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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask, would it bother you if your husband told your friend that they looked stunning at your wedding?

190 replies

Peeeeeta · 16/02/2021 20:38

This happened pre covid, and I'm obviously never going to mention it to the bride, but I'm bored and curious for other peoples opinions.

I went to my friends wedding, and towards the end of the evening, the groom hugged me and said "thanks for coming, you look great, honestly you look really stunning in that dress".

Would this bother you if you were the bride?

...drip feed that me and the groom used to date years ago.

OP posts:
MNerGoneRogueAgain · 17/02/2021 00:52

@Sweet666

Someone with a girlfriend or wife shouldn't be telling other women they look stunning, obviously that's not appropriate if you have a girlfriend/wife
Eh?

That is absurd.

I love my friends. So I love to give them boosts.

-that’s brilliant
-you handled that well
-you look great
-nice haircut
-that colour suits you

And that’s day-to-day.

Difficult challenge/complicated situation/major stuff I would ramp up the comment.
Eg. Friend sends me a b.day card with a fab message they’ve written. Me: great card.
Friend sends me presentation they’ve created and nervous about delivering
Me: that’s fantastic. Especially the bit about....
Friend gets new perfume
Me: you smell nice
Friend gets entire makeover
Me: you look incredible

I have male and female friends. Same for both.

Do you live on planet ridiculous? I won’t visit

Hotzenplotz · 17/02/2021 01:08

How absurd.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/02/2021 01:14

Honest answer Yes it probably would.

OlympicProcrastinator · 17/02/2021 01:20

I wouldn’t be marrying any bloke that told his ex she looked stunning in her dress. I wouldn’t be happy at all. And neither would I tell any man except my DH he looked ‘gorgeous, really gorgeous’ in a suit. And he wouldn’t be happy if I did. I agree with you OP.

Sapho47 · 17/02/2021 01:22

Wait why were you at your exs wedding?

Did the bride know you were there?

If so she definitely doesn't see you as a threat

Divorcethediv · 17/02/2021 01:41

At first thought you were carrying a torch for him still, maybe even having a stealth boast. Who knows, you may well be!
However, if I really think about it, it would bother me if my DH said that to an ex. Anyone else? No. But an ex...no I wouldn’t be over joyed about it.
Don’t say anything to her though, you’d look like a bunny boiler psycho ex who isn’t over him.

In reality, he was probably drunk, merry and on cloud 9, and giving out compliments to his guest whilst thanking them for coming. He would have overheard the word ‘stunning’ and ‘dress’ all day, due to his bride. The words were probably in his head as he’d heard them all day (because the bride is always complimented by guests)

I don’t think it means anything, and I would forget about it if I were you

babyneversleptthrough · 17/02/2021 01:45

Erm no it sounds as though he was very happy and felt like sharing the love. It had no hidden meaning.

gnashingsalt · 17/02/2021 01:47

I have a feeling you chose your dress based on what your ex might like

wirldsgonemad · 17/02/2021 01:54

It's a compliment but if I were the bride it would bother me. He should save overly complimentary comments for her on their special day.

grapewine · 17/02/2021 01:55

@Sweet666

Someone with a girlfriend or wife shouldn't be telling other women they look stunning, obviously that's not appropriate if you have a girlfriend/wife
How odd. That seems controlling.
Sweet666 · 17/02/2021 01:57

@grapewine really? So you would have no issue with a boyfriend telling other women how attractive they look..?

grapewine · 17/02/2021 02:03

[quote Sweet666]@grapewine really? So you would have no issue with a boyfriend telling other women how attractive they look..?[/quote]
No, I actually wouldn't. Not if I knew her which is the case here. It would bother me if he was telling them and never complimented me. But in that case, he wouldn't be a boyfriend for long.

