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Original poster

DD using tarot cards

316 replies

silverjackal · 18/02/2021 14:08

I've made it very clear to my DD that I don't approve of her getting involved in tarot readings, divination, etc. and I certainly don't want her bringing home tarot decks. She went ahead and bought three (!!) decks without my permission, using the money I gave her for emergencies.

This happened a couple of months ago, but she only told me she bought them last week. According to her they "help her" and she's using them to inform her A Level options of all things! (I genuinely don't know if she's joking.)

I told her she has to get rid of them and she reacted very angrily, but I honestly don't know what else she expects? She bought them without my permission, using her emergency money, and seems to have an unhealthy dependency on them.

If anyone has advice I'd appreciate it.

OP posts:
Laiste · 18/02/2021 14:30

Are you confusing them with ouija boards OP?

There is no inherent 'power', good or evil, in a tarot deck. Any spirituality comes from within the reader.

What do you expect to happen?

Many tarot decks these days are very beautiful.

I'm sure this is a stage she is going through which you will only make more significant and interesting to her by reacting so strongly about it. Rolling your eyes and ignoring it will let it die a natural death.

Or - perhaps she will be a skilled reader and enjoy it and let it enhance her life for a few years. There's a lot of knowledge and interesting history/info which will be learned if you really get into the tarot.

BlueTimes · 18/02/2021 14:32

I would get her to repay the emergency money and leave it at that.

Don’t be controlling or else she will continue not to confide in you and you’ll have a lesser relationship than you could as a result.

Fuckadoodledoooo · 18/02/2021 14:34

It's tarot cards, not meth.

And what do you think they will do? Harm her? They are pointless fun.

thecatfromjapan · 18/02/2021 14:35

You need to chill.

If you go completely over the top about this, you blow all your lines of communication and your credibility about the stuff that matters.

If I were your daughter, and you were hugging and puffing at me about tarot cards, I would be angry, see your intervention as an unreasonable show of force, and give less credence to anything else you said.

For example, about A level choice.

She needs someone to listen to her, and to advise - not tell - about A level choice.

I suspect you have an anxious style of parenting, where you feel out of control a lot of the time, don't trust your relationship with your child, or their capacity to make wise choices. Hence gojng over the top and hitting the nuclear option with inappropriate stuff.

Hence her asking the tarot cards about A levels - rather than talking about it with you.

Sounds pretty grim.

(And I say all this as someone who was brought up to really disapprove of things like tarot. And, if I'm honest, I disapprove still. I'd no more consult tarot than I'd commit animal sacrifice. But I still think you're over the top.)

riotlady · 18/02/2021 14:37

Ugh I remember my mum confiscating my tarot cards and crystals when I was a teenager. They’re harmless, and her coming down so hard on me did not help our relationship.

Like a previous poster, I’m not a Pagan now- in fact I returned to the church as an adult- but I think that time seeking and learning about religions and choosing my own path was really valuable to me. I gained a lot of comfort and self confidence- I think a lot of the appeal to young women is that they so often feel powerless, and pagan spirituality often centres women and feminine energy.

Fuckadoodledoooo · 18/02/2021 14:37

Also, if I'd had emergency money at that age, it would've been spent on booze within the hour.

Pick your battles.

oil0W0lio · 18/02/2021 14:37

If I was in her shoes I'd go full on gypsy rose Lee just to spite you!
I think you are being too controlling and this will backfire on you

Icecreamsoda99 · 18/02/2021 14:39

It's pretty common for teens to be interested in the occult to some degree. I had a pack of beautiful tarot cards around that age. It's a time when you are waiting for life to begin and also coming to terms with your own mortality. Tarot cards are harmless, they are very vague readings and open to interpretation, as others said there is nothing about spirit summoning.

Terfy · 18/02/2021 14:39

They're tarot cards, it's not a ouija board

Even if it were a Ouija board, it's still just a harmless game/hobby/fad.

cravingthelook · 18/02/2021 14:40

I read tarot, sometimes. For me it's a method of meditation, a way to focus my mind of what's bothering me, or what I want to understand more. The cards don't give me answers, they help me formulate questions for myself. They encourage me to explore and think about things from different perspectives. They are simply to facilitate my thoughts in a more structured way. I love the calm that the process of reading brings me, that itself helps me think. I also love the artwork. Grin

If you ban an a-level aged teenager from something you make it more enticing.

