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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report her Covid breach?

342 replies

ArabellaRockerfella · 15/02/2021 00:19

I admit I'm a bit bitter and prone to thoughts of revenge so I could do with some rational thoughts here.
My recently ex husband has a new girlfriend. She records her and her child's life on Facebook. It's all on public, no filters!
In January her parents drove 300miles to visit her for 'much needed cuddles'
She has just driven 300 miles with her child to visit them for a half term break. It's all mud masks and lovely walks and mummy time!
It's really grinding my gears! When some of us are playing by the rules and not driving 10 miles to see our loved ones.
I really want to report her as I know her address, car reg etc.
All public on Facebook!
To report a Covid breach though you have to give your own details and my ex has a temper! I don't want my name to be implicated.
Should I just leave it alone and get a life?
What would you do?

OP posts:
Mulhollandmagoo · 15/02/2021 09:43

Self preservation is key here, block them both on all social media so you have no idea what's going on in their lives! She is being a massive dick, and she should be reported, but 100% not by you! That is a can of worms that needs to stay firmly shut. If someone does report her and your ex asks questions you can show that she is blocked on your social media....so do it right now!!

The best revenge is for you to live a happy life, I know it's easier said than done but that will irritate them far more than you reporting them! Flowers

Dancingwithdreams · 15/02/2021 09:44

You can only have one support bubble although you are also allowed a childcare bubble.
Although guidance says to form these locally where possible, this is only guidance not the law. The police can’t arrest or fine someone for visiting their support bubble regardless of distance, they are treated as being in the same household so social distancing doesn’t apply.

I think you’d be unwise to report it. It’s likely that you could be wrong about her breaking the law.

brownet · 15/02/2021 09:46

It’s likely that you could be wrong about her breaking the law.

Why is the OP wrong?

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 15/02/2021 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NerrSnerr · 15/02/2021 09:48

@Xenia

The guidelines allow it but also they are not the law. the law is even more generous - it has no limit on how far you can go even to go shopping by the way and the list of reasons to leave the house in the statuary instrument is a non exhaustive list i.e. 1000 other reasons might be lawful if reasonable.
The guidelines don't allow it when you already have a support bubble though.
donewithitalltodayandxmas · 15/02/2021 09:49

Posted to soon
The op says this lady is also seeing her ex dh , therefore that would be her support bubble, can people not read the thread
So no you can not have a partner and a support bubble .

Dancingwithdreams · 15/02/2021 09:52

Because she could have seen her partner outside, because she could have been working from her parents house (and taken a lunch break), because she could have left two weeks quarantine between and switched bubbles.

She might be breaking the law but she might not. Given the huge ructions it could cause it hardly seems worth it. She isn’t having a rave.

Ohnomoreno · 15/02/2021 09:52

She's in the wrong (in every way) but I wouldn't report her. If it wasn't always a police report I'd be more tempted - if it was a civil offence and was dealt with separately but I don't actually know whether these breaches end up as criminal records, which I think would be rather ott. Crime of seeing your mum, how depressing.

Boardeduplife · 15/02/2021 09:55

The best advice I can give you is block her, so you can’t check up on her. It’s not mentally healthy for you. Regardless of her Covid breaches, you don’t need to know what she is doing.
My husband’s brother has a newish girlfriend who he now lives with. He left his wife of over 20 years and 2 kids for this woman who is young enough to be his daughter. She has two very young boys herself. She plasters absolutely everything all over FB about her perfect life with BIL. Her profile is public. She really ramped it up lately and I’m sure someone has told her that his ex wife is looking her her profile, hence all the “look at our perfect relationship”.
It’s possible that this new woman knows you are looking, but honestly, stop torturing yourself, get her blocked, face forward and concentrate on building your life without the piece of shit. He’ll no doubt leave her for a newer model later down the line. Please let go for your own sanity💐

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 15/02/2021 09:59

*Because she could have seen her outside, because she could have been working from her parents house (and taken a lunch break), because she could have left two weeks quarantine between and switched bubbles.

She might be breaking the law but she might not. Given the huge ructions it could cause it hardly seems worth it. She isn’t having a rave.*

The OP had already said she is making it very public on facebook what she does , and how do you pop a couple hundred miles in your lunch break , you can't opt to work from your parents and then its ok .
She may not be having a rave but if we all did this , then where would we be. Also I am sure people i cornwall are not to happy with people travelling down from miles away , especially as there are new variants in different places .

brownet · 15/02/2021 10:00

Because she could have seen her partner outside, because she could have been working from her parents house (and taken a lunch break), because she could have left two weeks quarantine between and switched bubbles.

The OPs post said she gone there for the half term break & that the women spends every other week with the ex.

How did you read this as meeting the ex outside & as 2 weeks in between? I also don't understand the lunch break?

OfTheNight · 15/02/2021 10:00

Just leave it OP. Not because I think she’s not in the wrong, but because you’ll end up with more stress and upset. Even if the police don’t say it was you who reported her, your ex will jump to that conclusion and then he’ll be a knob with you, he’ll defend her and it’ll hurt you more.

