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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Has life turned out better or worse Than you expected?

174 replies

Sunnydays999 · 19/02/2021 13:17

For me it’s better ( not including lockdown)
Had a awful childhood and difficult teens as I dealt with the hand I was given . Now I look back and think things are so much better than I thought they ever would be .Not a millionaire or anything, but
Healthy no major issues
Healthy kids
Job I like
Good husband
Like my home
Nothing out the ordinary but the sort of things I thought would be out of reach to me
Life is definitely better than I thought it would be . But that’s maybe because I had a horrendous childhood- but anyway what about you

OP posts:
lazylinguist · 19/02/2021 14:06

Kind of the same as I expected really. I had a nice, happy childhood, not wealthy but comfortable. I went into the job I decided on when I was about 12, am happily married with lovely 2dc (12 and 15) who have been pretty easy to parent, and am still reasonably comfortably-off but definitely not wealthy. I did very well academically but had no desire for a high-flying career or lifestyle. I have what some might consider quite a boring life, but I'm happy!

Meruem · 19/02/2021 14:06

A million times better. I grew up in poverty and was neglected and abused. I had no goals, because it seemed pointless. I was homeless at 17 and came very close to turning to hard drugs, along with a couple of guys I knew trying to persuade me into sex work. Then I got pregnant which on MN is seen as a disaster! But it was the best thing that could have happened.

I totally turned my life around. Cut off all ties with everyone dodgy. After a few years I got a degree and a good career. I loved being a mum and my DC are now adults and doing fine. I have a lovely home and have travelled to many places. I never in my wildest dreams imagined I would have the life I have now. It’s probably a pretty standard life to lots of people! But when I think where the other fork in the road would have led me, I know I was really lucky.

I appreciate my life every day. Maybe it’s harder if you grow up expecting certain things in life and they fail to materialise. I had zero expectations so it wasn’t difficult for things to turn out better!

Mintjulia · 19/02/2021 14:11

Better by a huge margin.

Unhappy lonely teen with unpleasant mean spirited parents, now happy independent woman with beautiful son, my own home in a lovely place, healthy, financially independent (almost Smile). I have been incredibly lucky.

thefallthroughtheair · 19/02/2021 14:13

Maybe a bit better. My family was/is very odd, with very little love or care, but I seem to have grown up into a normal-ish adult with a loving and kind DP, DC, a few great friends. I look back and think it could have been a lot worse and I could have turned into a total weirdo but I've done alright and perhaps the sort of chain of abuse/misery has been broken. I hope so anyway. I hope DC s life feels very different.

Dogmum81 · 19/02/2021 14:14

This may sound odd but I go through life neither happy or sad! I seem to just go through life emotionless! I never think today has been a great day or bad day! Like for instance when family members die or on our wedding day I never felt over whelming emotion just that the the marriage / deaths were good/bad and I feel like that with everything so I’m not happier or sadder now I’ve got older I suppose I’m just on a level playing field with how I’ve always felt even as a kid!

We are fortunate to not have had many struggles or health issues in life so that’s good and we are ok financially which is also good but we’ve had some crappy times and I still feel exactly the same, I wouldn’t say I’m a zombie and just existing but I just don’t ever get happy or sad!

Original poster
Sunnydays999 · 19/02/2021 14:16

@Dogmum81 that sounds like depression or dissociation?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunnydays999 · 19/02/2021 14:17

Sorry I maybe jumped in to quick . It’s maybe normal for you . Appologies if I often you

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunnydays999 · 19/02/2021 14:17

@Meruem very similar to myself 💐

OP posts:
Toilenstripes · 19/02/2021 14:19

I realised recently that my childhood dreams had come true. I’ve traveled, have a wonderful husband, and feel mostly well within myself.

Starlive23 · 19/02/2021 14:22

Better! I'm not sure what I expected when I was younger but I came from a very poor background with an alcoholic dad. I was very happy my mum was and is incredible!
But I've got a house, lovely husband, house (just a two up two down) and lovely DD and one on the way. I even learned to drive! I never really expected any of it or at least I definitely didn't expect all of it, so I feel really happy with my lot in life and very lucky.

Dogmum81 · 19/02/2021 14:23

I don’t think it’s depression, I know two close friends with it and they really struggle with day to day life, I don’t struggle at all I’m just neither happy or sad , i know I love my family and would do anything for them and I do laugh and cry (but not for long)!!! In general day to day life and big events I just feel normal if that makes sense 🤷‍♀️ It’s very hard to explain but I’ve been like it since a child! I don’t get excited about things but I do enjoy things at the time I just wouldn’t say they make me happy, I don’t know what dissociation is so will look it up Smile

MirandaMarple · 19/02/2021 14:27

I don't think I ever had any expectations? I don't really think about the future much or look back and think that was a better or worse time.

I have been happy/am happy with my lot at any given time.

Chimeraforce · 19/02/2021 14:30

Worse. I have undiagnosed aspergers and it's robbed me of so much that is easily achievable for normal people who can function normally around people.
I was great up to about 10 then the differences showed.
Don't get me wrong, I've held down latest job for 3 years which is amazing. But I hate it. I just hate working. Wfh is a little better. Less peopley. I'm joint mortgage on a nice house in a horrid town that I should've left 20 years ago but Mr didn't want to.