Perhaps educate yourself on the use of cards and find out why she is drawn to them. Perhaps she, like me likes the artwork or the process of reading. She won't be making a choice of a levels based on what the cards tell her, instead it is likely to be helping her structure her thoughts on her choices. Give her a little credit.

Keep the spending emergency money issue separate.

Bells3032 · 18/02/2021 14:40

I was the same at her age. My parents also objected for religious reasons so i hid them in my wash bag. i grew out of it eventually and actually i am now more religious than my parents!

cravingthelook · 18/02/2021 14:43

Oh and for what it's worth, I have a deep (albeit unconventional) faith

Mulhollandmagoo · 18/02/2021 14:44

She shouldn't have spent the emergency money - but in terms of the cards, I think if she wants them then she should have them, its an interest that she has and that should be respected, they're neither harmful or illegal so there is no harm.

I'm guessing from your post that she's 16ish? probably about time her mum stops forbidding her to buy things she's interested in? you're treating her much younger than what she is and that will damage your relationship going forward. this is one of those 'pick your battles' things that us parents are so fond of

TwilightSkies · 18/02/2021 14:48

You need to relax and back off. She’s going to do it anyway because SHE likes it and is interested in it. Why should she need your permission?

Devlesko · 18/02/2021 14:49

Have just thought.
Are you a Christian OP, if so I can understand how you feel.
My friend won't have anything to do with divinity for this reason. She even came and blessed my house when she knew I practised daily. Grin
Great friend though and I accept it goes against her belief.

Devlesko · 18/02/2021 14:50

@oil0W0lio

If I was in her shoes I'd go full on gypsy rose Lee just to spite you! I think you are being too controlling and this will backfire on you
This is me Grin
Cam77 · 18/02/2021 14:52

Shes bought them now. Let her keep them and deduct the money from future purchases.

Laiste · 18/02/2021 14:53

I think the reason posters are talking about not conflating tarot with ouija is not to do with one being more 'real' the other.

It's because with ouija in a nut shell the idea is to call spirits of the dead to where you are to communicate with you. Tarot isn't that. It's divination which uses the energy/power/gift (whatever you want) which comes from the actual living reader of the cards. (ie in this case OPs DD).

Weather or not you believe any of it, that is the difference.

It does sound as if the OP is reacting as if she believes the tarot is the same as ouija.

GoLightlyontheEarth · 18/02/2021 14:53

You sound like a very controlling person. Why do you think you have the right to tell her what she should be interested in? She shouldn’t have used your money. Get her to pay it back and leave her to enjoy her cards.

Lorw · 18/02/2021 14:54

My whole family and I are pagan/Wiccan so tarot is a normal part of life for us and something we do for guidance and if she is interested she should be able to explore that.

purplecorkheart · 18/02/2021 14:55

She should not have used Emergency money but other than that I would leave it. She is 15/16 she needs to be able to make some choices for herself

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 18/02/2021 14:55

You sound familiar. I'm sure you posted before about her clothes. You're going to truly fuck up your relationship with your child if you don't stop.

roastpotatoesss · 18/02/2021 14:56

She shouldn't have spent the emergency money on them, but tarot cards are harmless- I dabbled in similar at that age (and ouija boards too!), it was just a phase and nothing to worry about.

I am now in my 30s and have friends who use tarot cards, they're no more harmful than horoscopes- at worst you may not believe in them, but that's about it.

Laiste · 18/02/2021 14:57

In other words (sorry to bang on but this is a subject close to my heart) OPs DD could sit and design/draw/paint her own tarot or rune deck and use those and to a tarot believer they would pass as the same thing.

Or pretty stones from the garden.

There's no 'power' in the deck of paper cards themselves.

Soubriquet · 18/02/2021 14:58

Your told her not to buy something that is completely harmless

Of course she got them anyway

Yabu

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