She said we aren't actually "friends" aibu here?

[beeinmybonnett]

Around 18 months ago I became "friends" with someone through work.
She left after a month but we stayed in contact.
Texting every day and met up once or twice monthly.
We went for food,drinks,a weekend away and she even stayed at my house on occasion.

I found out from a mutual friend she had been saying some pretty nasty things about me.
I told her what I heard expecting her to say it wasn't true or laugh it off.
Instead she got defensive "why are you accusing me of that"
I told her I wasn't and it was just what I heard
Then she said "look I've met you probably 15 times,we are not friends,there really is no reason for you to even message me about this non event"
"Please don't contact me again"
I replied saying "sorry I'm confused as to what's happened here,have I done something to upset you?"
She replied "you have asked me and I've told you ,we aren't friends,please fill your time with something worthwhile,I won't reply to you anymore after this exchange "

I'm confused
She had previously told me she had fell out with numerous friends over the years after they treated her poorly,but I haven't done a thing wrong.
I'm really upset ,I thought we were friends.
What did I do ?

Yes op you're right. It would just feed into her narrative.

Hold your head high

By the way, young people seem to say this a lot- it’s a whole thing. Is she under 25?

I’ve done this once with a childhood friend who I really liked- whilst drunk said that I didn’t like her. It wasn’t true I really liked her, no idea why I said it apart from
Being in a bad place at the time and I’ve regretted it ever since.

Sounds like she doesnt know how to say, I'm sorry. Her go to defense mechanism is to announce you're not friends, so go away. She must have done this with loads of friends. Dont give her another thought.

You did nothing wrong. You got caught in the web of a horrible, vile, selfish person who when confronted about her behaviour turned it around on you and made you feel to blame.

What you need to do here is recognise that you were duped by her. You play by the normal rules of society. You are friendly, honest, kind and you participate in the give and take and treating people with respect. She thinks she is outside these rules. Who is in the right here? Also, she is a skilled manipulator.

She had previously told me she had fell out with numerous friends over the years after they treated her poorly,but I haven't done a thing wrong.

No, they dumped her. I fell out with a good friend last year. I thought she was a good friend but one incident showed me how selfish and manipulative she was. She too played the victim all the time about people treating her badly. It is definitely the other way round.

You are actually lucky that you, the fly, have managed to be freed from her web. She has ejected you from it because she has had the mirror held up to her face and she didn't want to acknowledge what she saw, that she is a cow.

You did nothing and you’ve had a lucky escape from a weirdo.

She slagged you off for a bit of drama/gossip when you found out she got defensive and decided to bin the friendship rather than try to explain her bitchy behaviour.
You are a lot better off without her.

I've got a "friend" who told me several times she's been treated very badly and dropped by numerous friends in the past and I felt sorry for her.

Then suddenly I found myself cut out from a whole friendship group and eventually found out it was because of something she said I had done but hadn't.

I think she genuinely thinks her friends all treated her badly not the other way round though.

That is really shitty of her. There is no count on how many times you have to meet up to be a friend - and I would certainly think I would class someone a friend if I had done what you have. I guess this is the reason she doesnt have many friends? YANBU

Surprises me when people think they are somehow immune from friend's shitty behaviour. "I knew she was a backstabbing bitch to everyone else, but I never thought she'd do it to me!" or "I knew she borrowed money off people and never paid it back, but I never thought she'd do it to me!"

This. I see so many posts on here about not judging friends, or saying "it's nothing to do with you" about a friend's squabble.

I firmly believe that no one is immune from a wrong uns behaviour. Sooner or later it will be you on the receiving end. I don't cut them off but I do redraw my boundaries if I know a friend is a cheat or doesn't pay back money etc.

There's not really anything to be confused about. She is just a not very nice person and it sounds to me like you will be better off without her as a "friend".

You have caught her out and she doesn't want to admit to it so she is cutting you off!

For some people attack is their form of defence. It's pathetic
.

She sounds bonkers. Just block and don't respond.

Move on. She sounds like a right piece of work and has issues. I'm surprised that she has any friends at all.

Don't have anything more to do with her, life is too short. And we're in the middle of a pandemic too which is stressful enough in itself. You really do not need the aggro.

Who spend time at other peoples houses or goes on holiday with them if they're just acquaintances? That's friend behaviour to me.

I agree, she's slagged you off for whatever reason appears to have been in her head at the time, it got back to you and you (rightly) called her out on it. She clearly didn't like being found out and has tried to turn it back on you - wrong in so many ways.

Delete her from your phone/life, forget about her and get on with your life without her toxicity.

Op
She your so called ex friend

She sounds like headcase (head fuck).Bat shit Crazy.!😕

Her former friends ditched her for a very good reason.

You are far better off without her in life.

You have had a lucky escape op.😕

Wow, she's a defensive mess.

Bitching about you and busted.

Most people have the integrity required to not bitch about people whether they're friends or not. I mean, unnecessarily trashing somebody you used to work with is trashy behavior. She knows it but she did it anyway.

Friendships are fluid and the evolve, so just because you're not both on exactly the same page with regards to whether the acquaintance is a friend or not doesn't mean you can feel free to rubbish them.

Well, I guess, people can behave as badly as they want to, but most people don't want to behave really badly luckily.

She sounds utterly horrible, how can she say you aren't friends when she's stayed at your house. You're way too good for her don't waste anymore of your time on her, she isn't worth it!

I was friends with someone like that. We even had a flat share. After a while you start to see the pattern in their relationships. She genuinely did believe the lies she told herself and others. I extricated myself before things got really sour. No doubt she tells others what an awful friend I was, but she was truly a nightmare and I feel sorry for her because it can’t be pleasant to live in that way.

This usually happens with colleagues that’s why you shouldn’t mix work and personal life. She sounds like she wanted a friend at work but now the lockdown is here she’s dealing with life differently

If she has a history of ''Falling out''' with others, you have had a lucky escape.
Don't take it personally.

P.S. She sounds horrid.

I used to know someone like this. Is her name Rebecca by any chance?

Try not to analyse this any further - you thought exactly what most of us rational folk would have - be glad you have seen her for who she is and doesn't waste another second on her - block and delete