Being a parent is just another point of failure I knew I shouldn't have done it. I love them and do the best I can but it's lacking I often feel overwhelmed and wonder if she'd be better in care.

AntiHop · 19/02/2021 14:30

My life is soooooo much happier than I expected. I had a very unhappy childhood with extremely dysfunctional parents. I assumed I'd be in an unhappy marriage and not know how to parent. I thought it was my destiny.

In fact, I'm in a very happy marriage and I love being a parent. I know dh and I will be together forever. When I was younger, I didn't realise this kind of love existed!

On the flip side, I'm much poorer than I imagined! I'd always expected I'd marry someone a lot richer Grin I thought I'd live in a big house and work part time as my husband would be rich. Instead we live in a tiny house, and I have to work full time. But I'm happy, which is much more important.

Frequentflier · 19/02/2021 14:30

I thought about this some more, and I think truly I have never been loved by anyone as much as my parents loved me. Not that we did not clash when I was young, but with hindsight I can see that that kind of unconditional love is rare. My dad is gone and my mom is 76, so I am a bit morbid today, sorry.

Am sorry for those of you who had terrible parents, but glad that many of you had better lives later.

mogloveseggs · 19/02/2021 14:31

I don't know.
Lost a parent young which really affected me.
Married an idiot.
Divorced the idiot eventually.
Now married to someone really lovely but accidents and other issues have really ground me down.
I think life is just exhausting.

EssentialHummus · 19/02/2021 14:34

Better. Financially/practically I take it for granted I think, but emotionally and in terms of relationships and friends - a million times better.

Maybemay123 · 19/02/2021 14:35

Worse dc with disabilities (wouldn't change them but there's a continual fight for health care, education, dla always something). I also became disabled, lost my career just as I was starting to move up the career ladder. I constantly fight for my health care, pip, social care. And quite honestly I think I'd have given up at times if it wasn't for the children.
That's not to say I don't have positives in my life and have happy times I do.

Mrsmummy90 · 19/02/2021 14:35

Much better than expected but like others said, I thought I'd feel happier.

I have a lovely big house, an incredible dh and two wonderful children.

I'm a sahm and would really like my own career, would love some holidays (dh and I have never been on one together - not even a honeymoon) and better health.

RealisticSketch · 19/02/2021 14:36

dogmum81 wow, if you are content, this sounds very zen... I would like to be less emotional. My emotions don't derail my day but they do need managing to make sure I don't give them too much undue influence.

howaboutchocolate · 19/02/2021 14:38

Better. I had some difficult parts of childhood and I grew up thinking that that was life. But I have an amazing marriage, I enjoy being a parent, I have an interesting job that I enjoy and I'm financially stable. To teenage me that seemed impossible. I feel like I live a charmed life now and realise how lucky I am.

DaisyandIvy · 19/02/2021 14:40

I don’t really think of it in better or worse, black and white terms.

I always longed to get married and have my own home and children and I had that. I was very content.

Then I lost my lovely mum and dad in a short space of time, both were in their early 60s. Took a decade to come to terms with and then my husband left me.

Sometimes life deals us a less than desirable hand. What matters is how we play it.

I aim for contentment, not happiness. Happiness is fleeting. I’m trying to find contentment again by focusing on the things in my life that are working.

Ijustknowitstimetogo · 19/02/2021 14:41

More difficult I suppose. Not necessarily worse.

MrsZola · 19/02/2021 14:46

Worse. Was very happy in my career until a new boss destroyed my confidence which ended up being tbe straw that broke the camel's back. Spiralled into depression and was off work for 6 months. Greatly exacerbated by discovering that 'D' H was massively in debt, had lied etc. He's not able to work anymore due to a progressive neurological illness - I would have left him if it wasn't for this. Luckily, I will have my own pension but it will be a big stretch to support both of us. We have to sell our house, which I always made clear was never to be at risk - he always promised it was safe. I feel betrayed and lied to - everything he has done has been for himself without considering his family. DS2 is autistic and still lives with us - DH knows how important it is for his future to be secure.
I hate him for putting us in such a precarious postion - I want to leave, but who does that to someone who needs care and is totally dependent on others? FML.

Dogmum81 · 19/02/2021 14:47

@RealisticSketch

dogmum81 wow, if you are content, this sounds very zen... I would like to be less emotional. My emotions don't derail my day but they do need managing to make sure I don't give them too much undue influence.
Do you think it’s contentment? I’m entirely sure what’s wrong with me but I just know I’ve never been overly happy or overly sad, I apparently have a resting bitch face according to one of my friends 🤣

Weirdly I’m very outgoing, chat a lot have great friends and family but when they have problems I can see the happiness/sadness in their eyes and their whole demeanor changes , whereas I show no emotion whatsoever because I don’t feel either ends of the emotions spectrum! I just bumble through life feeling that middle part that’s somewhere between happy and sad, some sort of everything’s ok but not great type of feeling but for everything that life has thrown at me if that makes sense! I’m a great person to talk to about anything because I just don’t get emotional in the subject! I tend to go through life with the “shit happens but it will be fine” mentality