Has life turned out better or worse Than you expected?

[Sunnydays999]

For me it’s better ( not including lockdown)
Had a awful childhood and difficult teens as I dealt with the hand I was given . Now I look back and think things are so much better than I thought they ever would be .Not a millionaire or anything, but
Healthy no major issues
Healthy kids
Job I like
Good husband
Like my home
Nothing out the ordinary but the sort of things I thought would be out of reach to me
Life is definitely better than I thought it would be . But that’s maybe because I had a horrendous childhood- but anyway what about you

Worse. And I had a tough childhood too, emotionally.

Worse. I am disabled and it has made life very difficult and held me back hugely.

Best not to jinx it

Worse. Way worse than I could have ever imagined. I was divorced in my 40s and my ex husband is still trying to drag me into court 5 years after the divorce because he's been suing the first lot of solicitors he had and the first lot of solicitors I had. That's half the problem in Ireland. Divorce is never final and ex husband has been getting free legal aid from 5 different towns. If I ever have the energy I'm going to chase that up as its ridiculous that I paid nearly €40,000 in fees and he decided to give up work to sue the solicitors without him paying a cent. He even texted me once and said he had a full time job suing corrupt solicitors! Then a couple of years ago I had a lot of health problems and found out l have a rare presentation of a rare Endocrine disease. I had surgery in an attempt to cure this disease but the surgeon took out one healthy gland instead of two overactive glands. I will have to have another operation in the UK with a specialist as the Irish surgeon won't operate on me again and to be honest he doesn't seem to have the skills I'll need anyway. If my private health insurance doesn't pay for it I'll have to pay about €13,000 to have it done in a private hospital in the UK. And I don't know when this might be as Irelands vaccination rate is very low at the moment. Last year my eldest daughter had to have her thyroid removed as her overactive thyroid flared up again and she ended up in A and E again with it. Her GP phoned me and told me to get her seen immediately as her thyroid levels were so bad they were the worst he'd ever seen in his 30 yrs as a doctor. One of the levels was so low it was nearly undectable. She still wasn't feeling great after the operation and it turned out she was very anaemic and her folate, B12 and VitD were in her boots. Anyway with supplements she's starting to improve and she's decided to finish her final year in college which she was going to abandon as she was having a bit of a meltdown with the amount of work she needed to do and the fact everything has been online since she went back in September. She also broke up with her first serious boyfriend this week which I am delighted about as he has a lot of very serious mental health problems including PTSD and NPD and was threatening to kill himself and other stuff as well. She's a strong girl but needs to look after her own physical and mental health conditions and all she could see was a lifetime of looking after the boyfriend. I also changed career in my mid 20s after studying in a different field but am stuck at the bottom of the rung because I can't do interviews to get promoted. In a way I'm glad I was diagnosed with the disease I have because one of the worst issues it causes is brain fog and I know its not early onset dementia and that's its also why I struggle to retain facts and info for interviews. Sorry for ranting. On the plus side I will own my own house in 8 years and the mortgage is very low compared to what it would be if I had to buy a house now and I could afford the repayments if I become to ill to work. Before the unsuccessful operation I was out sick from work for 3 or 4 months and I was ok on half pay and able to manage bills and pay the mortgage. Also I and my children started counselling sessions a year or so ago and that is helping. But my ex husband has a lot to answer for.

Me here I never felt any kind of happiness or peace until the age of 18 my mum was terribly abusive, I was bullied sexually assaulted and my grandma died who was the only stabilising influence I tried self harming and suicideI 'm now 27 have a good career have a DD and I'm raising her not to be dysfunctional or feel fear I hope the cycle breaks with me.

Also I don't think I'll ever meet anyone now and it is lonely and hard going bringing up two children on your own. Youngest was only 5 when we separated and she's 17 this month. Plus my ex h hasn't paid a cent in maintenance for years and it's impossible to go after him for it in Ireland. But my family and friends and neighbours are good to us and have been a huge help in getting me and the kids this far😊.

