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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report her Covid breach?

342 replies

ArabellaRockerfella · 15/02/2021 00:19

I admit I'm a bit bitter and prone to thoughts of revenge so I could do with some rational thoughts here.
My recently ex husband has a new girlfriend. She records her and her child's life on Facebook. It's all on public, no filters!
In January her parents drove 300miles to visit her for 'much needed cuddles'
She has just driven 300 miles with her child to visit them for a half term break. It's all mud masks and lovely walks and mummy time!
It's really grinding my gears! When some of us are playing by the rules and not driving 10 miles to see our loved ones.
I really want to report her as I know her address, car reg etc.
All public on Facebook!
To report a Covid breach though you have to give your own details and my ex has a temper! I don't want my name to be implicated.
Should I just leave it alone and get a life?
What would you do?

OP posts:
donewithitalltodayandxmas · 15/02/2021 02:27

Anyway OP likely someone in Cornwall could report of they see or she may get stopped on way their or way back as people are getting checked and in some tourist places they are sick of seeing people visiting and breaking rules , so just leave them to it , don't give her a second thought.

Wishingwell75 · 15/02/2021 02:30

Op I think pp have already said what I think about this - you are better than this and also if she wasn't the new gf but just living her life on FB would you still be wondering whether to report or not?
I really appreciate how you may be feeling. You've been hurt horribly and so I can imagine how tempted you are. But the reality will be very different I should think. For a start, she wasn't married to you, he was and I think he should be the person in the (fantasy) firing line. By all means throw darts at a photo of him on a dartboard but don't give him the satisfaction of knowing how upset you still are in real life.
You already know she feels the need to document every fart on Facebook so can you imagine what a meal she'd make of being in a revenge plot.
"U ok Hun?" "No my new dp has a psycho ex and she's stalking me Hun!" That sort of thing, she'd love the extra attention. Then there's your ex, you'd only be stroking his ego (I dare say you've already had enough of that!) by letting him know you can't move forward.
The best revenge is playing the long game by focusing on yourself, finding out what makes you truly happy and going for it and taking all their (imagined) power over you by kicking them out of your mind!

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 15/02/2021 02:30

*you can’t report anonymously.

If you were a single parents in a brand new relationship- I say yes.*

Where have you read you can't report anonmously ? And even if you can't would the police say who reported?
Law says no despite what you think, 2 bubbles is not allowed

SionnachGlic · 15/02/2021 02:32

If you don't want to be the vengeful vindictive ex-wife, then don't be. Stop looking up her FB page..just stop. What good is it doing you except adding misery & rage. If its public, leave it to someone else to report, plenty who know her must have seen it. Don't be the sad bitter 'stalkery' ex...because that's what she & your ex will be telling people....

Emeraldshamrock · 15/02/2021 02:32

By her own Admission OP is bitter and unless she comes back and drip feeds that her husband was having an affair with this woman and her child is actually her child as well she needs to grow the fuck up and move on with her life OP confirmed he left for her no drip feed required. Reading OP's post might help you OP also confirmed gf is visiting boyfriend.
Stop projecting your situation on the thread you are unnecessarily aggressive in your posts, take a cold shower.

Redglitter · 15/02/2021 02:36

you can’t report anonymously

Yes you can. Most of the reports I deal with at work are anonymous. But even if you do leave your name the Police aren't going to say who reported it

jazz1995 · 15/02/2021 02:39

Look unpopular opinion here:

OPs ex is human. If he wasn’t happy in his relationship- he’s done the right thing by leaving. I’d flame someone more for leading someone on letting them believe there was still something between them.

I will admit I only read the original post- but my opinion still stands. She isn’t doing it because she’s breaking the law- she’s doing it because she’s bitter and jealous.

Knowing her address and car registration and I can beat money on her noting them down- is stalker territory.

I think you need to be careful OP.

