She said we aren't actually "friends" aibu here?

[beeinmybonnett]

Around 18 months ago I became "friends" with someone through work.
She left after a month but we stayed in contact.
Texting every day and met up once or twice monthly.
We went for food,drinks,a weekend away and she even stayed at my house on occasion.

I found out from a mutual friend she had been saying some pretty nasty things about me.
I told her what I heard expecting her to say it wasn't true or laugh it off.
Instead she got defensive "why are you accusing me of that"
I told her I wasn't and it was just what I heard
Then she said "look I've met you probably 15 times,we are not friends,there really is no reason for you to even message me about this non event"
"Please don't contact me again"
I replied saying "sorry I'm confused as to what's happened here,have I done something to upset you?"
She replied "you have asked me and I've told you ,we aren't friends,please fill your time with something worthwhile,I won't reply to you anymore after this exchange "

I'm confused
She had previously told me she had fell out with numerous friends over the years after they treated her poorly,but I haven't done a thing wrong.
I'm really upset ,I thought we were friends.
What did I do ?

*several

@angelfacecuti75

Ps just a thought she is "gaslighting" you. Its what domestic abusers do to their victims to make them seem neurotic /crazy when they are anything but (albeit on a smaller scale ).

This is more a defense mechanism on her part to evade shame and avoid asking herself any difficult questions. There is no intent on her part to keep pushing her narrative on the OP.

If I was going out for lunch and meeting up,I would assume we were friends.

Let her clear off. She sounds like an idiot...

She's been caught out, again, has no excuse and is using this as a method of extricating herself from an awkward situation. Sounds like this has happened many times and it's why she so regularly falls out with people which is not normal for an adult. I know it's a headfuck but some people choose to conduct their friendships this way, hooking people in, treating them unpleasantly, moving on, blame shifting. Very odd but I've seen it a few times. May be that she says you were never friends as she doesn't really see people as friends, rather a means to an end, be that company, helping her with things, whatever it may be.

What was she actually saying about you? Was she divulging private info you told her about?

She sounds like my bad exes, women always cheat and hurt me blah blah. It became apparent who the problem was. It will hurt for a bit, ride it out and just be thankful you are out of it and you are not living her miserable life.

By the way what on earth is a CF? Lol

@NoCherryNoDeal

OP, you’re ignoring all the people telling you not to run after her.

Don’t be silly, the OP is doing nothing of the sort, she’s just confused and looking for answers.

I've had one like this - you were useful to her, now you have caught her out being a two faced cow she has flipped and ended all contact. You will now be one of those ex friends who treated her badly.

It's nothing you did, the issue is all hers. Be glad you got out of this so soon!

its just hurtful ,but i think in the long run this drama queen will just keep bouncing off "friends" & end up with very few...dust yourself off & think of it as a lucky escape !!

Feistyoneyouare..... are you a mh professional?

Since its become 'popular' to have a mh issue, everyone these days seems to 'think' they can 'diagnose' other people when they've simply said or done something we're not used to or are uncomfortable with.

Yes, falling out with all your friends does seem strange but doesn't qualify as a mh condition, plus, not everyone gets along with everyone else. In not saying the OP has done anything wrong but the last in question might just be very lucky about who she wants as friends, nothing wrong with that either. I do agree it's odd to spend so much time with someone who you only consider to be an acquaintance but maybe she was lonely and now has a new 'friend' she likes more and is dropping others, who knows?

Whatever the case may be, none of this behaviour warrants someone coming along and 'dispensing' an instant mh diagnosis based on a few paragraphs of text from an aggrieved ex-friend. Real mh diagnoses are time-consuming detailed studies of the patient by professionals!

Blooming predictive text....

The 'last' in question - 'person'
Very 'lucky' about who she wants - 'picky'

To be fair, no-one's actually come up with a cast-iron MH diagnosis. It's just been pointed out that the way this person relates to others is out of kilter, and doesn't reflect in any way on the OP.

She should have said ‘ someone worthwhile’ never ever give her a second thought, she’s got issues.

I’d be tempted to write “Who is this, anyway?” then block her.

A not dissimilar thing happened to me, and I completely empathise with you OP. And just like my 'friend', people like that have form.

You did nothing wrong, she got caught.

Hold head high. Say nothing. Move on.

What did she say about you to your mutual friend?

She had previously told me she had fell out with numerous friends over the years after they treated her poorly,but I haven't done a thing wrong.

I guarantee that she has done to them what she has done to you. She is no friend to you!!

Tell her you don't give a flying f* if you are friends or not, but that you don't appreciate people gossiping and talking shite about you behind your back, and tell her to get her own life.