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Original poster

Has life turned out better or worse Than you expected?

174 replies

Sunnydays999 · 19/02/2021 13:17

For me it’s better ( not including lockdown)
Had a awful childhood and difficult teens as I dealt with the hand I was given . Now I look back and think things are so much better than I thought they ever would be .Not a millionaire or anything, but
Healthy no major issues
Healthy kids
Job I like
Good husband
Like my home
Nothing out the ordinary but the sort of things I thought would be out of reach to me
Life is definitely better than I thought it would be . But that’s maybe because I had a horrendous childhood- but anyway what about you

OP posts:
Frequentflier · 19/02/2021 13:20

Worse really. I totally underestimated how hard it would be to a parent. Also career wise I have not achieved as much as I thought I would for various reasons. And a lot of illness

Magnificentmug12 · 19/02/2021 13:24

Not as great as I thought I’d be, although I was in touching distance of it before covid snatched it away!! 😡

Hopefully in 5 years time...I guess I’m still young and have time but I was so god damn close to getting all I wanted.

Bmidreams · 19/02/2021 13:25

I have so much on paper and so many wonderful things, but I thought I would just feel a bit...happier?? I did lose a parent young and lost my family unit, perhaps that's coloured everything. As pp says, I just didn't know it would feel so hard, especially when there is nothing actually "wrong".

hopeishere · 19/02/2021 13:29

Sort of worse. I keep having to deal with shit - redundancy, disabled child, cancer. Always seems to be some shit around the corner in my life Sad

bootlebum · 19/02/2021 13:31

Wildly better than I'd hoped. But I agree with PP about parenting. I just don't seem to be cut out for it and find it really difficult.

LilMidge01 · 19/02/2021 13:39

I am happy. Things could always be better but I love my life and know that if things dont always work out, I will find things to make me happy/fulfill me regardless

(for context, LTR of 10+years ended but I realised I was happier without have new DP now who I adore and love very much but whilst I would be short term devastated if it ended, I also know my happiness isn't dependent on such things and in the long term I will always find ways to fulfill myself and will be happy with or without partner/job etc.. because I love being alive and all the things it offers and also know it is sadly way too short)

However, I am considering children and the sheer amount of parents (particularly mums) that whilst don't actively regret having children, often say they are miserable really worries me and puts me off. That is something you can never un-do. I'm scared. I'm not sure if I want to risk my future happiness that way....

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 19/02/2021 13:39

I think I imagined living in a bigger house. However I've seen so many friends struggle with health issues, tragic bereavement, fertility and their children's serious mental health issues (several friends, not just one) that I feel guilty not being 100% grateful for how my life worked out.

madmara · 19/02/2021 13:41

On paper, everything is great - two income household, no money worries, lovely dc, family and friends.

However, there are what I consider fairly normal life events - both lost parents, infertility which took years to overcome, poor relationships with some of DH's family but very lc so no negative impact on our daily life but it's still there and crops up around birthdays, Christmas etc - that prevent me from being truly happy.

There's nothing I can do about any of these things and most of the time we carry on happily; maybe lockdown is making me think about it more.

When I think back to being a teenager, happiness was much more immediate - new top=happy. Now there will always be a low level of unhappiness due to life events. I guess it comes with age.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/02/2021 13:41

Better in some ways, worse in others.

I'm a single mum - never imagined that. But I'm a lot happier than I was as a child.

Cindersrellie · 19/02/2021 13:41

So much better! I hadn't realised how amazing it would be to have DD Grin

TeapotCollection · 19/02/2021 13:42

Better for me 😊

The first 14 years of my adult life were wasted in a very emotionally abusive and controlling relationship until I finally found the strength to leave him aged 32 - it took a LOT of strength and I still don’t know how I managed it

My wonderful husband adores me, I’m so lucky to have him, we’re not rich but we don’t care

Ozz13 · 19/02/2021 13:42

So much better!!! Honestly I have always had low expectations for myself but I was content in life. I never would have dreamed of scoring such a great husband, having 3 amazing kids, traveling the world, and having such great friends. I feel very lucky!

