To think cleaning the house takes a really long time

[Thisismynewname123]

I'm not a very good or a natural cleaner. We have had cleaners, but DH hates having a stranger in the house (he also doesn't clean, because mess doesn't bother him. Not getting into that discussion now though). I work full time. Currently WFH, but even so, it's a busy job and I don't have time during the day to clean. I'm too tired by the evenings, and I do the cooking as well, which takes my evening. So, how long do you think it should take to clean a 4 bedroom, 2 full bathroom plus downstairs toilet reasonably large house? I also do all the laundry, and changing bedsheets. 2 secondary age children (although one with special needs means she's little help. Older one could, but is lazy). I feel as though this is a full day at the weekend, plus extra with getting through all the laundry. A cleaner does it in 4 hours, but she doesn't change bed sheets or do laundry, and she alternates weeks with the bedrooms.
Does anyone have any tips on how to make it more efficient? If you don't have a cleaner, how long do you think this should take?

I'm torn on how to respond.

Op has specifically requested that she doesn't want to talk about the actual problem, the husband.

So, here we have posters giving tips on how SHE should fix the situation, and tips to make it more efficient.

No, no, fucking no. I'm actually not torn. Address the actual problem.

Your husband. Either he helps (and by that I mean does half), or he pays for a cleaner.

Older child looks after her own bedroom. It gets messy, but it's her problem and I leave her to it. She blitzed it every few weeks and I just have a go at her about picking up her clothes in between. She changes her own bedding.
Younger one finds it challenging. She has ADHD and autism. Her attempts at cleaning invariably create more mess. I just about manage to get her to empty the dishwasher occasionally.
DH grew up in a messy house and doesn't see it. If he lived alone, he'd probably blitz once every couple of months when it becomes noticeable. He does hoover/clean floors because it'sthe only thing that bothers him, but that's about it.
We can afford a cleaner and when we've had one, I've just paid for it myself saying it's non negotiable, but every now and then DH has his rant about much he hates a stranger moving his stuff around. In general, it all falls together because no one else cares if it's messy and no one else sees the dirt or the need to clean a toilet or shower regularly

Oh god. Please don't be a doormat and run yourself ragged. hire the cleaner, if your husband doesn't like it that's his problem. You already have a full-time job, you don't need another one.

What you should be asking is how to make the remaining jobs of laundry and cooking more equitable.

Yes it does, it takes my cleaner 2.5 hours to get through our house, and that doesn't include cleaning the blinds or a few other bits.
This alone cements my reasons for having a cleaner, I'm not willing to give up this time with my family to clean on top of a full time job.
I'm also very house proud, I'd like to be more relaxed and have tried to be, but it's not me, therefore it's much less stressful all round if I just pay a cleaner

Why should your husbands antipathy to having strangers in the house trump your need to have a full weekend?

So you do all the shopping, laundry cooking, cleaning and work full time?

Does he not care for your mental and physical well-being? I guess it suits him very well to have an in-house servant. Better than a servant because you are a source of income as well as doing all the work!

Sorry but you are being well and truly mugged off here. Leisure hours and work hours should be equally shared in a true partnership.

I'm not a fan of cleaning either. I do something every day, that way it feels less overwhelming and builds up to a nice clean house by the end of the week. For example, yesterday I polished the living room. Today I'll mop the floor. It's just little things really that don't take long. I tried the once a week blitz thing but found that I dreaded that day and it took hours and hours. This way every little helps 😊

How tidy is the house at the moment? I love the Organised Mum Method but you do need to be reasonably on top of things at the start. She does a boot camp for decluttering which is very good and gives a plan on getting house tidy enough that cleaning is easy.

You need to tackle DH first. He can’t both refuse a cleaner and refuse to clean. I’d also get the teens to help out. My kids are meant to keep their rooms tidy so I can get in to clean, put clothes away, fill up dishwasher etc.

I would say as a general thing do things straight away and then it doesn’t build up the weekend.

I think, that provided you keep on top of it, it takes hardly any time at all.

My current routine FWIW (I'd say slightly larger than average 4 bed house, but only one bathroom).

Load dishwasher and washing machine after dinner. Empty and sort both before work - 10 mins max

Wipe over kitchen and round sink, inside microwave, if it needs, it daily with washing up after dinner 5 mins

Wipe round bathroom sink and loo daily when I get out if the shower

Clean bathroom and downstairs loo Sarurday morning. 30 mins max, but it's possible in 20m. I've also "trained" DC for this and they have detailed written instructions saved in their phones, so more often than not they do it, when asked. I found setting regular chores more trouble than it's worth with all the "reminders" needed but they wouldn't dream of saying no when asked to do a specific task.

Set Eufy going downstairs while I dust and polish door handles Friday eve (to get it done for the weekend) 20 mins and then let Eufy carry on while I have a glass of wine

Same upstairs on Sunday, 15 mins. Mop kitchen, 10 mins.

30 min to an hour each weekend doing extra jobs like cleaning the fridge or windows.

Kids strip and remake their own beds every Monday morning. They're responsible for their own rooms. I close the doors and don't look.

I don't have particularly high standards, but the house is always presentable and housework doesn't cause any stress.

