To name Rainbow baby after Angel baby

[MeekPoster]

After spending the last few months seeking comfort, laughter and wisdom on Mumsnet as a silent reader, I have decided to make my first post. I will preface this by saying that I am open to all opinions and comments, even the ones that may be difficult to read. My question is simply this: Would it be unreasonable to name a rainbow baby after an angel baby? I lost my first pregnancy at 15-weeks after my water broke early. It was a shock that my DP and I were completely caught off-guard by and are still recovering from as best we can. After the devastating loss, my DP was adamant that he didn’t want to name the baby or have a funeral. However, after a week I suggested that we call the baby a name that had been on our list but was more of an unusual and rare name I was certain we probably wouldn’t have used. After we announced the name to a few family members, we were overwhelmed by the positive reaction to the name we picked out. We were told it was one of the “most beautiful boy names”, “something they never heard before” and “absolutely lovely”. We are pregnant again and expecting another little boy. I have spent many hours searching for names that we love, but in my heart, I keep coming back to the name we already chose to give our angel baby and I don't know how to feel about it. If people can name newborns after living and deceased family members such as a father, grandfather, or distance relative, why not an older brother? I think it important to say that I understand this second child is in no way a replacement for the child we lost. Yes, there are many other names we could choose from. But at the end of the day, isn’t the reason why we choose to name a child something because of the emotional connection we attach the name? My reasoning is that the best way to honor our lost son is to have the blessing of being able to raise a child with this same name and to pour a lifetime of love and memories into it. Would you consider naming a rainbow baby after an angel baby? AIBU?

When your rainbow child is older and you're talking about your angel baby, would it not be easier and less confusing if they had individual names?

I have a family member who is a rainbow baby for a baby that died at a few months old.

He has two other older siblings who remember the baby that died.

He once said to me “my entire existence is a head fuck - I am only here because of the worst thing that happened to my family.”

So for that reason I would try and find another name that you like.

I have a friend who was called after his brother and he struggles with it. Really not a good idea, sorry.

Could be nice as a middle name but personally wouldn't for first name as pp have said it won't be nice to grow up with for your baby

Used to be very very common.

In my own family, years ago when child mortality was high the records show that some parents would use the same name over and over until they had a child that lived.

I'd use it if you love it

So sorry for your loss .

My toddler cousin died just before I was born and I have always been aware that I have her name as my middle name. As a child, I found that a little bit uncomfortable. As an adult, I appreciate the sentiment, but if it were my first name I think that would be too much.

As a middle name as has been said.

Your child will feel like a replacement if you use the same name as a lost sibling OP. No matter how much you will protest. Don't do it to him and give him his own identity.

Sorry for your loss and wish you an uneventful pregnancy.

I think using your Angel baby's name as a middle name would be a lovely tribute. Using their name as a first name could be quite difficult for you and I'd worry it wouldn't help you heal.

However, if you feel it's right and your Rainbow baby suits the name then they'll have a lovely connection to their sibling.

I hope everything goes smoothly. Sending best wishes

I lost my first baby at 41 weeks and gave her the name I’d been planning on for a daughter for years- my very favourite girls name. When my next child, another daughter, arrived a year later I realised I didn’t like any other name as much. However, I would have had the same problem if both girls had lived. My little stillborn girl had so little that was her own I feel she should be allowed to keep her name and identity for her. I felt quite possessive about it. I used all the baby stuff I’d brought or made for her on her sister and then on her subsequent brothers and sisters- but the name is just for her. However, this is your baby and if you feel it’s right and gives you peace then take what ever comfort it brings you and use it.

Sorry for your loss OP and congratulations on your pregnancy

I personally wouldn't do it, I'd maybe use his name as a middle name but of course it's your choice

I lost my first at 5 months and one of the things I found hardest was people telling us how we ought to feel/act eg clearing out the babies things from our house when we were at the hospital because someone had told them coming home to see the babies things at home was the most depressing thing, whereas for me coming home and finding them gone was distressing.

I think you have to find your own way through and do what feels like the right thing for your family, regardless of what anyone else thinks or would do in your position.

I think a middle name would be better. I just think, from your son’s point of view, how would he feel knowing he had the same name?

