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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask, would it bother you if your husband told your friend that they looked stunning at your wedding?

190 replies

Peeeeeta · 16/02/2021 20:38

This happened pre covid, and I'm obviously never going to mention it to the bride, but I'm bored and curious for other peoples opinions.

I went to my friends wedding, and towards the end of the evening, the groom hugged me and said "thanks for coming, you look great, honestly you look really stunning in that dress".

Would this bother you if you were the bride?

...drip feed that me and the groom used to date years ago.

OP posts:
MyLittleOrangutan · 16/02/2021 21:03

God how crazy. Pretty sure DH and I told almost every guest how good they looked, pretty standard thing to say when someone dresses up for your wedding

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 16/02/2021 21:04

I think he was trying to find something unique to say to each guest , otherwise it's a bit robotic just saying " thanks for coming " .
You are overthinking this

Dogscanteatonions · 16/02/2021 21:06

You really need to forget this one OP

Original poster
Peeeeeta · 16/02/2021 21:07

Interesting replies, I still think it sounded a bit sleazy, but seems I'm in the minority and am probably overthinking it.

People asking:

I don't have feelings for him. Nor does he for me. The ex thing is a bit of a red herring; I would find it odd for any of my friends partners to give that compliment, most just say "you look nice or lovely".

I got an invite because I'm friends with the bride.

I remember it because it made me feel uncomfortable, and I was sober.

OP posts:
faerveren · 16/02/2021 21:07

You are definitely overthinking this and it’s still in your head a year later?

No it wouldn’t bother me if my DH had said it. It was a compliment and even if he meant it he probably forgot within minutes.

Why would this make you feel sleazy though, you obviously looked great?

Tiredmum100 · 16/02/2021 21:08

I would have taken it to be he was trying to be nice and make you feel better. If you were still single? as he felt guilty he'd moved on with your friend (I assume) and got married, and kind of like a no hard feelings type compliment. I guess only you will know how it was delivered.

MichelleScarn · 16/02/2021 21:09

You didn't by any chance wear a white dress OP?....
Also is the bride a friend of yours too?

unim · 16/02/2021 21:15

I think he was trying to make you feel better because he's your ex and you're at his wedding to somebody else (regardless of the back story, it's always a slightly uncomfortable position to be in).

Branleuse · 16/02/2021 21:18

No it wouldnt bother me and I wouldnt give it a second thought. You probably looked stunning.

marvinscarpark · 16/02/2021 21:18

The bride reads Mumsnet you know.

HalfGirlHalfCake · 16/02/2021 21:21

You should definitely tell the bride. And make sure she knows you used to date. Also mention how he told you that you were the one and that he would always love you. Then go round her house and hang around outside for a bit

RootyT00t · 16/02/2021 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CounsellorTroi · 16/02/2021 21:22

@Peeeeeta

Hmm, it made me feel uncomfortable when he said it tbh, the "in that dress bit", felt a bit sleazy. Personally I'd be a bit Hmm if my husband said that to one of my friends in any situation, but maybe I'm just a jealous overthinking psycho Grin.
Was it a revealing dress or something?
RootyT00t · 16/02/2021 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KarmaNoMore · 16/02/2021 21:23

I wouldn’t take it too literally, people tend to spread the love and perhaps complementing too much when they are very happy. 🙂

ReggaetonLente · 16/02/2021 21:26

Loads of people told me i looked stunning at my best friend's wedding, it was 27 degrees, i was 38 weeks pregnant and looked like a pig in a dress. They were just saying a thing that you say at weddings.

Thefaceofboe · 16/02/2021 21:27

I wouldn’t mention to the bride but I feel like saying “you look stunning” is fine as it’s more of a generic compliment but to say “you look stunning in that dress” is more personal. If that makes sense

Viviennemary · 16/02/2021 21:27

Of course not. I'd be pleased.

SionnachRua · 16/02/2021 21:27

Meh, sounds like a fairly generic compliment. It's just one of those things you say, isn't it? You don't have to mean it from the heart. Like telling a new mum her baby is adorable, even if it looks like a goblin.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 16/02/2021 21:29

Like telling a new mum her baby is adorable, even if it looks like a goblin
Yup we have all done that. Baby looks like a lavvy brush, coo that’s it’s gorgeous

letlooseletloose · 16/02/2021 21:29

Yes...definitely a weird thing to say

RootyT00t · 16/02/2021 21:32

@SionnachRua

Meh, sounds like a fairly generic compliment. It's just one of those things you say, isn't it? You don't have to mean it from the heart. Like telling a new mum her baby is adorable, even if it looks like a goblin.
🤣🤣
RootyT00t · 16/02/2021 21:33

Not the responses OP wanted I don't think.

Crosstrainer · 16/02/2021 21:33

He was probably a) a bit overwhelmed, b) a bit drunk and c) trying to play the gracious host to a large number of people. He was no doubt trying to greet all his guests, trying to say something a bit more personal than just “thanks for coming” to all of them. He knows you well, I presume, so that’s what came into his head. It was a compliment, if a slightly cackhanded one. But I wouldn’t think much of it.

SionnachRua · 16/02/2021 21:35

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Like telling a new mum her baby is adorable, even if it looks like a goblin Yup we have all done that. Baby looks like a lavvy brush, coo that’s it’s gorgeous
My best friend is a midwife. Apparently they'd a new mum in tears on the ward a while back because "you said that her baby was beautiful...but you said that to me too and look at mine, it's the most gorgeous baby ever!! How can you compare them?!"

Poor woman, she'll look back on that one in years to come and cringe I'm sure.