Previously because I was frustrated by DH seeing it as "helping" he was allocated laundry start to finish, so if someone didn't have a shirt it was his problem, amd that worked pretty well, but he's too unwell to do it now

Keeping on top of it means nothing's really dirty when you come to clean it so it can be done quickly, let it slip and it does become a much bigger job.

Either pay for a cleaner out of family money, or you do the cleaning, but no cooking or laundry for anyone else. Make your own food and perhaps for the youngest too if she can't do it herself, but doing the work of four people all by yourself on top of a full time job because no-one else can be arsed, well fuck that.

There was a post on here from a woman a few weeks back who went on strike and basically retired to her bedroom except to make her own food, in response to being taken for granted by her lazy disrespectful family and the family did step up after few days.

Get the cleaner.

"A stranger touched my discarded hair on the plug hole and the drips from my urine on the toilet seat!!"
"Then clean it yourself"
"No"
"Then the cleaner stays"

I'm normally team No wins but if he expects you to do everything except the floors (and I bet you still do some of them). I'd point out he also CBA to change a bed, do the laundry or cook dinner so the cleaner is helping you because he's lazy

DH grew up in a messy house and doesn't see it.

Pathetic.

Of course he 'sees' it. I assume you don't have to guide him through other parts of daily life? Just the parts he cba with

Oh me me me! I have an idea! Get rid of the lazy twat making the mess who ‘doesn’t see it’.

I’ve not RTFT and am sure I’m not the first with this suggestion.

Sorry, I should say as well that short bursts, especially if that's all the time you have, work better than "allowing" a whole morning. You can get loads done in 20 mins, you wouldn't do 9 times as much in 3 hours.

Same house size. 4 kids. Takes about 2 hours a day and ita far from immaculate

My house takes me 3-4 hours to do a normal clean, 1-2 hours for a quick surface clean and and about 6-8 hours for a thorough spring clean

Small 2.5 bed house. Goodness knows how long I'd take in a big house!
I'm a useless cleaner though

If your husband doesn't want a cleaner then he really should be doing more and I think this is what you need to address most of all. If you don't have one then you could get an robot hoover to help save on time. I'm sure there's probably a few tasks that the whole family could do as they go along, i.e. washing up/ loading dishwasher straight away, wiping kitchen surfaces down once a day, making sure things get put back where they belong after use, making sure clothes go in laundry basket or washing machine etc.

Either pay for a cleaner out of family money, or you do the cleaning, but no cooking or laundry for anyone else.

I agree with this. It doesn’t bother your husband if the house is dirty. Just smile sweetly and say it doesn’t bother you if he doesn’t have clean clothes. You just don’t see it.
Likewise he might be hungry, but you can’t feel it so it’s not a problem for you.

Be as airily dismissive as he is. See how he likes them apples.

Your husband sounds like a dick. How do you put up with this?

@GhoulWithADragonTattoo it's not oartuculatly tidy! It's not a total disaster, but there are always piles of papers in the kitchen (and elsewhere) that don't have a home.
I agree DH and DCs need to help more, but it's a constant battle with them all. I've tried teacher older DC to clean the bathroom, but she doesn't do it regularly, and I have to supervise and show her what to do each time.
I'm not good at staying in top of it. Dishes and cleaned and dishwasher loaded/unloaded constantly, but whenever I go to clean, by the time I've sorted out piles of "stuff " and cleaned the bathrooms, done some laundry and changed bed, I can't be bothered any more!

It's not very fair of your husband to put you in a position where he doesn't clean and refuses to have a cleaner... hope you do realise that?

Putting that aside... can you put a wash load on every morning/afternoon depending on your work schedule? That would take off some of the pressure at the weekend?

Not sure I ever do my entire house at once to be honest... I tend to try and keep everything relatively clean, then I only need to tackle the bathrooms at weekends.

Here's the thread from the poster who went on strike.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4143333-Had-enough-of-my-family-Ive-gone-on-strike

At the end of the thread, she says that if the rest of the family start to relapse, she goes back to doing nothing for nobody.

My DH doesn't like having a cleaner either, I told him if we didn't have one he could do it but I wouldn't be, tried that for a few months and he didn't so he accepted the cleaner again! We've upsized and haven't found budget for a cleaner yet, kitchen gets cleaned every day, bathrooms once a week and I do a deep clean each half term when I am off. As soon as money allows I will be getting a cleaner back in.

@DaphneBridgerton yes, laundry gets done throughout the week. It's the folding and putting away that takes time (older DC and DH put their - already sorted - pile of clothes away).
I know I'm a mug which is why I don't want to get into it, but I don't know how to convince everyone they need to help without being told that I'm always moaning.

Your husband isn’t bothered by mess, but cleaning isn’t just about tidying up is it.. it’s getting rid of dirt and other nasty stuff that can gather in the home. You need a serious word with him it’s not acceptable that he doesn’t do ANYTHING while you do it all. I’m the first to admit I actually prefer to do the cleaning myself but my fiancé does the bathroom and helps with laundry and other stuff in the home.

Op, you're going to wake up one day and think 'what the fuck was I doing?'