to think friend of a friend is being weird about

[letthemwonderhowwegotthisfar]

my new house.

My DH and I have recently moved into our new house. I knew the house already and had been in it a few times 10-15 years ago as it then belonged to the parents of a friend of a friend.

We moved in about three months ago and my friend, we’ll call her Nicola, phoned me and said her friend, Alison (whose house it was for years), had been on the phone and Nicola told her that we had bought her childhood home.

There has been another owner in the interim period and that’s who we bought the house from. So Alison asked Nicola to ask me if (when Covid restrictions are over) if she could come round to the house as she had some “bad memories in the house that she needs to put right..” I gently enquired what that would involve and Nicola had no idea and when pressed Alison wouldn’t say.

I haven’t seen Alison in about 10 years tbh and while I’m happy for her to come for a cup of tea when we’re allowed I just feel a bit odd about it. My DH has never met her and hasn’t said much, just that it sounds weird.

Am i overthinking this? I just don’t know what I should do.

[rawalpindithelabrador]

Purging her demons? Oh give me a break, she probably wants to sit and reflect quietly. What difference does it make to you what happened to her there?

Well, the OP doesn't know that because Allison expected to be let in to do whatever she didn't think the OP was worth knowing what but felt entitled to go into her property.

[rawalpindithelabrador]

Why didn't she sit and reflect when the house was on the market? Or ask the previous owners?

[Lollypop4]

I would've said No too.

[BlueThistles]

@rawalpindithelabrador

Why didn't she sit and reflect when the house was on the market? Or ask the previous owners?

🤣 true

[Shrivelled]

Or depending on restrictions at the time, you could go out and let her go round with your friend.

^ I know you‘ve made your mind up but that sounds like a really good idea.

[BrilliantBetty]

My parents had complete strangers (two sisters) knock and asked to look around the house. My parents were happy for them to have a quick look around the downstairs. It took about 5mins.

The ladies who came were grateful, they had lived there as children and lost their mother not long before they looked around. It's no biggie really, is it. And maybe it gave them comfort.

I would let her look (quickly).

[Sillysandy]

@MichelleScarn

sandy why does a total random's wish supercede the op?!

It's not a total random, she used to know her. It would be a small inconvenience to OP and could be a huge benefit to Alison.

How exactly does someone purging demons affect op? Demons are within. She's not going to damage the house. If she was crazy enough to burn the house down i don't think she would be asking permission. All the fuss because she said something bad happened! She was probably just being open to get the point across it would mean a lot more to her than just satisfying some curiosity.

[MichelleScarn]

some “bad memories in the house that she needs to put right
But what does putting them right envisage to Alison? I don't think shes ops friend, shes a 'friend of friend.

[Travis1]

Ffs the amount of people on here trying to guilt op into letting this woman into her home are the same people you see telling others just say no you don’t need to give a reason 🤦🏻‍♀️

Op you’re doing the right thing I definitely wouldn’t be happy with someone wandering round my house to settle ‘bad memories’

[rawalpindithelabrador]

There hasn't been any fuss. The OP and her husband discussed it. Decided no, told Nicola. Were clear it wouldn't be happening.

How exactly does someone purging demons affect op? Demons are within. She's not going to damage the house.

Exactly, so she can do that with a therapist, or could have approached the former owners or arranged a viewing when it was on the market.

[MichelleScarn]

And if 'demons are within she doesn't need to come to the house!

[Jackie2022]

I think you were a bit harsh about this. It’s absolutely your prerogative to say no, but I doubt she’s planning to hold a creepy seance in your dining room. She probably just wants to visit and look around briefly for memories sake

[saraclara]

Alison was asked what she planned to do, and wouldn't say. If she wanted to quietly reflect, she could have said so.

[Bagamoyo1]

I remember living in a shared house as a student, and one day I was there alone, and there was a knock at the door. A large family stood there - about 10 people, different generations - and a young woman asked if she could come in a show her family “where it all happened”. I let them in, and they went to my bedroom. Turned out she’d been married and her husband had set the house on fire while she was in the bath, hoping to kill her and claim the insurance. She’d managed to jump out of my bedroom window to safety, and he’d gone to prison. I knew the house has been involved in a fire, and had been newly decorated when we moved in.

[saraclara]

@Jackie2022

I think you were a bit harsh about this. It’s absolutely your prerogative to say no, but I doubt she’s planning to hold a creepy seance in your dining room. She probably just wants to visit and look around briefly for memories sake

So when she was asked, why didn't she say "I'd just like to look around briefly for memories sake"?

I find it very odd that she refused to say. That would be enough for me to say no.

[Sillysandy]

Well clearly not everyone shares my view but I think it was wholly mean spirited of you not to do her that favour.

As I said before, I would love to have a look at my childhood home. It's the last place I felt I had a complete family. I have a lot of complicated memories and emotions when I think of the house. If it turned out somebody I knew had bought the house I would leap at the chance to have a walk through and try to encourage some repressed memories. I have considered writing to the owners asking could i visit when I was very ill - I decided I would if it turned out to be terminal.

If a person I was friends with in the past bought the house i would see that as the perfect opportunity.

Really in what way was this actually going to affect you?

[Sillysandy]

@saraclara

Alison was asked what she planned to do, and wouldn't say. If she wanted to quietly reflect, she could have said so.

I presume she didn't want to say what went on there for her.

[Sillysandy]

@MichelleScarn

And if 'demons are within she doesn't need to come to the house!

What do you mean 'if'? You think demons are living in OP's home?

[YetAnotherSpartacus]

I'd have let her.

[SD1978]

I really don't understand those responding saying the OP is being mean. Alison has said that some unpleasant memories are associated to the house for her. Those saying OP is wrong- are you genuinely trying to claim that the f Alison told you this is where my dad abused me for years- pointing at your kids room, in your new house, you'd be ok with that? I'm honest enough to admit that I really wouldn't be.

[HopingForOurRainbowBaby]

@rivertoskateaway

Not quite the same but I would love to go back to my paternal grandparents old house, just to look around and reflect now that my grandparents and dad have passed - so many happy memories there.

Same here, but it would look totally different and ruin the memories for me. Although I do keep checking on Rightmove to see if it's up for sale again cos part of me doe want to know what it would look like modernised. Not sure if it was sold and turned into flats though cos it was one of those big houses on 3 levels. I did have a wonder once down the pathway where the driveway and garage used to be and it had been knocked down and block paved.

[rawalpindithelabrador]

Really in what way was this actually going to affect you?

She's already explained that. It makes her uncomfortable. She doesn't need to justify it. It would affect her and not in a good way. Her home and her children matter more than Alison's feelings .

Nothing stopping you from approaching the owners of your childhood home and asking. Not on to get upset if they say no.

[MichelleScarn]

@Sillysandy the demons are within is a quote from you... How exactly does someone purging demons affect op? Demons are within. She's not going to damage the house. If she was crazy enough to burn the house down i don't think she would be asking permission.

[Leeds2]

I'm with you OP. She wouldn't be looking round my house.

[BettyBoomerang]

What a ridiculously self indulgent request!

I can't believe someone would actually ask to go round someone else's home because they had some bad memories of the place.

I would never, ever agree to have someone shuddering over their demons in my home. You've done exactly right, OP.