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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report her Covid breach?

342 replies

ArabellaRockerfella · 15/02/2021 00:19

I admit I'm a bit bitter and prone to thoughts of revenge so I could do with some rational thoughts here.
My recently ex husband has a new girlfriend. She records her and her child's life on Facebook. It's all on public, no filters!
In January her parents drove 300miles to visit her for 'much needed cuddles'
She has just driven 300 miles with her child to visit them for a half term break. It's all mud masks and lovely walks and mummy time!
It's really grinding my gears! When some of us are playing by the rules and not driving 10 miles to see our loved ones.
I really want to report her as I know her address, car reg etc.
All public on Facebook!
To report a Covid breach though you have to give your own details and my ex has a temper! I don't want my name to be implicated.
Should I just leave it alone and get a life?
What would you do?

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 15/02/2021 13:56

*Babyboomtastic

I don't think this was the OW...

The OP was part way through sorting the divorce at the tail end of 2019, so realistically they split at least 18m ago, probably more, and the gf is described as a new girlfriend. Add to that there OPs reluctance to clarify the matter, and I think people here are potentially vilifying a woman who hasn't done anything wrong.

Good spot.

OP this woman has done nothing to you. Not her fault your ex is a dck and hurt you. Leave her alone and stop obsessing about her, it isn’t healthy at all.
Agree and the fact so much is known about this new woman's routine and activity, and it must be checked regularly to know its every 2 weeks to meet with the EX-dh, and what she's doing on her holidays, its an unhealthy level of interest.

HesterShaw1 · 15/02/2021 14:01

Oh OP, come on :(. If you're aware of your character flaws, try and combat them not pander to them.

Someday soon this bit of our lives will be over. Our society will need to get over this eagerness to grass up our fellow citizens and move on. Read a bit of history and find out how damaging this kind of thing was in East Germany, or occupied France.

Do you really want to be that person?

Hadjab · 15/02/2021 14:09

@brownet

Be honest, being a frontline worker has absolutely fuck all to do with it*

Doesn't it? One of my friends is an a&e doctor & is really upset when she sees neighbours breaking rules.

If you’re going to report anyone for anything, then maybe direct your ire at your ex..

Is the ex breaking lockdown?

I admit I'm a bit bitter and prone to thoughts of revenge so I could do with some rational thoughts here

First line in the OP, so yeah, being a frontline worker has fuck all to do with it.

Joinedjustforthispost · 15/02/2021 15:01

You need to stop sucking those lemons op .

Norwayreally · 15/02/2021 15:03

There’s bitter and twisted and then there’s this...

midsomermurderess · 15/02/2021 16:21

Oh dear. This is so depressing. COVID has mad some people quite mad.

SoupDragon · 15/02/2021 16:24

@midsomermurderess

Oh dear. This is so depressing. COVID has mad some people quite mad.
Yes, all the people who think they can do whatever they like are quite mad.
Conkergame · 15/02/2021 16:29

OP, been there, it’s a horrible place isn’t it?

I can 100% guarantee that your life will be better if you block them both on social media and never check their profiles. At the moment your actions are preventing you from moving on - you’re stuck in an obsessive loop and it won’t bring you any happiness.

The best revenge is a life well lived, as they say. Not that you should be focussed on revenge anyway. You should just be thinking about your own happiness and they won’t add to that, so just block.

Best of luck, OP. Flowers

midsomermurderess · 15/02/2021 16:30

Soup, you can't control anyone else so why get so bent out of shape over it? And it is depressing to use it as cover to take your spite out on someone.

ConfusedLove · 15/02/2021 16:30

What a bitter old sod

Bluntness100 · 15/02/2021 16:45

@midsomermurderess

Oh dear. This is so depressing. COVID has mad some people quite mad.
I think this shows the confusion. Some folks are responding thinking the op is evangelical about Covid rules. Others thinking it’s about jealousy and bitterness and just an opportunity to try to cause the woman some pain, that it’s not really about Covid.

From the ops comments, about revenge, bitterness, heart break it seems it’s predominantly the latter. She wants to hurt her because she’s her ex’s girlfriend.

Op, how long ago was the split? It’s clearly years, how many though? The fact you’ve not been able to move on, and still feel like this shows you need help now. You don’t need to live like this, feeling like this.

