To have lost my temper at the mess. You I know AIBU but honestly!

[Cheeseismymiddlename]

Older teens and DH all home for half term. I work full time . Normally I would take some time off this week but it was not to be, I didn’t mind as would prefer to save holiday for post lock down. I popped home at lunch time, not unexpectedly . No one has lifted a finger to put away last nights dried dishes ( which I washed up). More dirty dishes generated and left on the side. Piled in a way I couldn’t reach the kettle and cutlery in the drawer. Teen boy then comes in and asks me what’s for lunch. Teen daughter asking what’s for dinner tonight. Dry laundry still on airers in the hallway, cushions all over the living floor. Husbands DIY project spread all over the dining room because it’s too cold in the garage to work He just popped out for more bits. Someone opened a large delivery and left the empty box and packaging out.
So I blew my top. Called the teens animals for treating their home like this and I stormed out.

Normally I would have folder the laundry and put away this dishes before work but I woke up much later than normal because DH woke me up coming to bed drunk at 1.30 am. I’m literally shaking with rage in my car right now. A total over reaction I know but work is stressful due to covid regulations and I’m juggling other significant problems . I know I shouldn’t have shouted and called them that name but I’m just so disappointed in all of them.

How old are they? Why aren't they or DH making lunch, dinner etc

You Are Not Being Unreasonable. It's like they are all 'living off of you'. Fuck that.

At times like this I remember my neighbour, who had left a clean and tidy house with a full fridge and empty washing basket to go for a fortnight away with her sister. She came back to a tip, no food, overflowing washing - and turned and walked out. Said she'd come back when the house was in the state she'd left it in but for now was happy in a lovely hotel with room service. Channel that woman!

Getting a dishwasher is not an answer. It still needs to be unloaded, with things put away properly, and then loaded with plates that have been scraped and slightly rinsed so you don't clog the filter. That's still a job.. One which I am painfully teaching my tweens. DS moaned yesterday that why should he have to do x chore as he had already done y. I said oh OK don't then. Then we asked for his lunch I said I didn't have to make it as I'd made breakfast and apparently one chore per day is the rule. They are getting it. Slowly.

@sunflowersandbuttercups

I’m not really. You generate washing up at least 3 times a day and need everything you’ve used the next day. Washing up Uses a lot of water and time compared to just whacking everything in the dishwasher. It’s drudgery.

Why do it to yourself?. We were without one for 3 years till I went on strike, I had to move an end panel of a row of units forwards to accommodate the pipes but it meant no more drudgery.

Homes are much nicer when there’s no clutter about or clothes draped everywhere. It’s just messy and makes you look untidy.

Every household appliance I have today is technically an extravagance, the cooker, kettle, toaster, tumble dryer washing machine, robo hoover 😃 etc all have an alternative but we’re lucky enough to live in the west and should make use of the facilities. My mum had one in 1975 because life’s too short to waste doing something a machine could do, it isn’t even fun. You wouldn’t wash all your laundry by hand so why wash dishes by hand.

If nothing else it’s a cupboard for dirty crockery.

YABU because you have been the head housekeeper/ chef/maid and allowed them to sit on their arse's. Now it is time for all 3 of them to pull their weight, make a rota and stick to it.

Oh it takes under 5 minutes to unload a dishwasher, it’s not an onerous job.

[quote Fluffycloudland77]@sunflowersandbuttercups

I’m not really. You generate washing up at least 3 times a day and need everything you’ve used the next day. Washing up Uses a lot of water and time compared to just whacking everything in the dishwasher. It’s drudgery.

Why do it to yourself?. We were without one for 3 years till I went on strike, I had to move an end panel of a row of units forwards to accommodate the pipes but it meant no more drudgery.

Homes are much nicer when there’s no clutter about or clothes draped everywhere. It’s just messy and makes you look untidy.

Every household appliance I have today is technically an extravagance, the cooker, kettle, toaster, tumble dryer washing machine, robo hoover 😃 etc all have an alternative but we’re lucky enough to live in the west and should make use of the facilities. My mum had one in 1975 because life’s too short to waste doing something a machine could do, it isn’t even fun. You wouldn’t wash all your laundry by hand so why wash dishes by hand.

If nothing else it’s a cupboard for dirty crockery.[/quote]
You are missing the point, though.

Yes, a dishwasher might make that ONE task a little easier, but that's not the point of this thread.

