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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find it odd that she felt the need to correct me

278 replies

Holidaypending · 18/02/2021 13:20

I was asked how old I was at work so I said 25 as I’m 25 in. July. Work fired then say oh you actually 24 not 25. I don’t see what difference it makes as I’m very nearly 25 so simple rounded up.

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 19/02/2021 05:41

LankylegsFromOz

Nobody is stopping you from saying "I'm a young/old 34" (or whatever) with a smile, or even just "I'm 34, but I really don't feel it" - but your age is just a statement of fact and nothing else.

We have threads on here about being middle aged or elderly, where people will deny until their faces go Smurf-blue that they are in one of these age brackets as it's clear they think it's a value judgment or admission of weakness/decrepitude rather than just based on the number of years you've been alive - nothing more or less.

wellthatsunusual · 19/02/2021 05:44

I wish the OP would come back and explain the logic behind lying about her age.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 19/02/2021 06:01

She will do sometime in the next hour or so. Or on Tuesday. Or in July. or in 2024. Who knows, frankly - the passage of time is such an abstract, controversial concept?!

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 19/02/2021 06:35

I do this, I round up all the time, I have no idea why. I was born right at the end of the year and will say I am 46 this year even though I have been 45 for 5 days or even worse say I’ll be 47 next year. My friends are always correcting me.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 19/02/2021 08:12

I do this, I round up all the time, I have no idea why. I was born right at the end of the year and will say I am 46 this year even though I have been 45 for 5 days or even worse say I’ll be 47 next year. My friends are always correcting me.

But you're not actually wrong, even if a little unorthodox: 46 this year makes it clear (albeit in a roundabout way) that you're currently 45.

NellePorter · 19/02/2021 08:21

My husband rounds up his age and I've always found it very odd! He does it from the start of the calendar year too, and his birthday isn't until October!

sashagabadon · 19/02/2021 08:31

I prefer rounding down Grin

SnuggyBuggy · 19/02/2021 08:49

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

LankylegsFromOz

Nobody is stopping you from saying "I'm a young/old 34" (or whatever) with a smile, or even just "I'm 34, but I really don't feel it" - but your age is just a statement of fact and nothing else.

We have threads on here about being middle aged or elderly, where people will deny until their faces go Smurf-blue that they are in one of these age brackets as it's clear they think it's a value judgment or admission of weakness/decrepitude rather than just based on the number of years you've been alive - nothing more or less.

This. The level of delusion that some people have over their age is depressing. I'll always remember that 18-30 group I joined in my early 20s full of 30 and 40 somethings (if I'm being generous). They didn't seem young at heart they just seemed sad and deluded about how old they were.

I'd considered that I might have more sympathy for people doing this as I got older myself but find I have less. Be yourself, be young at heart if you want but don't pretend to be something you're not.

RootyT00t · 19/02/2021 08:49

@Athrawes

24 vs 25 is quite important at work, for stuff like vehicle insurance
Louder for those at the back...

OP will have given her date of birth in paperwork,
This is in conversation.

CovidLockdownmustend · 19/02/2021 08:50

I round down to the nearest 10 below

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 19/02/2021 09:37

Louder for those at the back...

OP will have given her date of birth in paperwork,
This is in conversation.

OP hasn't actually stated what capacity or role the work friend is in. Suppose she is in charge of (or can request) the works pool cars/vans, which are insured for any driver over 25, wants OP to drive to another office or client's location and is just checking that she will qualify. If she's also a friend at work, she's less likely to insist on checking her exact DOB with HR - will just assume that she's been told the truth; meanwhile, OP has been given the keys to the car, so assumes all is OK - and then is driving on behalf of the company completely illegally. It could be the same if she was asked if she had a driving licence, answered yes, was given the car keys, and it turned out she'd only actually had a provisional.

Driving may very well not have anything to do with this scenario, but it could be something similar - such as higher NMW entitlement, as has already been said. Yes, official records should be verified, but workplaces will often work on trust - or otherwise just make the final confirmatory checks at the end, having put in all of the preparation work.

Of course, it might just have been a friendly question for no particular purpose, but even then, how can OP know that the info won't be mentally retained for a later occasion, when it might be pertinent.

Actual facts matter - not just 'nearly facts'. We read on here quite often where people aren't married but consider themselves to effectively be married (maybe even actively making wedding plans). If you've been married for one day, there are a number of scenarios where you will have gained full rights and/or responsibilities as a legal spouse; on the day before your wedding (or if you've cohabited for 50 years), you don't.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 19/02/2021 09:38

Bold fail.

RootyT00t · 19/02/2021 09:40

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Louder for those at the back...

OP will have given her date of birth in paperwork,
This is in conversation.

OP hasn't actually stated what capacity or role the work friend is in. Suppose she is in charge of (or can request) the works pool cars/vans, which are insured for any driver over 25, wants OP to drive to another office or client's location and is just checking that she will qualify. If she's also a friend at work, she's less likely to insist on checking her exact DOB with HR - will just assume that she's been told the truth; meanwhile, OP has been given the keys to the car, so assumes all is OK - and then is driving on behalf of the company completely illegally. It could be the same if she was asked if she had a driving licence, answered yes, was given the car keys, and it turned out she'd only actually had a provisional.

Driving may very well not have anything to do with this scenario, but it could be something similar - such as higher NMW entitlement, as has already been said. Yes, official records should be verified, but workplaces will often work on trust - or otherwise just make the final confirmatory checks at the end, having put in all of the preparation work.

