To convert my DS's former bedroom into a dining room now they are at Uni?

[tulip68]

NC for this as outing.
My son is at uni as of September. He is only an hour away but lives in student accommodation. His former bedroom is downstairs to the back of the house, the house is quite small and we could really use that space as a family room or dining room. I think DS expects me to keep his room for him so he can visit us and his friends, ect once the rules are relaxed again. AIBU to convert the room into a dining room and say he can sleep on the sofa when he visits in future? My other DC is keen to have an extra room to eat/relax in.

It sounds a bit harsh to me. He might need to move back in for a bit after uni. You're basically telling him this is no longer his home, before he's got another home.

I have no idea whether DS1 will come back after his last year but he knows he can and for as long as he likes. The future in general is quite uncertain currently, for everyone.

YABU
He’s only gone to Uni not left home yet. You would make him feel like a guest in his own home.

My parents did this to me when I went off to uni and seemed like a massive message not to expect to expect to live at home again. At that time it was easy to get a job and you could manage to pay rent on an entry level salary so after I went off to uni I never lived at home again. It really damaged our relationship. Maybe your son has a better relationship and wont mind but I thin kit would be hard not to be hurt.

Do you not like him

Going to uni is not the same as moving out. Where do you expect him to live over the summer break?

I can't believe you took his key off him. That's appalling. How could you possibly think that's an acceptable thing to do?

You really need to have a serious think about the kind of person that you want to be. Your son is little more than a child and you're taking away all his safety nets (a home, a bed, a key to a safe place) the minute he went to uni. You say you love him but there's no love here.

Wait has anyone checked the Mail yet?

Appalling idea

And shortsighted

What do you do if there’s another lockdown??

Trouble is they seem to be back so often you’ll be rearranging the furniture incessantly. Personally I would leave it until they leave home for good!

I did ask for my keys back in September
I'm appalled. Poor kid

Lots of people here disparaging boomerang kids have failed to note that he is NOT one! He is a full time student, and a teenager. It is not spoiled brat behaviour or whatever for him to want to come home and stay with his family on uni breaks, perhaps have a place to stay while he takes on a summer job and spends time with his family.

It's all very well and good for those of you banging on about having left home at 12 or whatever, but that is not easy right now, and surely it isn't nice for the OP's child to feel like he isn't welcome home. And in the middle of a pandemic where moving house, finding a new job, and spending time with people outside the home is harder than ever.

You took his key off him?! God my heart breaks for him. He no longer has a home

@sashagabadon

Trouble is they seem to be back so often you’ll be rearranging the furniture incessantly. Personally I would leave it until they leave home for good!

Except he won't. He'll come back once, handing on the doorstep until someone let's in him, needing someone to let him in every time he leaves the building, on the sofa so last to bed and first up whilst the sibling who wants to convert the room mutters, his stuff in bags in everyone's way and he'll stop doing coming back. Win.

No, definitely not.
I waited until they'd left home and moved in with partners.
It's still their home they are just at uni.
Plus with more than one child would you do the same, change their room and kick them out at the same age?

I think there's probably a happy medium. Can you replace his bed with something like an IKEA day bed. Get a stowable table and a couple of chairs (using the bed as a sort of bench seat on one side). Then when he does come home he has his own room but it's functional the rest of the time.

My parents and I haven't always got on (stubborn teen years etc) but they still refer to any house they've lived in since I moved away in late teenage as "home" for me - as in "you know you can always come home if you need to". I'm going to make sure I tell them again how much I appreciate this, even though I'm unlikely to need it.

Did you not think about space when you moved into the house? I think its quite mean to expect your son to sleep on the sofa when he comes to visit. Your other child shouldn't get involved unless he/she is willing to take the hit when the brother is around and sleep on the sofa him/herself!

Quite mean I think. Uni is not moving out as such. I would wait a bit longer personally.

Take his key off him at the first opportunity with no good reason and then turn his room into a dining room, telling him if he comes back to stay he’s permitted an occasional night on the sofa.

Doesn’t get more damaging than that. It’s just horrible.

@AlwaysLatte

I did ask for my keys back in September I'm appalled. Poor kid

WTAF! So much for the kid having a home...poor soul!

Absolutely not ! He must feel very unwelcome in his own home .

Our son had signed up to a twelve month rental agreement last summer. He has spent a total of eight weeks there. His home is with us. We would never have thought of getting rid of his bedroom.
I fully appreciate that you've been eating your dinners on your laps but let him have a home to come back to.
When he finally moves out then alter his bedroom after discussing it with him.
He will have long Christmas/Easter/Summer breaks. Should he just have to bunk up ? It seems so sad to remove his bedroom.

It won't be for too much longer, hopefully.

No way would I do to
My elder 2 are away at Uni, their rooms are there for them in the holidays or whenever they want to / can come home