To have lost my temper at the mess. You I know AIBU but honestly!

[Cheeseismymiddlename]

Older teens and DH all home for half term. I work full time . Normally I would take some time off this week but it was not to be, I didn’t mind as would prefer to save holiday for post lock down. I popped home at lunch time, not unexpectedly . No one has lifted a finger to put away last nights dried dishes ( which I washed up). More dirty dishes generated and left on the side. Piled in a way I couldn’t reach the kettle and cutlery in the drawer. Teen boy then comes in and asks me what’s for lunch. Teen daughter asking what’s for dinner tonight. Dry laundry still on airers in the hallway, cushions all over the living floor. Husbands DIY project spread all over the dining room because it’s too cold in the garage to work He just popped out for more bits. Someone opened a large delivery and left the empty box and packaging out.
So I blew my top. Called the teens animals for treating their home like this and I stormed out.

Normally I would have folder the laundry and put away this dishes before work but I woke up much later than normal because DH woke me up coming to bed drunk at 1.30 am. I’m literally shaking with rage in my car right now. A total over reaction I know but work is stressful due to covid regulations and I’m juggling other significant problems . I know I shouldn’t have shouted and called them that name but I’m just so disappointed in all of them.

Lazy bastards, the lot of them.

Go on strike.

@FossilisedFanny

You called them animals- seriously don’t worry, they won’t melt.

This ^ sounds like you was justified. They are teens, they’ll be at Uni or house share or live with someone at some point, you’re teaching them to consider others and you have limits which have been breached, the husband also needs to pull his finger out.

You haven’t shouted at little toddlers, they’re teenagers who should be helping without being asked.
I’m sure they’ll survive, time for a sit down and lay out some ground rules, you shouldn’t be coming home from work to skivvy after 3 people.

YANBU at all, when I was a teen (feels like forever ago) if parents were at work and jobs needed to be done in the house, they were done before they got home from work. I have two teenagers myself now, I do have to nag them a little, or leave a note, but it gets done. I would be fuming to walk into that.
I also hate the "for you" comments, like it only benefits you if you have clean dishes to eat from or clean towels to have a wash with!!

Just done the exact same thing. Am eating chocolate and cake to steady my nerves

It's a bit shit for everyone at the moment. Motivation is a struggle. Forgive them. They will sure as hell forgive you. Bet they are cleaning up right now. Just be kind to each other. Bit cringe but what else can you do.

Well, hopefully they won’t behave like lazy animals next time then?

It’s not a crime for your kids to see you upset. It’s not a crime for you to be angry with their behaviour, even if they’re pleased to see you. Older teens and husbands should bloody well know better.

I would be absolutely fuming and they’d know it.

I’m concerned that you feel so bad for expressing yourself, you are allowed to get angry. It sounds, because you are upset about blowing your top, that you are normally expected to just get on with everything while everyone else walks all over you.

My words in your situation would have been (and have been before) "you are taking the absolute piss, now get off your lazy arses and sort this mess out now!" And I wouldn't be feeling guilty about it either because it's the truth.

I think your real issue is your lazy husband

You’re not being unreasonable! I have older teens and have stopped answering their questions on what food is going to be provided and what time that will be.
I would text them all now and tell them to make sure the house is clean and tidy before you come back in tonight.

You will go home to a nice tidy clean house this evening I think. Maybe not such a bad thing to have mildly ‘lost it’ today. Give yourself a break op.

aw OP, don't beat yourself up.

But don't ask for a family sit-down to discuss chores. They need to do that themselves.

Calm down, go back to work and see if anyone texts you. Go home at the end of the day and if the place isn't reasonably tidy and something on the stove for dinner (or an announcement that it's take-away night) just turn round and walk out. Drive somewhere you can get food and then park up somewhere and eat it. Go back when you're good and ready.

I did this once. (without the lunchtime explosion) but i had been saying for 3 days that i wanted those at home to get the place tidy, sort the laundry etc, while i was working a few particularly long days.
Got home at 8:30pm and the place was mayem. So went back out again. I really wish I'd gone to a hotel that time - it really would have shocked them.