After we announced the name to a few family members, we were overwhelmed by the positive reaction to the name we picked out. We were told it was one of the “most beautiful boy names”, “something they never heard before” and “absolutely lovely

I also encountered this. I think because with a lost baby there are so few positive things to say, that people tend to latch onto the name as something to be effusive and lovely about. Not saying that your chosen name isn't a lovely name, just that, in my experience, it's a way to be positive in the mire of sadness for someone, if that makes sense?

Congratulations on your pregnancy, OP!

I personally wouldn't like to be named after someone in this way. I'd find it very morbid. Your baby will be a new person deserving of their own name. A name without such sad associations.

My middle name is the same as the baby my mum lost before me. It has never bothered me. I didn’t name my rainbow babies after the baby I lost, but I do have a piece of artwork in my house that honours them.

I wouldn’t for all the reasons already mentioned but also because you weren’t really in love with the name when it was on your original list.

Friends and family are far more likely to gush and be super kind over an angel baby’s name because they are, quite rightly, cradling you in love and care. They are far more likely to be critical of the name if the baby is living. Especially a very unusual name.

Give your wonderful rainbow his own name that you love. Best of luck with your pregnancy.

I actually know someone that was given the same name as their older, sadly stillborn, brother. He’s an absolute mess. Said he could never shake the feeling that he replaced his dead sibling.

Don’t do it.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Like others, though, i would suggest only using it as a middle name. I think the child might feel quite uncomfortable being named after a dead sibling someday....

So sorry for your loss. You can do what you like, but it is important to consider about how the child might feel about it. If you were ever to tell them that there was a baby that was lost who had their name before you gave it to them, I think that will feel very strange for your son. He may feel like a replacement even if you tell him that he isn't.

It sounds like you became attached to the name after all your family and friends endorsed it. To be honest, they will probably do the same with any new name you pick for your son (People often do really!) There are so many lovely names to choose from. I think you need to think about where this emotional attachment to this name comes from and is it healthy? It may be better all round to have a new name for this baby.

Thinking from the point of view of rainbow baby, when they are older you will no doubt want to explain about his older brother. You would not name two siblings the same were they both still alive so for them to continue own identities I would say is important to have a different first name. But as a middle name or maybe one of two middle names for example think would be a lovely tribute. I am sorry for your loss

Please don't.

This is not meant to be a criticism of you, OP, but I also have a real problem with any child being referred to as a rainbow baby. That alone prevents a child being born and growing up with the same sense of self as any other child should have. If they are always seen by others through a prism that ties them to the existence of a child who never saw the light of day, it is potentially damaging.

This one should simply be a baby. Your baby.

I hope your pregnancy goes as well and comfortably as possible.

There is a lot of this in my family tree - or more commonly either using the name or a variant of the name of a child who died as a middle name or the second part of a double first name, so a couple generations back a baby Pearlie sadly died at a months old, and years later a sister was named [name] Pearl and generally went by both.

I'd probably consider something like that though it's so less common to do these days that I'd probably stick to a middle name which is where honouring names tend to go in my family.

Historically this is exactly what used to happen. My dad had a brother named Joseph who died in 1920 aged two, and the next year's baby was named Joseph after his brother.

My husband has the same name as his Mother's angel baby - he only found out 5 years ago, and is not bothered at all about it (he's late 50's). I'd say go ahead, I think it's only potentially an issue if the child suddenly discovers this as a teenager. If it's part of the story of their name it will be absolutely fine.

100% do not use the same name.
You would be setting your baby up to potentially feel second for all of his life.

People are being so positive about your first child's name as they are kind and they love you and your baby.

Again 100% do not use the same name. I know you know they are two different children but you can't be sure your second child will know that.

Congratulations to you for your rainbow baby and I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my DS at 32 weeks. Personally I will not use his name when we conceive our rainbow but do what feels right for you.
To give you another take on it, my sister died three years ago. She was only 21 so my parents will hopefully be around for a long time so as a tribute to her if I do have a daughter during my life I will give her my sisters name as her middle name. I wouldn't give her the first as I don't want my family to look at her as another version of my sister or make her feel she has to 'live up' to anything. But the middle name is a nice tribute.
However the choice is yours and nobody else's and if it feels right for you then that's that.
Wishing you all the very best for your pregnancy xx