Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gift disappointment

253 replies

OnceUponAThread · 14/02/2021 14:24

AIBU to be annoyed by my Valentine's Day gift. For context I got him his favourite posh chocs and also a coat that he's always wanted but thought was too expensive to treat himself to. He was thrilled.

He got me... sexy underwear. I'd be underwhelmed at the best of times because I think that's a gift for the guy not the girl really. And I'm sure I've told him that I'm not keen on undies as a present before.

But also. We recently found out that I'm pregnant, and so tbh it's the last thing I want. I appreciate that he bought before we knew but couldn't he have returned it and got something else when we found out? Or maybe saved in for a later (disappointing) year.

He really built it up as well saying he'd put loads of thought in and I'd love it and he couldn't wait for me to open. Frankly it feels totally thoughtless and I'd rather have had nothing at all.

He keeps suggesting I try it on and it's just leaving me totally cold. AIBU?

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 15/02/2021 19:56

Him: why you don't you go and put your underwear on. Me: I don't really feel like it at the moment. Him: do you like it. Me. Yes thank you.

Why lie?

I'd honestly say "No...it's not what I want, it's what you want"

pollypot123 · 15/02/2021 19:57

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Next year, once your baby is here, you won’t be so concerned with V day gifts I’m sure!

Amedgr8t · 15/02/2021 20:01

Sorry about this

MartiniDry · 15/02/2021 20:03

Courtesy dictates that the only appropriate response to a gift is along the lines of, "How lovely. Thank you ever so much".

Therefore YABU, sorry.

jamdonut · 15/02/2021 20:08

I think you are being unreasonable. I think all you had to say was, how lovely, thank you —it’s a gift to you and he put some thought into it. Now he wants you to wear them, to “prove “ he was mistaken in thinking you didn’t like them. What if he’d said that to you about the posh chocs you gave him... you’d have felt a bit miffed I’m sure!

MrsWindass · 15/02/2021 20:15

@CodenameVillanelle

I think you should gently say that you're not in the mood for dressing up for sex and you probably won't be for a long time, if you're even the same size after baby is born, so not to buy anything like that until you tell him it's welcome. However in normal circumstances I don't think being offended by a gift of underwear is proportionate.
PS Welcome to the end of your sex life 😂 according to this poster .
Ginburee · 15/02/2021 20:17

A coat is a little excessive but if you are pregnant with your first I get that.
The underwear is insensitive and he may not have thought of that, but him not listening and his mop comment has crossed a big line.
You need to nip this in the bud.

Bluegrass · 15/02/2021 20:32

The whole “I bought sexy underwear to wear as a gift for DH” makes me laugh/cringe.

It just makes me imagine a guy coming on here saying he’d bought himself a really expensive pair of boxer shorts to wear as his wife’s Valentine’s day gift and can someone please explain why he is now locked out of the house??”
Confused

FortunesFave · 15/02/2021 20:34

@Ginburee

A coat is a little excessive but if you are pregnant with your first I get that. The underwear is insensitive and he may not have thought of that, but him not listening and his mop comment has crossed a big line. You need to nip this in the bud.
Who says a coat is excessive? OP says it's not excessive at all in their relationship. That sort of thing is subjective.
jentinquarantino20 · 15/02/2021 20:36

Good lord this makes me so glad to be single. I felt attractive as my pregnancy went on but sexy never was a thing. The mop comment is unreal too. What are you? Just a bit of sex or a maid now you don’t want sex? I will admit I’ve not read the whole thread yet but he annoyed me enough to have to just comment now. I’ve been a single mum of 2 since day one because I don’t tolerate men like that. You have been together long enough for him to know what you like and don’t like, I would have preferred him not bothering at all.

Fuckingcrustybread · 15/02/2021 20:49

@BeautifulStar

Agree it’s a present for him, not you. If he was buying underwear for you he’d have bought you a pair of comfy maternity Bridget jones’s from M&S.

My dh (then dp) did this years ago for my birthday. I told him in no uncertain terms that I didn’t appreciate it - how would he feel if I’d bought him say, a dress-up sexy fireman’s outfit for his bday? It’s basically like saying “for your birthday/valentines/whatever I would like you to dress up in this bit of lace with a thong that’s like dental floss up your bum and parade around to get me off”.

He didn’t do it again!

Love, love this. It's a perfect response.
Fuckingcrustybread · 15/02/2021 21:39

@Nenevalleykayaker

Jaysus Confused your husband is buying you sexy lingerie because he fancies the pants off you and wants you to be reassured that he finds you just as beautiful and attractive as you ever were.

Don’t tell me if he bought you granny pants from M&S you’d be happy. They’re not romantic , which is what Valentine’s Day is supposed to represent!