Of course, it might just have been a friendly question for no particular purpose, but even then, how can OP know that the info won't be mentally retained for a later occasion, when it might be pertinent.

Actual facts matter - not just 'nearly facts'. We read on here quite often where people aren't married but consider themselves to effectively be married (maybe even actively making wedding plans). If you've been married for one day, there are a number of scenarios where you will have gained full rights and/or responsibilities as a legal spouse; on the day before your wedding (or if you've cohabited for 50 years), you don't.

Nobody would pay anyone based on the words 'im 25'. This is utterly ridiculous.
DoodleLovin · 19/02/2021 09:41

I round up too OP. I'm 27 next month and when people ask I just say 27 now. Don't see why it's such a big deal?

Chemenger · 19/02/2021 09:56

@DoodleLovin

I round up too OP. I'm 27 next month and when people ask I just say 27 now. Don't see why it's such a big deal?
Because it isn't true? Just on principle isn't it better to tell the truth?
Norwaydidnthappen · 19/02/2021 09:57

My birthday is next week so I’d tell everyone I’m ‘almost 28’ because I am indeed 6 days away from 28. Your birthday is 5 months away so no, you can’t round your age up...

Figgygal · 19/02/2021 09:57

I’m with pretty much everybody else you’re 24 you’re not actually anywhere near 25
odd thing to do

BillMasen · 19/02/2021 10:49

“Louder for those at the back...

OP will have given her date of birth in paperwork,
This is in conversation.”

@RootyT00t bit patronising. I think they know that. It just looks like OP might have been trying it on and yes, that would get checked but if she was, it’s not a good look.

LankylegsFromOz · 19/02/2021 11:31

Umm. I think some of you guys might be mistaking me for someone who actually gives a feck about my age 🤣

As I said, I don't know why I have ever done it and it's been something I've done before I was actually considered old. Have you ever done or thought something weird and wondered why?

In any case, I decided it was a weird thing that do and you can psycho-analyse me all you want.. if you are bored enough that is 😅

FuckyouCovid21 · 19/02/2021 11:39

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

She will do sometime in the next hour or so. Or on Tuesday. Or in July. or in 2024. Who knows, frankly - the passage of time is such an abstract, controversial concept?!
Grin
RootyT00t · 19/02/2021 12:14

@BillMasen

“Louder for those at the back...

OP will have given her date of birth in paperwork,
This is in conversation.”

@RootyT00t bit patronising. I think they know that. It just looks like OP might have been trying it on and yes, that would get checked but if she was, it’s not a good look.

No what is patronising is to pretend that OP is a liar and that she's deliberately being fraudulent when it is obvious that isn't the case. It doesn't look like OP is trying it on in the slightest.
Butchyrestingface · 19/02/2021 13:29

@CoastAlong

There was a thread like this a few months ago by a poster who always gave the age of her children as the age they would be on their next birthday. The whole thread was crazy.

When her child had just gone from 3 to 4 on their birthday, she would tell people the child was 5, or something like that. Most people on the thread were asking why.

I remember her. July 2020. She was fun.
RockingMyFiftiesNot · 19/02/2021 13:35

Whilst I think it's weird to give the age you are going to be in quite a few months rather than the age you actually are, your friend shouldn't have pulled you up on it in front of others and made you look silly.

DianaT1969 · 19/02/2021 13:51

Please tell me you don't work in finance, or anywhere where data accuracy is important 🤣.
I'm 41 years old and weigh 9st. I'm not, and I don't, but hey, it's nearly correct! What's a decade or 2 stone...

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 19/02/2021 14:07

Nobody would pay anyone based on the words 'im 25'. This is utterly ridiculous.

Which is why I said they might put plans in place, based on the info they've been given, and then officially verify it just before putting it into effect. That said, plenty of small employers with one or two staff members (little cafes, newsagents etc) wouldn't necessarily go down the full audit route and would take it on trust, having built up a good working relationship with you.

Back to the driving thing, I'm obviously far older than 25, but I work for a small charity and I've been asked on occasion to do a few errands using the van owned by one of the leaders. Nobody has ever asked to see my driving licence or a certificate of insurance with entitlement to drive borrowed vehicles - we have a great relationship and they just trust me to tell the truth or to raise any issues that there may be.

No what is patronising is to pretend that OP is a liar and that she's deliberately being fraudulent when it is obvious that isn't the case. It doesn't look like OP is trying it on in the slightest.

It depends on how you classify the word 'liar' - whether you mean a perpetual teller of untruths or somebody who lies just once. Like people who happily admit to getting very drunk every weekend but would take offence at being called a drunkard.

Assuming OP knows when her birthday is and can understand both the basics of a calendar and the standard way of calculating and stating your age across most of the western world, she did deliberately tell a lie. Not a groundbreaking nasty one, but as PPs have said, once you're found out to be so free and easy with the truth in one situation, people wonder if you're a habitual liar and wonder if they should trust anything you say. They don't know your motives or intentions: they just know that they asked you a very simple, basic question and you replied by giving false information.

your friend shouldn't have pulled you up on it in front of others and made you look silly.

Do we know the friend was intending to actually 'pull her up' about it? Don't other people innocently query information when it sounds like somebody might have been mistaken - if for nothing else, to assuage their own confusion rather than as a gotcha?