Sometimes you can say things over and over (and then you're nagging) but it still doesn't get done. Loud is the only way to go then.

This does not apply to your husband at all but for the teens...when I was a teen and my Mum was working she'd leave a list eg hang out washing/buy milk/put dishes away and I would always do it - if she hadn't I probably wouldn't have thought to check/notice if anything needed doing!

But literally no one does anything helpful. Unless of course DH puts a load of washing in “for me” Or cleans the bathroom “for me “ or hoovers once in a full bloody moon

Straw that broke the camels back. Do your kids have any daily/weekly chores? Sounds like your husband is a lazy lump, and the kids are following his example that if they leave something dirty lying around, eventually you will clean it up. Needs nipping in the bud ASAP; calm but serious family talk that everyone needs to pull their weight a bit more instead of treating you like the default skivvy. Your husband shouldn't be saying he's done things "for you", does he not live in the house too? Maybe try a chore chart up in the kitchen with names assigned to jobs, even the lazy lump?

They are treating you horribly and need to be disciplined. I have a feeling that your reaction is because you've let them get away with mistreating you in this way for a long time. Stop now.
Everyone of age who lives in a household is responsible for keeping the place neat and tidy. Assign chores, tell them you aren't their maid, and make it stick.

@StepawayfromtheBiscuittin

YANBU. They are. Teens should be able to clear after themselves as should DH. I hope they are doing some of the meals this week especially as they are off. But really they should be cooking and taking their share of the domestic work on a regular basis.

Deep breath. Be firm and clear in your expectations that everyone pulls their weight. And again, YANBU.

I am sure they were genuinely happy to see their chef arrive home to prep lunch for them

Sorry - meant to quote the OP where she said her kids were genuinely happy to see her!

Whatever you do don't 'go on strike' or 'write lists'.

The fact is that they are used to running around, you've admitted yourself that you normally do the clothes etc before you go to work. The fact is also that most people will quite happily sit back and let things be done for them.

We are by no means perfect however I am working towards getting mine to understand that being a family means everyone mucking in. You're correct, they are not doing things for you they are doing them to have a nice family environment. As the children got older I have tried to gradually expect more and more of them, sometimes I do this by shaming them! I ask them who is going to wash the dishes they just dumped in the sink, I expect them to keep their bedrooms tidy and change their beds- not just do it but think about when it needs to be done. Part of this is getting them to THINK about what needs to be done without being asked.

In your shoes I think I would just say how disappointed you are that they seem to think of you as a housekeeper and you feel that now is the time for everyone to step up and be a family unit. Ask them the jobs that need to be done and how they are going to contribute, don't take the mental load.

You are the one working this week. They are lazy fuckers.

When you finish work get a takeaway and eat it in the car.

When you get home pop yourself on the sofa, grab the remote control and loudly ask what’s for dinner and demand to know why the house is a fucking state!

YANBU to be fed of being treated like a skivvy & doing everything. You say they teens are home for half term so assuming they a possibly college / uni? So more than old enough to be helping around the home.

Even if the are secondary school they should be able to put the clean dishes away & pile the dirty dishes so they aren't obstructing people in the kitchen.

It sounds like your DH is a problem here though as he cleans "for you" like he doesn't live in the house / eat etc. So the children probably copy him to some extent.

Yanbu at all. Even reading your OP made me angry. My DH and (younger) kids do this too unless I blow my top every so often. It's sad though, because we shouldn't have to

Does your DH have a drinking problem? Drunk on a Monday after drinking at home?

YABU for doing everything! What’s for lunch? Whatever you make? What’s for dinner? Nothing unless this house is tidied up and I’m not making it this week as I’m working and none of you are. If you want to wear clean clothes then you do them yourself. If you don’t know how to do laundry just ask and I’ll explain it all to you. Packaging from deliveries gets put in their room if they don’t put it in the recycling. It’s a fine balance between them learning they have to take responsibility for their own mess by you not doing everything for them and you having to live in a pigsty!