PerveenMistry · 17/02/2021 02:06

@OlympicProcrastinator

I wouldn’t be marrying any bloke that told his ex she looked stunning in her dress. I wouldn’t be happy at all. And neither would I tell any man except my DH he looked ‘gorgeous, really gorgeous’ in a suit. And he wouldn’t be happy if I did. I agree with you OP.

Wow. How incredibly insecure that sounds. And juvenile.

gnashingsalt · 17/02/2021 02:09

@OlympicProcrastinator

I wouldn’t be marrying any bloke that told his ex she looked stunning in her dress. I wouldn’t be happy at all. And neither would I tell any man except my DH he looked ‘gorgeous, really gorgeous’ in a suit. And he wouldn’t be happy if I did. I agree with you OP.
Have you always been this insecure?
Sweet666 · 17/02/2021 02:29

Where do you draw the line..? Expressing attraction to other women isn't exactly respectful. Do you draw the line at your boyfriends approaching women in the street and telling them they look hot or is that okay too? Commenting how fit they are on social media? Most women in the real world don't want their partner to be telling other women how attractive they find them, it's disloyal.

faerveren · 17/02/2021 06:03

@Sweet666

Where do you draw the line..? Expressing attraction to other women isn't exactly respectful. Do you draw the line at your boyfriends approaching women in the street and telling them they look hot or is that okay too? Commenting how fit they are on social media? Most women in the real world don't want their partner to be telling other women how attractive they find them, it's disloyal.
Both of those examples are so far from what actually happened, you're making an unnecessary leap there. Context is everything.
Emeraldrabbittail · 17/02/2021 07:04

The groom was probably a bit tipsy and told half the women there "thanks for coming, you look stunning in that dress." It seens a natural thing to say when someone as got themselves dressed up for attending your wedding. Honestly I have worked at loads of wedding receptions over the years. Brides and groom are staying stuff like this to everybody. I have heard brides tell men they look handsome in their suits. They are happy people made an effort. I really wouldn't read anything into it.

I would be more concerned if I was the OPs, DH and she is still thinking about this months later.

LolaSmiles · 17/02/2021 07:29

Where do you draw the line..? Expressing attraction to other women isn't exactly respectful.
Do you draw the line at your boyfriends approaching women in the street and telling them they look hot or is that okay too? Commenting how fit they are on social media? Most women in the real world don't want their partner to be telling other women how attractive they find them, it's disloyal

Because telling a friend and guest at your wedding that they look good when theyve dressed nicely for the event is totally the same as approaching random women in the street and commenting on how fit they are.
Hmm

This 'real world' you speak of has lots of women who aren't insecure. By all means say you wouldn't be happy because in your relationships your DH has to pretend to never notice when another woman looks nice, but let's stop with the idea that the default position of women in relationships is crippling insecurity.

leopardprintpants · 17/02/2021 08:03

Now I really want to see the dress..

LaMarschallin · 17/02/2021 08:12

Something like this, leopardprintpants:

images.app.goo.gl/DgqdzniWRBgnytzL8 ?

Your user name must have reminded me Smile

MiddlesexGirl · 17/02/2021 08:37

Nope. It's a very standard comment. No problem at all.

Borntohula · 17/02/2021 09:10

@famousforwrongreason

I'd probably be a bit miffed if my new husband told his ex she looked stunning in that dress at our wedding. Also, op, why has this come up now??
Yeah, if I'm being honest, I would too. Would also expect to be told iabu if I posted about it here.
slashlover · 17/02/2021 09:25

Where do you draw the line..? Expressing attraction to other women isn't exactly respectful.

He said she looked stunning which is different from expressing attraction. When my mates and I go out (pre covid) I tell them they look gorgeous, they look really nice with their hair like that, their dress looks hot etc. I am not attracted to my mates.

SummerBlondey · 17/02/2021 09:28

I would not be happy with this, no.

wizzywig · 17/02/2021 09:31

I'd be over the moon/ smug if an ex told me I looked stunning. Because I never get compliments like that.