She said we aren't actually "friends" aibu here?

[beeinmybonnett]

Around 18 months ago I became "friends" with someone through work.
She left after a month but we stayed in contact.
Texting every day and met up once or twice monthly.
We went for food,drinks,a weekend away and she even stayed at my house on occasion.

I found out from a mutual friend she had been saying some pretty nasty things about me.
I told her what I heard expecting her to say it wasn't true or laugh it off.
Instead she got defensive "why are you accusing me of that"
I told her I wasn't and it was just what I heard
Then she said "look I've met you probably 15 times,we are not friends,there really is no reason for you to even message me about this non event"
"Please don't contact me again"
I replied saying "sorry I'm confused as to what's happened here,have I done something to upset you?"
She replied "you have asked me and I've told you ,we aren't friends,please fill your time with something worthwhile,I won't reply to you anymore after this exchange "

I'm confused
She had previously told me she had fell out with numerous friends over the years after they treated her poorly,but I haven't done a thing wrong.
I'm really upset ,I thought we were friends.
What did I do ?

Just reply, 'Thank fuck for that' and block her

I’m always of the opinion if someone bitches to you about other people, they will bitch about you too. She’s the problem not you. It’s not nice and it’s hurtful but move on, you deserve better and they don’t deserve you

Shes bonkers. This is why she falls out with everyone. It wasnt them, it was her.

I’d say lucky escape, OP!

Very strange! Well it’s her loss! Move on with your head held high

You did nothing, OP. If anything, I'd say you had a lucky escape.

There's a reason why she fell out with numerous friends over the years.

When she told you she had fallen out with NUMEROUS friends in the past, you should have recognised the huge red flag
Exactly this.

She's the issue here. Block her and don't give her a second thought.

She treats people like ornaments in her life.
She manipulates them to make herself look and feel good.
But it's not really 'relating'.
She's lovebombing, providing reassurance and support - but to feed her own ego and make herself feel like a good person.
Then she might make negative remarks to some other 'ornament' in her life in order to make that person feel good and make that person part of her 'collection'. It goes a bit like this:
'Oh you have lovely black hair, my friend Joan has horrible blonde hair, that's why I like your hair better. You are better than my friend Joan, but now that I think of it she's not really my friend. But you are my friend'.
That's why she can drop people and pick up another person, because she doesn't emotionally invest in people, not really.

I’m so sorry, she sounds horrible. It doesn’t sound like anything you did at all.

Be glad this happened now and not years and years after you invested in your “friendship”. If she says you aren’t friends then block her. Invest in other people who aren’t as peculiar.

You've pulled her up on her bitching, that's what you've done wrong. Sod her, at least now you know why other people have dumped her.

OP this sounds very similar to an experience I had. So similar in fact, is her first initial N? I now cannot believe that alarm bells didn’t ring loudly enough when, as she was getting to know me, other friends were dropped (always their fault, never hers).

She eventually dropped me when her DC started school and she had made a new set of friends. But instead of doing it face to face she wrote me a really nasty and callous email. All very hurtful and totally unnecessary.

Don’t dwell on. You can’t change her and she’s shown herself to be fake, a user and toxic, so you are better off in the long run.

She had previously told me she had fell out with numerous friends over the years after they treated her poorly, but I haven't done a thing wrong.

And now you know the truth about those fall outs. No one falls out with that many friends without any blame being attached to them.

You’re well rid.

Yep, anyone one tells a new friend about how horrible many of their old friends were probably has some problems the main one being that she's bitchy. Anyone can have had some bad experiences with friends or people who pretended to be friends, but we don't usually tell everyone all about them for no reason or have that many past dramas.

She sounds awful OP

Please don't be too upset. She's not worth it.

That's miserable. If you meet socially, go away for trips, text regularly then you're mates. She got caught out so she lied, minimised, denied. It may not seem like it now but In the long run she's done you a massive favour. Chin up, OP, there are nicer folk out there for you.

I had a friend who had lost a lot of friends in her past (all of them had terribly let her down with their foul behaviour).

Long, long story short... absolute sociopath, lies, manipulation, bitching, back-stabbing and when I caught her out in a lie about a mutual friend she went on the offensive with her discrediting lies about me.

A tattered friendship group sat down and pulled it all apart working out all of her inconsistencies and outright lies. The only time I've spoken to ex-friend since that day was when she was nearly hit by a car and I checked she was okay. My life is so much easier without her and I realised I was in an abusive relationship and she'd picked away at my boundaries and self-esteem.

There are some very strange people out there. Sounds to me like you saved yourself a headache. It's not you, it really was her!

It sounds like if she called you, you would go back to being friends?!

Where is your self-esteem OP? Block her on everything, you already know has form for dropping people.

I found out from a mutual friend she had been saying some pretty nasty things about me.

Does this mean you were talking about her behind her back?

She sounds a nutter and a horrid one too! You’re well rid, but sorry she’s been so hurtful

She sounds nuts. Block and delete! Be thankful you have not invested longer.
Do not bother with her again.

Well, SHE isn't a real friend, and maybe isn't capable of being a real friend to anyone.

I am really sorry that this has happened. But maybe it's better that it came up now. Better not to have someone as a friend at all, than as a false friend spreading spiteful gossip about you.

She is using attack as a form of defence. You dont need horrible folk in your life. Let this one go op.

She's acting like that because she's been caught out. She did you a favour because imagine if you found out years down the line what shes really like.

I'm petty as feck so I'd struggle to rise above this and would have to message back to tell her what an enormous twunt she is.

Then I'd be able to block and move on.

What an ARSE!!!