You say recently ex husband, but I think you mean that’s when the divorce was finalised, it seems from hour other threads this is at least two or three years, if not more, since the marriage actually ended?

It’s time enough now. Don’t do this to yourself any more. 💐

Original poster
ArabellaRockerfella · 15/02/2021 17:03

@Cornettoninja

Don’t feel too bad *@ArabellaRockerfella*, a lot of it is personality type, no judgement - I’m a naturally an envious/jealous fucker! It’s important to recognise it for what it is though and understand that following these feelings often lead to further heartache and very rarely satisfaction.

People who don’t think that way don’t really understand what a visceral, all consuming feeling it can be. They’ll have their own weakness to deal with.

It’s really hard to let those feelings go and rewrite you’re own script to follow, but it’s so liberating and joyful to finally be able to say you don’t give a fuck and mean it when you get there.

Thanks Flowers any tips on how? I've had counselling and hypnosis, yet here I still am :(
OP posts:
Thegereldine3000 · 15/02/2021 17:06

Definatly get a lifeGrin

SquirtleSquad · 15/02/2021 17:10

Was she the OW op?

Babyboomtastic · 15/02/2021 17:10

@ArabellaRockerfella it's been about 3 years, this either isn't a new girlfriend or isn't the first one is is? I know you've tried counseling to help you move on, but I think b given your are still feeling like this, you need to (a) Step away from the Facebook and (b) get some new help.

Your bitterness is having a huge impact on you to and stopping you from being able to move on. Your can't change the past, but you can decide whether this bitterness will destroy your future.

User133847 · 15/02/2021 17:12

Leave him to his mid life crisis. You'll find someone better.

Cadent · 15/02/2021 17:17

Was she the OW?

Go ahead and report her!

Original poster
ArabellaRockerfella · 15/02/2021 17:18

@SquirtleSquad

Was she the OW op?
Don't know. They worked together.
OP posts:
Original poster
ArabellaRockerfella · 15/02/2021 17:21

[quote Babyboomtastic]@ArabellaRockerfella it's been about 3 years, this either isn't a new girlfriend or isn't the first one is is? I know you've tried counseling to help you move on, but I think b given your are still feeling like this, you need to (a) Step away from the Facebook and (b) get some new help.

Your bitterness is having a huge impact on you to and stopping you from being able to move on. Your can't change the past, but you can decide whether this bitterness will destroy your future.[/quote]
Thanks, the last bit of your post is spot on. It will have to stop.
Despite all this personal stuff, she is breaking the rules. But I will leave it there.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 15/02/2021 17:26

Yes it is spot on OP and you need to leave it there - not for her sake because as you say she is breaking the rules but because reporting will I think have a longer term affect on you and your children

Bluntness100 · 15/02/2021 17:32

Don't know. They worked together

If she’s only making an appearance recently op, and you’ve been split years, it’s highly unlikely, I think you know this, but are looking for a reason to justify why you should hate her.

The ow usually makes an appearance very quickly after the marriage ends and you split.

Cornettoninja · 15/02/2021 17:35

Thanks flowers any tips on how? I've had counselling and hypnosis, yet here I still am

Fake it till you make it. Honestly it works. It’s kind of brainwashing yourself into a different frame of mind.

Also find something that you can do to be proud of. Do a course, start a hobby, do couch to 5k and become an excellent runner, hell even just change your make up and hair. Something that makes you like yourself a little bit more.

Hesma · 15/02/2021 17:41

I am driving 90 miles with my DDs to visit my parents tonight. They are my support bubble and I am allowed to visit them. I have no family closer so I use them so I can get a break in the school holidays (I teach). You don’t know her circumstances but for your own mental health you need to stop stalking her on social media. You sound like you need hugs so am sending one xx

RootyT00t · 15/02/2021 17:48

So he didn't leave you for a younger model OP? Or do you think this was going on before?

Crankley · 15/02/2021 17:53

Please listen to the good advice you've been given and ignore the pathetic, curtain twitching busybodies on here who obviously have empty lives.

You are only hurting yourself by looking at her FB and it's irrelevant if she puts everything on FB and has no filters.

I understand you wanting revenge but she's the wrong person, it was your ex who cheated on you, not this woman.