To have lost my temper at the mess. You I know AIBU but honestly!

[Cheeseismymiddlename]

Older teens and DH all home for half term. I work full time . Normally I would take some time off this week but it was not to be, I didn’t mind as would prefer to save holiday for post lock down. I popped home at lunch time, not unexpectedly . No one has lifted a finger to put away last nights dried dishes ( which I washed up). More dirty dishes generated and left on the side. Piled in a way I couldn’t reach the kettle and cutlery in the drawer. Teen boy then comes in and asks me what’s for lunch. Teen daughter asking what’s for dinner tonight. Dry laundry still on airers in the hallway, cushions all over the living floor. Husbands DIY project spread all over the dining room because it’s too cold in the garage to work He just popped out for more bits. Someone opened a large delivery and left the empty box and packaging out.
So I blew my top. Called the teens animals for treating their home like this and I stormed out.

Normally I would have folder the laundry and put away this dishes before work but I woke up much later than normal because DH woke me up coming to bed drunk at 1.30 am. I’m literally shaking with rage in my car right now. A total over reaction I know but work is stressful due to covid regulations and I’m juggling other significant problems . I know I shouldn’t have shouted and called them that name but I’m just so disappointed in all of them.

Sounds like a normal day here.

@LunarSea same

Appalling for younto come back to such a chaotic scene and be asked what's for lunch.

Give your head a wobble.

Do not apologise.

Text your husband and TELL him you expect to return to order.

Sounds like you do too much and they think you are the house skivvy.

You are doing them no favours.

Of course you called them animals, they clearly have no respect for you or your home. I wouldn't be doing a thing all week if I were you.

You need a dishwasher, why are you still washing up?.

@Cheeseismymiddlename

I called my children animals. I want to cry. They were genuinely happy to see me and I ended up yelling at them. That why I feel so bad.

We’re they happy to see you? Or happy you came home to do stuff for them.

Time to treat them all like children and give them a chore list.

I'm on the fence tbh.

You definitely shouldn't feel bad, BUT sometimes people might be leaving the chores until a later time in the day and I also think that's ok not to have a spotless house 100% of the time, AS LONG as they pull their weight at some point. With two DC at home at the moment I quite often wait until 4pm before we do much tidying and cleaning.

Considering it was only lunchtime I think you overreacted. They could have done it in the afternoon. I don't usually start on chores until after lunch personally.

I think whether or not you are unreasonable depends on the expectations that are usually placed on your teenagers? If they know that they are expected to help out and to see jobs that need doing, that's one thing. If you generally do everything for everyone, they may need some structuring to learn what is expected of them.

@Fluffycloudland77

You need a dishwasher, why are you still washing up?.

Not everyone has the room for a dishwasher anyway.

YANBU! Sounds like you need to set some very clear expectations for all of them!

So you are the only one working but are still expected to cook for them & clean up after them?

Why wasn't there food waiting for you?

To an extent they can put pots away/wash up/tidy when they want to, but obviously so much piled that you can't reach the kettle/cutlery isn't on, nor is leaving boxes about for others to clear away.

How often do they cook dinner, clean the kitchen and put away laundry?

Are the jobs on the home normally shared around to everyone?

Do they normally need asking to complete tasks in the home or do they normally get on and do the jobs without asking?

Why is there a big gulf between your expectation of what they do and what they actually do?

YABU for the simple reason I would have told them that I would be on leave from all household duties as they at at home all week and that they needed to sort it out between themselves. I would have sent a message to all of them saying this is what needs doing
Washing
Ironing
Bathroom
Kitchen
Dinner
Food shop
Etc
Etc

And checked out of all and any homely duties.

@Cheeseismymiddlename

I called my children animals. I want to cry. They were genuinely happy to see me and I ended up yelling at them. That why I feel so bad.

I bet they were - the slave had come home to make lunch for them.

Please tell them all that you are doing no more housework, shopping or cooking this week, and they can work out a rota between them that ensures the house is clean and tidy at least once a day.

@Fluffycloudland77

You need a dishwasher, why are you still washing up?.

Totally missing the point

Yabu for calling them animals. Most animals (non-human ones anyway ) keep their living quarters quite clean.
I agree with everyone else OP. Have a hiatus with them all,your DP especially shouldn't condone this, and put your feet up for a week.

@OurChristmasMiracle

YABU for the simple reason I would have told them that I would be on leave from all household duties as they at at home all week and that they needed to sort it out between themselves. I would have sent a message to all of them saying this is what needs doing Washing Ironing Bathroom Kitchen Dinner Food shop Etc Etc

And checked out of all and any homely duties.

The thing is though, that it still puts the onus on the OP to be 'in charge' of domestic drudgery, asking for other people to do things and everyone else is 'helping out' - at least that's how they will see it anyway.

I have a feeling that what tipped the OP over the edge was the sheer unadulterated thoughlessness of the rest of the family, and that it never even occurred to them to think of doing some chores.

Sounds pretty standard to me - both the mess and the shouting. I should put it out of your head. I bet they have.

Oh cheese, bloody hell. YANBU at all. Do it again when u get home, its so dispiriting. I feel for you. Good luck.

OP, are you me? Sounds like my life. Well, DH is excellent about doing his share, but my teens are hideous frikkin' animals too.

Except they are both currently suffering from lockdown mental health crises so I can't relieve my stress at their utter uselessness and freak out at them because they melt like tiny snowflakes and curl up in balls and cry in their rooms for two weeks if I ever dare suggest they're not perfect.

They were so awful back before Christmas that I punched my bedroom door in utter frustration. I think I broke my little finger. It still hurts. Can't yell at my useless children though.

I shall vicariously appreciate you yelling at yours instead.

YANBU. And 'animals' isn't that awful.

I agree with PP that you could get a dishwasher maybe.

I only live with my bestie (during COVID) and I've really reduced the amount of plates, forks etc etc in circulation. So, you could have, like, one of each main item for each person, and anything else, store somewhere. That way in theory it can't get quite as bad.