Everyone saying ‘why are you looking?’ Etc, yes it’s good advice - looking at her on sm isn’t a good move, do block her. But you’re not a weirdo for doing it. I think it’s a pretty normal reaction to being hurt. I did it. I stopped after one search because I knew it was the path of destruction... so pull away but don’t judge yourself on what you did when all hell broke loose on you.

Go and make a list of all the shit stuff your ex did, from the small to the big, then celebrate that you never need to put up with that shit ever again. You’ll get over this, it’ll take time but you will.

SeenYourArse · 15/02/2021 10:03

You absolutely can drive any distance for support or to care for a vulnerable person. My MIL is usually cared for by my SIL who lives 5 mins from her, we live 50 miles away but my DH is now visiting her twice a week to do the things she needs help with as my SIL is too high risk to help her just now as she works in a nursery and my MIL has COPD whereas myself and DH are working from home and seeing next to nobody so way safer for her.

Original poster
ArabellaRockerfella · 15/02/2021 10:05

@OfTheNight

Just leave it OP. Not because I think she’s not in the wrong, but because you’ll end up with more stress and upset. Even if the police don’t say it was you who reported her, your ex will jump to that conclusion and then he’ll be a knob with you, he’ll defend her and it’ll hurt you more.

Everyone saying ‘why are you looking?’ Etc, yes it’s good advice - looking at her on sm isn’t a good move, do block her. But you’re not a weirdo for doing it. I think it’s a pretty normal reaction to being hurt. I did it. I stopped after one search because I knew it was the path of destruction... so pull away but don’t judge yourself on what you did when all hell broke loose on you.

Go and make a list of all the shit stuff your ex did, from the small to the big, then celebrate that you never need to put up with that shit ever again. You’ll get over this, it’ll take time but you will.

Flowers
OP posts:
Jaypreen · 15/02/2021 10:07

You mean should you make a Maoist denunciation?

Get a sodding life will you !

Nasty bitter person.

Playnoh · 15/02/2021 10:08

[quote NerrSnerr]@Playnoh it's not a childcare bubble though. There's pictures on FB of facepacks etc, that's not permitted in a childcare bubble.

It could be a support bubble if she didn't already have one. [/quote]
@NerrSnerr
Are you joking? Face packs aren’t allowed in a childcare bubble. 😂😂You are being ridiculous, once you’re in a bubble you’re in a bubble, if someone looks after your child you’re at risk anyway, having a face pack won’t drastically increase your chances. Come on use your brain!

I think that’s the funniest thing I’ve read on here.

mam0918 · 15/02/2021 10:09

Single person household or not you arent allowed to drive back and forth 300 miles during lockdown.

Also if shes in a relationship with the ex-H then surely shes seeing/bubbling with him.

all that said OP why the fuck are you stalking this woman?
Regardless of weather she has private settings or not the fact you sit and go through he facebook is creepy, wierd and shows you need to get a life and move on.

NerrSnerr · 15/02/2021 10:12

@Playnoh but for a childcare bubble you're not supposed to be there as well- that's the point. The face pack doesn't increase the risk but it proves she was socialising and not just dropping the children off.

She is clearly mixing with at least 2 households and if they're also interpreting the bubble system the same (see who the fuck you want and call it a bubble) you can see why it spreads so quickly.

worried3012 · 15/02/2021 10:16

I looked into this a month it so ago re travelling for support bubble as my sister lives alone 100-150 miles away. The Government website has not specified that it is illegal to travel far to your support bubble but does recommend if possible to stay local. Therefore with no actual rules in place it's okay if absolutely necessary to travel that far as it isn't 'breaking a rule'. Rules and recommendations are two different things.

Personally I think this recommendation is open to abuse but you can only blame the Gov for that and not being clear.

As for the OP, I would suggest letting it go. I don't think you would feel better for reporting., the best thing you can do for yourself is blocking. Out of sight, out of mind..

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 15/02/2021 10:16

@playnoh you need to read up what a childcare bubble is and how its supposed to be used.
It does not include the adults mixing .

Lovelydiscusfish · 15/02/2021 10:18

You can drive as far as you like for your childcare bubble. My dd’s dad and I live over 100 miles apart and travel to each other’s houses for access purposes. We could do facepacks legally too if we wanted to. Though it would be a bit weird.....

OP, I wouldn’t report it as there is no clear proof she is doing anything wrong.

Lovelydiscusfish · 15/02/2021 10:23

Actually I just looked it up and I was wrong. You are not meant to mix with your childcare bubble. I and my ex (dd’s dad), however, do not count as a childcare bubble and are allowed to “mix indoors’, perplexingly. I’ll get the facepacks out for when he drops her off later......

SoupDragon · 15/02/2021 10:23

I think some people don't understand what a childcare bubble is" it's a bubble for childcare, not for half term holidays. The clue is in the name

SlothMama · 15/02/2021 10:25

Report her if you want OP, but you need to block her and stop stalking her.

TinaYouFatLard · 15/02/2021 10:25

Be Jennifer Aniston.