I had a bad childhood- not awful, we were materially well-off but there was a lot of anger in our house and my mum was emotionally abusive. All I ever wanted was to escape and to make my own family.

Didn’t get the family I wanted (never lived with anyone and never had kids) - but overall, life is much better than I imagined. 20 years of therapy mean I’m reconciled with my past and have a relationship with my parents that I can live with. I’m content with my own company and my pets, and have a career I love and am proud of. Few friends, but the friendships I have are solid and deep.

I like myself, and that’s something that teenage me never, ever thought I’d be able to say.

This is a great thread and I've enjoyed reading everyone's differing experiences.

I am, overall, really content and pleased with where my life is at the moment.

In comparison to my childhood, my life is totally different. I was beaten and my mother was cold, nasty and incapable of parenting in a loving or maternal way. We were poor. I grew up emotionally/mentally confused and had to do everything for myself. I could have easily become a failure, unsuccessful and incapable. However, my childhood made me incredibly ambitious and I was desperate to get out and do better.

I have a loving and incredibly hands on DH who I've been with a long time. Two energetic children. A large, beautifully furnished victorian house (in a not so nice city centre). A job I absolutely adore. Financially, we are sound. Not rich, but definitely comfortable. Overall, we are very lucky.

To balance this, the negatives are:

• since having children, my mental health has deteriorated and I am so anxious now. Traffic jams, supermarkets, crowds etc leave me feeling panicked
• DD (9) is incredibly defiant and makes life hard for us. She is being assessed for ASD. She won't sleep alone. I'm actually awake now after bring woken at 2. DH asleep on her bedroom floor as he does every night. I miss time with DH in bed. It's been like this for years and years. Shes on melatonin and still doesn't sleep through.
• although I adored looking after my babies and am very protective of my children , I have found motherhood overwhelming. It's the constant nature of it so I often go the motions . Lack of sleep for 9 years. I get incredibly angry. It's my mother coming out in me despite the fact I try so hard to break the cycle. Really really struggle looking after my elder daughter with her challenging needs as she's unlikeable and difficult a lot of the time. That's hard to write.
• I'm due to have my thyroid removed soon and I hope this doesn't affect my life much
• DH older than me with grown up children. I've missed having a family 'just us' as we've always had to adapt to accommodate his other children. Not a bad thing, but a lot harder to deal with than I thought.
• DH lacks confidence and prone to depression since his father committed suicide.

We all have ups and downs. Overall, life is so much better.

Worse. Had a miserable lonely childhood thanks to narcissistic mother but thought I'd "grow out of" the damage she caused once I escaped her.

I have dysfunctional parents, the best day was when I moved overseas and see them once a year. With Covid I am unable to visit. I'm mortgage free, have savings and a well paying job. But I have had cancer in my 30's and live with a rare gene mutation but life is do much better than when I was young.

Oh so much better. I had a very dysfunctional family life (though thankfully a loving Mum, caught up in bad relationships and bad choices but I was loved and cared for). She died very young, she was a single Mum, we were pretty poor and in my early 20s I was very self destructive and took lots of drugs, had an abusive boyfriend....it didn’t look good honestly. I did finish university.
It all turned around very quickly to be honest, I made a very conscious effort to turn my life around, I did well in my career, have a lovely husband, beautiful kids, live in a lovely place. Have had a lot of health worries and lost my career due to being a SAHM, but I think anyone looking at me at 22 versus now at 40 would be pleasantly surprised! Our family life is very stable, practically boring it’s so normal, we have all we need and lots of love. We’ve been married 14 years. I’m happy! My kids have a lot more stability and a great Dad than I did, it’s definitely better than expected!

I dont really know what I expected but life is good (excluding covid etc) and I'm pretty happy and grateful.

My kids especially. They are bloody amazing.

What a great question. Probably better I think, on the whole, for me. I was shy, bookish and was teased a lot at school. I had loving parents but there was a lot of conflict and financial issues. For some reason I assumed I would not have a partner or children - I'd be a spinster aunt - but that I would have a job that I enjoyed - a librarian, or a researcher perhaps.

