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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gift disappointment

253 replies

OnceUponAThread · 14/02/2021 14:24

AIBU to be annoyed by my Valentine's Day gift. For context I got him his favourite posh chocs and also a coat that he's always wanted but thought was too expensive to treat himself to. He was thrilled.

He got me... sexy underwear. I'd be underwhelmed at the best of times because I think that's a gift for the guy not the girl really. And I'm sure I've told him that I'm not keen on undies as a present before.

But also. We recently found out that I'm pregnant, and so tbh it's the last thing I want. I appreciate that he bought before we knew but couldn't he have returned it and got something else when we found out? Or maybe saved in for a later (disappointing) year.

He really built it up as well saying he'd put loads of thought in and I'd love it and he couldn't wait for me to open. Frankly it feels totally thoughtless and I'd rather have had nothing at all.

He keeps suggesting I try it on and it's just leaving me totally cold. AIBU?

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 15/02/2021 18:20

It's a crass silly present. However, in future spell out what you want.

Smile345 · 15/02/2021 18:23

So happy it's all OK.
😁

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 15/02/2021 18:25

You've told him before that underwear is not a gift for you so you're definitely not being unreasonable.

I like underwear, not crotchless stuff, just lovely quality things that I would buy for myself. Whoever gets them for me, they're for me, not him. I don't understand the premise of 'underwear is for him'? Boxers are for him, I wouldn't wear them. My underwear is for me, never for him and i wouldn't be with somebody who I thought perceived me as a blow-up doll in the first place. Ugh.

BBCdramaaddict · 15/02/2021 18:30

Totally a present for him. I got my husband sexy underwear for me to wear.

LookMoreCloselier · 15/02/2021 18:32

I'd be happy to receive that. I once asked DH to pick me some new undies for my birthday and he gave me a gift voucher for the underwear shop instead. I came to realise he couldn't give a stuff what underwear I had on which is great in a way as no pressure and can rock up for a session wearing fugly old lady pants but on the other hand it's nice to feel sexy and desirable.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 15/02/2021 18:36

@BBCdramaaddict

Totally a present for him. I got my husband sexy underwear for me to wear.
Isn't that perpetuating the 'blow-up' doll shtick? It's a bit grimey to me, sorry.
Bambini12 · 15/02/2021 18:36

YANBU as you've previously said you're not happy with underwear as a present.

I like nice undies as a present and DP gets me things I wouldn't usually buy myself as they are a bit pricey but he knows I like them as a present and I don't see them as more of a present for him.

The difference is that we discussed it before hand and I said I'd like them and you have previously said you don't. He should have been more thoughtful

cherish123 · 15/02/2021 18:37

YABU

These gifts sound a bit ostentatious for Valentine's Day.

Lulu49 · 15/02/2021 18:38

I think he’s trying to keep the sexiness going for as long as possible because he’s afraid it will disappear now you are pregnant and if so, for lots of couples, he would be right. Your about to get totally immersed in your body in a not very sexy way, growing a human! Maybe he’s worried he’s not going to find a pregnant body attractive (my ex husband didn’t fancy me when I was pregnant) His mop comment says (to me) that he’s worried that sex is going to be affected by your pregnancy. I’m assuming it’s your first. Maybe his mates are like “sex will stop once she’s up the duff” etc etc

myfaceismyown · 15/02/2021 18:40

Agree with Newnameagain111
I once got a rolling pin as a "thoughtful" gift.... Would have loved some sexy undies!

Ohnomoreno · 15/02/2021 18:41

Just don't do valentine's presents. Much easier. I don't care at all about some arbitrary date that's had the shit marketed out of it to make me buy some red tat.

IsThePopeCatholic · 15/02/2021 18:46

He’s probably been watching too much porn.

ERFFER · 15/02/2021 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Buffs · 15/02/2021 18:58

Yabu. Lucky to get anything. Stick to exchanging a box of chocolates and then you won’t be disappointed. A coat seems ridiculously extravagant and he clearly felt he was making an effort. Wouldn’t it be worse if he felt sexy underwear was inappropriate considering you’re pregnant?

earnshaw47 · 15/02/2021 18:59

am a bit biased because i dont do valentines day so just grin and bear it love , it could be worse

Inwiththenew · 15/02/2021 19:12

There will come a point later in your pregnancy when you’ll get very very horny! Except your boobs will probably be way too big for it by then. Or save it till you want to make this next one! Valentine’s Day, it’s not that important in the grand scheme of things. Let it go.

Plunger · 15/02/2021 19:13

Buy him a posing pouch or mankini next time !! And expect him to model it as well.

winniestone37 · 15/02/2021 19:13

I dunno if he got the wrong gift maybe you need to take control and be clearer about what you do and do not want them he can’t get it wrong. This sounds like a moan to have with your mates tbh.

AnotherKrampus · 15/02/2021 19:16

That is such a lovely update OP. So pleased that you resolved things.

MumofBreck · 15/02/2021 19:20

I’m jealous, I would have Loved to have gotten sexy underwear for Val day or any day. I got a card. Pregnant and sexy is possible, some of my most memorable sexual moments were when pregnant, must have been the hormones! ;-b

AnakreonsGrab · 15/02/2021 19:27

I bought DP some underwear for V Day. Now I realise I'm a sex pest. Confused

OP, I know you are newly pregnant and don't feel at your sexiest best. However, pregnancy (more than one pregnancy) ended up with me being in an entirely sexless marriage, so just be careful what you wish for when you're thinking about Granny pants.

Your husband evidently got it wrong this time, but if he's trying to say he finds you attractive, this is not the end of the world. And yes, it would hurt if I bought my DP something I liked and thought he would, and he made it clear that I'd got it all wrong.

user234987653 · 15/02/2021 19:35

@saraclara

So he'd already told you that he'd really tried to get you something nice and genuinely thought you'd love it. You're pregnant and he thought he was reassuring you that he still finds you sexy and adores you. He's probably read all the articles about pregnant women feeling fat and unattractive and was trying to do the right thing.

I'd cut him some slack, to be honest. He really thought this through, even though he did get it wrong. However close a couple is, they can't read each others' minds. At least he wasn't one of the many men I saw in Tesco late last night, grabbing random flowers and a card at the last minute.

He would have been really hurt that you told him you thought he'd bought it for himself. I know many men do that, but in this case I think he genuinely wanted to send you a message that you're still gorgeous.

I am a bit skint at the moment.

Could you please use your psychic powers to give me Saturdays lottery results.

I'll buy you some sexy underwear as a thank you.

Thanks in anticipation of your assistance.

Aloux · 15/02/2021 19:42

At least you got something 🤣

msgreen · 15/02/2021 19:49

Yes he is a muppet, but at least he got something !!!!!!!
tell him how you feel ,but if you are having kids with this man
you gotta suck it up buttercup.
sorry

Mirinska · 15/02/2021 19:55

Was it meant well? Is it his version of showing you how much he fancies you and values physical intimacy with you? Maybe he meant it as a compliment. It might be worth making sure so he doesn’t feel too bad for misjudging what you’d like.

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