Sarcobaleno · 15/02/2021 02:40

Sorry you're getting a hard time OP. I would imagine it's a pretty normal thing to do to look at the OW's Facebook. She's breaking the rules, she can't bubble with her bf and her parents irrelevant of distance. But I don't think you should report her, however understandable your desire for revenge is. Keep trying to be the better person, you'll feel better for it eventually. X

Emeraldshamrock · 15/02/2021 02:43

@jazz1995 You are charming. Hmm

jazz1995 · 15/02/2021 02:45

Emerald so are you saying if your husband wasn’t attracted to you anymore you would prefer him to lie to you for weeks, months even years on end? Really Hmm

MuddyPawPrintsEverywhere · 15/02/2021 02:59

Will they really know who's reported them? If not, I'd be tempted.

Or, since you say she's posted all this publicly on FB where anyone can see it, maybe you could find someone else to do the dirty work of reporting for you...

It's not taking the high road, but... So what? Wink

Whatever you decide to do, I'd do my best to stop looking at her social media. You're torturing yourself, and it does you no good.

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 15/02/2021 03:00

@jazz1995 no the right thing to fo is leave before you wander elsewhere

Sarcobaleno · 15/02/2021 03:01

@jazz1995

Emerald so are you saying if your husband wasn’t attracted to you anymore you would prefer him to lie to you for weeks, months even years on end? Really Hmm
How do you know he didn't? OP is understandably hurt either way.
jazz1995 · 15/02/2021 03:04

And it’s fine to be hurt.

It’s not fine to stalk his new partner because she is bitter and jealous.

Sarcobaleno · 15/02/2021 03:17

@jazz1995 you sound like such an empathetic person Hmm

jazz1995 · 15/02/2021 03:18

I am. I’m just also realistic.

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 15/02/2021 03:18

This is why people should have closed facebook pages ,

HoppingPavlova · 15/02/2021 03:21

Why are you looking at your ex-DH’s girlfriends FB? Is it a form of stalking? Even if it is public why would you even go out of your way to search for it?I would have thought she was the last person you would be interested in! Just as it would be really weird if she stalked information about you.

jazz1995 · 15/02/2021 03:24

Also I have just remembered- I have a locked Facebook page. I posted something on there when I was sellling stuff on eBay to be set “just for me” (was easier to post pictures on Facebook to move to laptop) and all my posts were set “just to me” until I changed it to friends. So it’s possible this woman has posted something set to public and hasn’t realised all her posts are public.

And I’m sorry- I don’t know any grown adult stupid enough to post their address on their Facebook page. Hmm

emilyfrost · 15/02/2021 03:24

You can have a support bubble and a childcare bubble, and it is permissible to drive to see either.

So you don’t know her circumstances and have no basis to report her.

You need to just let it go. You’re only considering it because you’re hurting, but this bitterness only hurts you, not them.

jazz1995 · 15/02/2021 03:25

Call me a conspiracy theorist but I reckon OP has been on 192’people and that is how she has got her address 🤷🏼‍♀️

2ndtimemum2 · 15/02/2021 03:26

Op inreally feel for you the pain sounds so raw at the moment but I promise you it will pass. You deserve better than a man that will cheat on you and honestly if he cheated on you hes capable of doing the same on her.

I know it would be wonderful to think that you might get to have a little revenge but honestly it won't make you feel any better. Inflicting pain on someone else will not ease your own pain.

Have you considered counselling? I found it one of the best things ever to cope and it also help me put my thoughts into perspective. You have nothing to gain from reporting her only causing yourself more pain and drama.

2ndtimemum2 · 15/02/2021 03:28

@jazz1995

Call me a conspiracy theorist but I reckon OP has been on 192’people and that is how she has got her address 🤷🏼‍♀️
@jazz1995 what is 192people?
jazz1995 · 15/02/2021 03:29

Basically if you are on the electoral roll people can search you on there and pay to get your address.

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 15/02/2021 03:31

*You can have a support bubble and a childcare bubble, and it is permissible to drive to see either.

So you don’t know her circumstances and have no basis to report her.*

You need to just let it go. You’re only considering it because you’re hurting, but this bitterness only hurts you, not them.

Yes you can but you can't travel and stay with your childcare bubble its for childcare purposes not a weeks family visit