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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have lost my temper at the mess. You I know AIBU but honestly!

168 replies

Cheeseismymiddlename · 16/02/2021 13:46

Older teens and DH all home for half term. I work full time . Normally I would take some time off this week but it was not to be, I didn’t mind as would prefer to save holiday for post lock down. I popped home at lunch time, not unexpectedly . No one has lifted a finger to put away last nights dried dishes ( which I washed up). More dirty dishes generated and left on the side. Piled in a way I couldn’t reach the kettle and cutlery in the drawer. Teen boy then comes in and asks me what’s for lunch. Teen daughter asking what’s for dinner tonight. Dry laundry still on airers in the hallway, cushions all over the living floor. Husbands DIY project spread all over the dining room because it’s too cold in the garage to work He just popped out for more bits. Someone opened a large delivery and left the empty box and packaging out.
So I blew my top. Called the teens animals for treating their home like this and I stormed out.

Normally I would have folder the laundry and put away this dishes before work but I woke up much later than normal because DH woke me up coming to bed drunk at 1.30 am. I’m literally shaking with rage in my car right now. A total over reaction I know but work is stressful due to covid regulations and I’m juggling other significant problems . I know I shouldn’t have shouted and called them that name but I’m just so disappointed in all of them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheeseismymiddlename · 16/02/2021 13:49

Loads of errors as I’m still shaking . What a way to over react. But literally no one does anything helpful. Unless of course DH puts a load of washing in “for me” Or cleans the bathroom “for me “ or hoovers once in a full bloody moon.

OP posts:
Muskox · 16/02/2021 13:50

YANBU and I'm not sure why you think you aren't. You're the only one working this week, and they're expecting you to do the cooking, washing up and laundry as well? They are entitled lazy fuckers and I'm not surprised you lost it!

Bobbybobbins · 16/02/2021 13:51

YANBU and I don't think that was an over-reaction at all!

nimbuscloud · 16/02/2021 13:52

Why do you think you are in the wrong ??? You aren’t .

Doodlepip23 · 16/02/2021 13:54

YANBU, I’d be in a real piss about that, too. I hope they’ve cleaned up by the time you get home later.

lazyarse123 · 16/02/2021 13:54

Yadnbu. Won't do any of them any harm for you to lose it with them.
Hopefully by the time you get home tonight it will all be done.

LittleOwl153 · 16/02/2021 13:55

Nah. Send them all a message saying you expect the mess to be cleared by the time you get home and that they will be sorted dinner as you have been at work all day. I'd then give them a list of jobs to be completed through the week - food shop, laundry, cleaning etc.

Of their dad refuses to help then I can understand why the teens don't- but it doesn't mean you have to put up with it an do it all for them!

Original poster
Cheeseismymiddlename · 16/02/2021 13:56

I called my children animals. I want to cry. They were genuinely happy to see me and I ended up yelling at them. That why I feel so bad.

OP posts:
StepawayfromtheBiscuittin · 16/02/2021 13:58

YANBU. They are.
Teens should be able to clear after themselves as should DH.
I hope they are doing some of the meals this week especially as they are off. But really they should be cooking and taking their share of the domestic work on a regular basis.

Deep breath. Be firm and clear in your expectations that everyone pulls their weight. And again, YANBU.

Eskarina1 · 16/02/2021 13:58

YANBU. I think this might be a maybe you could have handled it better but now it's out there roll with it. Make it clear things have to change, starting with you refusing to clean up after them.

TopTabby · 16/02/2021 13:58

Ha ha, I'd have said far worse, YADNBU. If I'm the only one working I leave a detailed list of what I expect doing before I get back.
It might be they were going to do one major clean up later & you caught them out by coming home earlyHmm
Whatever, your ds asking what was for lunch would've been enough to make anyone lose it!!
I'm betting you go home to a very tidy home...

WithLoveFromMyselfToYourself · 16/02/2021 13:58

Not only are you NBU.
When you get in tonight, sling your coat over the back of the sofa, make yourself a drink and turn the TV on/ over to watch something and ask what’s for dinner.
They don’t even see it. That’s a big part of the problem.
Where the fuck was your DH getting drunk on a Monday night in lockdown?