The point is that OP does everything, and even though she's currently the only one working, she's still doing everything and they're sat on their arses doing fuck all.

Getting a dishwasher won't change any of that.

Don't worry about calling them animals. Sounds like they deserved it. Are they usually helpful or have they recently turned into slobs??

I think this lockdown is getting to us all, but I can totally see why you're so upset.

Don't you have a rota for your teens and h and you to do housework? If not, time to implement one. Don't let them treat you like a skivvy.

How was it when you arrived home?

You're drowning yourself in shame on top of frustration and exhaustion. I think you can let go of the shame. You can apologise for yelling and explain to them (if they haven't already clocked) that it is totally unacceptable for them not to clean up after themselves. And that they're on all duties for the next week as you're very busy and need to catch up on rest when you're home. That would be a very reasonable plan forward.

This is my life on a daily basis as a single parent op. I feel your pain. I hope they sorted it for your return

It would change dirty dishes being left out though 🤨 even dh puts things away when I’m out because we like a tidy house.

If something’s affecting you try and change it. I struggled on for 6 years with insufficient freezer space until someone on here said “just buy another bloody freezer” so I bought a tiny countertop one & now it’s a not a problem anymore. I’m not saying I couldn’t have spent the £90 elsewhere but it makes my life easier.

I had someone complaining about an estimated bill last year causing them sleepless nights and worry but they won’t get a smart meter so they’ll have the exact same problem this year. And next year. And the year after until something changes.

Life is too short for all of this hassle.

Tell me about it. The entitlement of kids. The endless tide of mess. The 'helping you out' mentality. The emptying of the fridge like locusts. The getting up at midday but up til small hours keeping me awake. Me who has a full time job to perform and keep so they can live their lives. I have called mine much worse than animals. I don't beat myself up about it. Just move on. Yesterday I left a list of jobs on the side where they couldn't miss it. Half term clean up list. Column for jobs filled in by moi. Column per person, including me . Each to choose jobs. Max an hour in total. First one up said ' oh, I was going to go exercising with (Mildred), I'll just tell Mildred that I won't be free until the weekend'. I snarled at it, it went pale, I demanded all devices , it started visibly twitching. Today, it has performed it's chosen tasks without being asked and before I have done mine.

why are you the default parent to come to for food-why is dh pottering about doing nothing

theres a poster on here that went on strike it seemed to be going well maybe you should try it

its righteous rage op. Embrace it

It would change dirty dishes being left out though 🤨

I've read plenty of threads on here where people have just dumped dirty dishes on the counter instead of in the dishwasher

I know what you're getting at, that it would make the task easier, but it won't address the main problem, which is that OP's husband and kids have absolutely no respect for her.

I think you reacted in a normal and extremely understandable way. There are four people living in your house, presumably all four are able bodied and only one person going out to work at the moment yet that one person is expected to run round after the other three people and do all the work. I, too, really dislike the “for you.” If anyone said that to me my reaction was: “Am I the only one who uses the bathroom/plates and dishes etc?” Remember four people in the house, none of them small children, babies or frail, elderly adults. All need to do their fair share.

I agree, you've over reacted. The CLEAN dishes are out and the CLEAN clothes are still on the dryer.
They're hardly animals! Dear god.

Give them a break.

Also, try asking them to do jobs rather than expecting them to know.

@ThatsAllFolks

The trick is to take the piss out of them when they do it “I like the way you’ve left that cup by the dishwasher, it’s as if your aware of the dishwashers existence but determined to have nothing to do with it” 🤨.

@FrameyMcFrame

I agree, you've over reacted. The CLEAN dishes are out and the CLEAN clothes are still on the dryer. They're hardly animals! Dear god.

Give them a break.

Also, try asking them to do jobs rather than expecting them to know.

Yes! Treat your adult husband and your nearly adult children like they are 5 year olds who need lists to know what to do.

That will really help

You can get a clothes folding robot now too, think it’s about £600 but if you’ve got loads of kids it would make it so much easier.

@Clymene
The scene just doesn't sound that bad?? Like it's not dirty and disgusting???

And this is pretty normal teen behaviour, sorry!

5 year olds are often more likely to help out around the house than your average teen...

Though usually they turn out pretty well in the end!

You've brought them up like that and allowed your husband to treat you like a skivvy. They're just copying the example you've both shown them.