I've ended up with an amazing daughter, an amicable relationship with her father, a wonderful caring partner, a wide and supportive group of friends and a career I enjoy and pays well.

I have been divorced and in an abusive relationshop with an alcoholic. My parents and sister have had some very serious health issues, and I have a chronic health issue. But every day above ground is a good day. I have meaning and joy in my life and feel very, very grateful.

Worse. Terrible lonely childhood with stressed argumentative parents. Ended up with controlling DH and very few friends. Not sure how I haven’t done better for myself to be honest!

So much better. Difficult childhood, unhappy teens, lots of drinking and dodgy men in my early 20s. At 24 I met DH and I can only say he has healed me in so many ways. I’m incredibly grateful and lucky.

Worse. However, I’ve learned to be joyful despite that. I used to wish I had made better choices even whilst knowing I did the best I could at the time- now I am making good choices, working hard, getting qualifications and it makes no difference at all. So maybe I was right to party as a youth!

A lot tougher than expected. Didn’t plan on being a single mum and just feel I should have left my job years ago as I now feel I don’t have the confidence to move on . Also feel like I will be single for ever as I have huge trust issues. I was never that insecure in my younger days 😢

Much better! Had an unhappy childhood but now married to a wonderful dh and have two ds, 6 and 2. I'm really proud of the mum I have become.

This is an interesting thread.

I think so much is perspective - fortune for one is another person’s bad luck.

My own childhood appeared great but our family was dysfunctional and unhappy. It has left me with an odd mix of low self esteem and anxiety. I don’t think I had expectations but knew I didn’t want my kids having a similar experience. I was with an abusive man in my twenties and hugely regret the waste. Luckily I escaped - that would have been a disaster. Always thought I would have been a crap mum but love, love it and my DCs despite the relentless grind. It’s getting easier and I’m very close to my kids. Marriage is okay - not perfect. DH is infertile so my kids are conceived with donor sperm - no one knows this but we are telling the kids. This sounds like it was tough and it was - but my perspective is we were lucky I was very fertile and we could afford prompt private treatment. I’m incredibly lucky my health is great but I don’t take it for granted as there are genetic conditions in our family always hanging over me. As a result I really look after myself. Career - it’s been safe - I’m retraining. We are comfortable but by no means wealthy but I think wealth brings its own issues for kids.

I’m careful with expectations. Life has a funny way of biting us on the bum! I always thought I would be well off but alone with no kids. I’m thankful for my life every day despite the utter shit at times.

A mix i think. I was blessed with a very happy, comfortable and stable childhood, so i naively expected that to just continue into adulthood. Although I'm a worrier by nature, I always expected good things ultimately.

Inevitably life has been a mix. Good health, professional career, 3 gorgeous dc and i love being a mum, financially comfortable.

But never got married and relationship with dp is not the best, & parents both been ill/ dying/ dead the whole of my adult life which has cast a long shadow over everything.

I think most of these posts demonstrate a quote i like "your life circumstances are half chance, so don't congratulate yourself or berate yourself too much either".

Much better but I still have crippling anxiety I can’t shake

Worse I didn’t ever think that I’d have so many problems with my dd now that she’s a teenager. It’s really broke me as I felt we had a wonderful relationship up until she became 15.
I also struggle with anxiety which tends to get in the way of any enjoyment.
I’m happy with my job, I love my house but don’t like the neighbours. I’m trying to be more positive but sometimes the anxiety wins again.

Way better.

I had a difficult childhood and struggled to get my career off the ground in my 20s in the middle of a recession. I never thought I'd do particularly well in life.

Things changed when I met dh, re-trained for a different career and then had dc. We've had a lot of bad stuff happen with dh and dd2 having health problems and there are significant in law issues. But being in a good relationship, having a good career and no money issues make it all easy to deal with and we're very happy.