Premium5 · 16/02/2021 13:59

Everyone gets cross when they are the end of their tether. Text everyone, apologise for shouting. Then text them each a list of exactly what needs doing by the time you get in. Repeat everyday. Yes, they should fo it without asking but in a shared house hold each person needs to take ownership of tasks. A rota needs to be written out and then each has his/her own jobs.
Hope it's better when you get in.

FossilisedFanny · 16/02/2021 14:00

Yabu because you didn’t twat them round the head with the cushions as well as shouting at them.
I get your anger Op . This calls for a family summit meeting later where you spell out in no uncertain terms that you expect them to pull their weight and if they don’t, you will stop doing anything at all for them.

Jackie2022 · 16/02/2021 14:01

Depends. You came home early/unexpectedly today. Would the mess usually be tidied up a bit more by the time you get home after finishing work, or would it have looked like this anyway? I’m just wondering whether they planned on tidying up before you got home

Hannahusky · 16/02/2021 14:01

You are not unreasonable. Take a few deep breaths and for goodness sake forgive yourself for losing the rag. They should absolutely have the housework done and they sound old enough to be able to make themselves lunch. And as for dinner, if you're the only one out working then dinner should not be your responsibility either. Maybe when you get home consider having a talk about what your expectations are.

MonochromeMinnie · 16/02/2021 14:02

Calling them animals seems pretty tame in the circumstances. They need to step up, all of them, while you're the only one out at work.

FossilisedFanny · 16/02/2021 14:02

You called them animals- seriously don’t worry, they won’t melt.

poorbuthappy · 16/02/2021 14:02

We've had a few of these moments in this house.
I'm known to waft around the house shouting I'm not your bloody servant and every time you leave "something" out you are saying that you expect me to tidy up after you. Slowly we are getting there.

Me and DH always say the "for you" thing.
But it's a joke...stop doing things for him? Just do things for yourself.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 16/02/2021 14:03

If it would have been cleaned up by the time you normally get home I would say yabu.

I let my house get in quite a state if I'm left alone in it for a while (just naturally untidy) then I have a quick 30 minute blitz to get it looking acceptable if anyone else is going to be here.

They might have put the clean clothes away and run the dishwasher this afternoon? Mightn't they?

gamerchick · 16/02/2021 14:04

Sounds like it's been coming a while. There's nothing wrong with giving teens a little rattle out of their self centered little world's every now and then OP. Of course they were happy to see you, you sort out their wants and needs.

Message husband. Tell him there's going to be a family meeting later about chores. You can apologise then if you want.

However, if this is the way it's always been and you've enabled it then you can't be too surprised. Change is simple enough and it starts with husband. He's been allowed to get away with too much.

Original poster
Cheeseismymiddlename · 16/02/2021 14:04

They were expecting me to pop home.

OP posts:
Outbutnotoutout · 16/02/2021 14:04

Yanbu

Let your dh take up the slack and sort out food and tidying up

Do.not.do.anything!!

Other than go to work.

Nobs

Sparklfairy · 16/02/2021 14:05

@Cheeseismymiddlename

I called my children animals. I want to cry. They were genuinely happy to see me and I ended up yelling at them. That why I feel so bad.
Seriously, stop berating yourself.

Look what happens when you're not around to skivvy after them. The place goes to shit. None of those 'jobs' would take very long but they've just left them for someone else you to do, instead of taking 5 mins to put some packaging in the recycling.

It's not on. It's disrespectful and frustrating. And your reaction now (here) is to push your own feelings down about being taken for granted, and turn it back on yourself that you're the one in the wrong, simply for feeling taken advantage of.

You have as much right to be respected in your house as anyone else who lives there. Please stop feeling bad, tell them you want the place straight when you get in, and make a plan going forward about a fair share of the workload, whether it's a rota or something else.

You're doing great Flowers

MessagesKeepGettingClearer · 16/02/2021 14:05

Oh god, OP if "animals" is the worst you've called them you're doing well!

Don't let everyone around you walk over you. Not just that, but in a decade your kids are likely to be meeting their life partners. Your job is to encourage them to be responsible adults who can look after themselves and other if needed. Wrapping them up in cotton wool and doing everything for them will only make their lives harder in the future.

For your sake, theirs and their future partners... Put your foot down and make sure they start looking after themselves and the house better.

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