful if visiting was not restricted as its hard enough to get decent rest anyway.

I am sure you will have at least a couple of hours together and that he will be allowed to settle you in.

Good luck

CantSparkleWontSparkle · 03/11/2007 19:50

YANBU, but it's fairly common practice. I gave birth late afternoon, and by the time we were cleaned up and had toast, it was early evening. DH had to go home at 8:30 iirc, and was then gone for 12 hours. I felt very uncomfortable and lonely. Dd (with occasional support from another baby on the ward) screamed all night (to the extent that another person who was in a different bit of the ward found me on here once and still remembered the screaming child!). I got no sleep at all. I needed a wee but couldn't understand the alarm system on the cots and thought I shouldn't leave dd, so ended up not going all night. It was hell. Had there not been meconium in my waters whereby they insisted on keeping me in for 24 hours, I would have chosen to come home much sooner.

Hoping that you give birth at 8am, and get to go home the same day .

WideWebWitch · 03/11/2007 19:51

This was one of the factors in my choosing a home birth both times, I HATED the idea that my dh would be sent away and I would be alone with a new baby, especially the first time. I think it's horrible.

Planned home births are statistically as safe as hospital births and are absolutely NOT a waste of resources, in fact, they cost the NHS less.

derah · 03/11/2007 20:24

DH was thrown out at 5am after I'd laboured all day and night and produced DD at 2am. I was devastated and he was too tired to drive home so slept in the car. Major factor in deciding to have a homebirth this time around.

Martian - I felt really vulnerable post birth and needed my husband! I've never felt so alone in my life.

As for a homebirth being a waste of resources, my goodess!! What a load of rubbish!! Women who have home births are far less likely to need (expensive) intervention, and have a much lower chance of a c-section. And as someone has said, you wouldn't be taking up a bed. So you'd actually be saving money (one of the reason I think home birth are supposedly now being more actively encouraged by the NHS).

I'd consider a home birth if I was you. If your CMWs are supportive, it could be a really good choice for you.

Good luck!!

expatinscotland · 03/11/2007 21:17

is this your first child?

another reason i'm considering home birth is because we have two other young children and no family around to watch them whilst i have this child.

the neighbours are fab, but they're old and retired and if i started up or gave birth in the middle of the night it wouldn't be ideal.

plus did i mention it's at least an hour to the nearest hospital with any sort of maternity facility?

also then at least you get a midwife who hangs round, and not just all and sundry you don't know what qualifications they have sort of thing.

expatinscotland · 03/11/2007 21:18

if the post-natal support were adequate i could see dealing w/o the partner/husband, but i have yet to hear of a place where it's adequately funded

FrannyandZooey · 03/11/2007 21:19

Jens is this your first baby? Haven't read thread but this was what happened to me when I had ds, and it was fine

don't get all worried about it, you will mostly just be wanting to rest and recover and look at your baby

Lizzzombie · 03/11/2007 21:26

Have to 2nd F&Z on this.
My Dp was sent home after I was moved to the ward. But, after 12 hours of labour, 2 hours of pushing and a couple more hours of being stitched up and cleaned etc...he was knackered and I was knackered (so was the baby!) DP was more use to me fresh and alert first thing in the morning when visiting hours started and I was freaking out about the fact I'd become a mother.
Good luck x

FrannyandZooey · 03/11/2007 21:32

Having read thread I do understand people's reservations, and I think a homebirth or private room are both great ideas, but what I wanted to say was, you may find you don't actually care that much when it comes to it

and that it is not the terrifying experience you are expecting, to be left alone with your baby

good luck

derah · 03/11/2007 22:17

F&Z, (and apologies if this isn't what you want to hear, Jen), I was terrifed to find myself utterly exhausted (hadn't slept for 40 hours, as well as just having gone through exhausting process of giving birth), alone in a strange place with a tiny baby that I had no idea what to do with. MWs all buggered off somewhere, no-one so much as looked in on me. It was absolutely horrible.

I think it's a crime to leave women so alone (even if it is on a crowded ward) after giving birth, especially if it's the early hours and everyone else is asleep. Women should all get a private room at least for a few hours after the birth where they can get some rest, in peace, and share that magical time with their DPs.

FrannyandZooey · 03/11/2007 22:20

Derah I hope what I posted didn't make you feel that I couldn't imagine women feeling upset or alone, or that they shouldn't feel that way

how horrible your experience was

I just want to let Jen know that if she does give birth at the 'wrong' time and her dh is sent home, she may not necessarily find it the problem she fears it may be

MrsWeasley · 03/11/2007 22:23

3 of my babies were born outside of visiting hours but the hospital were excellent, they didnt move me to a ward until DH was ready to go home.

and they even let him visit with our first outside of visiting hours as long as it was just him and he was quiet the only condition was that if a mum wanted a sleep he/we had to sit in the day room (DD was borm at the start of a heatwave, the day room was so much cooler it was a pleasure.)

derah · 03/11/2007 22:23

F&Z - you have a point. Unfortunately, Jen won't know how she feels either way until it's too late! It is a crap policy, but I can't see anything changing as long as the NHS is so understaffed and underfunded.

I'm just on a militant bent about home birth at the mo. Dispite horrid birth experience last time, I'm quite looking forward to it all this time, as long as my plans for a home birth work out!

FrannyandZooey · 03/11/2007 22:25

Oh good derah, I hope it works out

expatinscotland · 03/11/2007 22:26

i think if they're going to have the strict visiting hours fair enough.

but unfortunately there's never the funding for adequate post natal care so all too often the women is left on her own with a baby after a long, painful labour, assisted delivery or even csection.

no way would they treat other patients like this!

christywhisty · 04/11/2007 10:42

I don't think people realise that although most mums are only in there for a day or 2 or even a few hours. There are a few mums that have been in there for weeks.

If you are in there for high blood pressure like me it is bad enough being disturbed all hours with beds being moved at 2 or 3 in the morning, but to have more strange people in there and probably talking during the night doesn't help when I was supposed to be resting 24 hours.
I can't see what support your DH could give you without disturbing all the other patients.

My first birth was truely awful, on top of the 6 weeks in hospital we had gone through ,then 3 days of inducing, 24 hours of labour ending up emergency in theatre, though thankfully not a CS in the end. This was late at night and DH stayed for about an hour then went home when I was taken back to the ward. There really wasn't anything that he could do to support me as both of us were utterly exhausted.