DDIJ · 19/02/2021 13:45

This reply has been withdrawn

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Scarby9 · 19/02/2021 13:47

Worse. But I'm generally fine with it.

Woebegonad · 19/02/2021 13:52

Worse.

I haven't made the most of the opportunities I've had. I've been too timid and now doors are slamming shut around me as I near retirement age.

ScrapThatThen · 19/02/2021 13:54

Infinitely better. My dh is ace, and the dc are unbelievable. I am very content and happy.

RealisticSketch · 19/02/2021 13:55

@Sunnydays999

For me it’s better ( not including lockdown) Had a awful childhood and difficult teens as I dealt with the hand I was given . Now I look back and think things are so much better than I thought they ever would be .Not a millionaire or anything, but Healthy no major issues Healthy kids Job I like Good husband Like my home Nothing out the ordinary but the sort of things I thought would be out of reach to me Life is definitely better than I thought it would be . But that’s maybe because I had a horrendous childhood- but anyway what about you
I could have written this word for word! Feel very lucky about it indeed.
LaurieFairyCake · 19/02/2021 13:55

So much better. When I was a teenager I couldn't imagine any happiness coming my way.

Angrymum22 · 19/02/2021 13:57

I don’t have anything to compare it with.
I’m still here, still married, reasonably healthy, reasonably wealthy, low stress and still enjoying life.
I learned early in my adult life that too much control and planning closes down opportunities. I have had some lucky breaks that had I not taken would have resulted in a very different life, and some choices have meant that I have made life a little harder.
It’s not all been happy but you learn to live with loss and move on. I do feel sorry for people who wrap themselves up in permanent grief.
I married for love not money, I made the money myself so have always wanted to be with DH and not needed to be with him.

Fe2O3Girl · 19/02/2021 13:57

When I was child I was told (and believed) I was going to live forever on Earth transformed into a paradise and play with tame lions and tigers.

So.....

I have a normal life now, great kids, good marriage, live in a nice place and have a good job. It’s actually much better than I expected once I realised that God wasn’t going to kill everyone who wasn’t a member of a little sect and I was going to die just like everyone always has and always will.

ivfbeenbusy · 19/02/2021 13:59

I wouldn't say worse but it definitely hasn't lived up to expectations and some areas have turned out more disappointing than others but maybe I read too many romantic classic novels when I was younger.

Arrierttyclock · 19/02/2021 14:00

So so so much better than expected!!!!

MindyStClaire · 19/02/2021 14:00

Probably about what I would have expected/hoped for in truth. Happy marriage, nice home, healthy kids, good job I mostly enjoy. Our kids are still very small and, like most people, that is harder and more relentless than I could have anticipated, but on the whole I know I'm very lucky and I'm very happy. Financial security and a good marriage will see you through most difficulties IME.

There have been illnesses and bereavements along the way, including one I couldn't have seen coming when younger and which I will never truly get over - but those negatives aren't enough to overcome my general happiness if that makes sense. No one's life is all sunshine and roses.

rawalpindithelabrador · 19/02/2021 14:01

Worse

fantasmasgoria1 · 19/02/2021 14:04

In many ways a lot worse. I was married to one extremely abusive man who abused me horrifically jn every category of abuse. The second was less abusive but was an alcoholic, was physically and psychologically abusive. It was dreadful and meant that I did not get to do many things I wanted to. My second did not control friendships, where I went etc but he was a massive gaslighter. My Fiance is awesome though. It has taken a few years to come to grips with what a normal relationship is. My mental health is absolutely dreadful, I feel a massive failure and that I must be a bad person. Neither exes worked so I had to keep them. I used to get in laws moaning why could I not afford to buy a house etc.