Have a little graciousness.

Have a read of the thread, or at least the OP's posts,
failingmammalian · 15/02/2021 22:07

To those who say they want granny pants as a loving gift : really????really???? I can understand the thought/idea but if your husband bought that the reality would be surely horrific (now I’m pregnant he thinks I want granny pants!!!)

I honestly think present buying is so hard. Few women and fewer men get it right .....

Wearywithteens · 15/02/2021 22:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

AnotherKrampus · 15/02/2021 23:03

What is it with the lack of basic comprehension or even bothering to read at least the OP's updates on MN these days! The whole issue has long been amicably resolved, no need to berate OP for being ungracious or the reverse.

avamiah · 15/02/2021 23:51

Who actually cares about Valentine’s Day ?
Christ almighty, get a grip .

NiceGerbil · 16/02/2021 02:56

Was on the thread earlier.

In response to the last couple of posts.

When I worked in a department store. Around Xmas / valentine. There would be a load of men coming and saying. I've got this knickers and bra for my wife. Do you have any stockings with the line up the back?

And I would say what size and they'd look me up and down and say, same size as you.

Right middle aged men your wives are all the same size as 19yo 5'2 8 stone girls huh? And they had a good look while sizing and showing me the underwear. One young man came in and said he was looking for something for his girlfriend to wear to sleep in and she liked his baggy t-shirts and did we have something like that?

He was a breath of fresh air. He knew what she actually wanted. The speed to dismiss comfy clothes for women is sad.

Also. My husband cares about valentine's Day. He always gets me a shit ton of thoughtful presents. I don't remember this stuff and I'm shit at presents. So I care. He cares and every year I'm. Oh shit. It's valentimes day? Fuck....

Gilly12345 · 16/02/2021 06:12

Be honest with him and say that you would rather choose your own underwear and ask him to return it,

In the future be more like him and be clear what you would like or don’t bother.

What’s wrong with lovely flowers and a nice meal?

Sapho47 · 16/02/2021 06:36

@BeautifulStar

Agree it’s a present for him, not you. If he was buying underwear for you he’d have bought you a pair of comfy maternity Bridget jones’s from M&S.

My dh (then dp) did this years ago for my birthday. I told him in no uncertain terms that I didn’t appreciate it - how would he feel if I’d bought him say, a dress-up sexy fireman’s outfit for his bday? It’s basically like saying “for your birthday/valentines/whatever I would like you to dress up in this bit of lace with a thong that’s like dental floss up your bum and parade around to get me off”.

He didn’t do it again!

"how would he feel if I’d bought him say, a dress-up sexy fireman’s outfit for his bday? "

I'd have thought most men would have answered they'd be quite happy with that gift?

Luddite26 · 16/02/2021 06:46

If the OTT valentine gift is the way you do it remind your OH of that as he hasn't has he?
A coat isn't a very romantic gift whereas underwear is. So YABU to moan about it as a valentines gift. Next year buy him a butt plug or something

Mgi4243765 · 16/02/2021 07:12

Valentine’s Day is for the commerce the love that is behind it is there all year round.. forcing it on people in one day brings huge pressure. So you’re pregnant we’ll although it’s your body he is pregnant to and many men feel like they’re loosing their girlfriends wives when this happens. The passion and live you had before becoming pregnant almost disappear because the mother to be goes totally inwards and the father to be is left wondering where you went. He’s probably just trying to hold on to the moments you had while making the baby and that’s ok.. it’s not just about sex it’s deeper than that but maybe that’s the only way he knows how to community how he feels right now. Self centred maybe but not thoughtless and loveless.. I’d put it on and make like Pre baby and give him a little focus then tell him why it made you feel the way it did.. all with love in mind and not just one commercial day!

thebestnamehere · 16/02/2021 07:17

I know someone who got an LED flashing rose 🌹 so really anything you get you should be grateful for

Localocal · 16/02/2021 08:28

My husband buys me lingerie too and I also hate it. It feels like pressure to be sexier and also a present for him. And even though I've told him what kind of lingerie I like (floaty things that skim over my ample curves) he persists in getting me tight things that make me feel like a fat sausage. I think he is trying to show that after 25 years and three children and 4 stone heavier than when we met I am stil sexy to him. But I would far rather choose my own lingerie and when to wear it.

I do believe he means well, though, so I just wear the things I like, and never wear the ones I don't. Maybe he will get the message eventually. Or maybe not. I should have said something sooner.

On the bright side, my sex drive was very high during parts of my pregnancies, so maybe you will find yourself wanting to be sexy at some point in the next few months, and this will come in handy.

Devora13 · 16/02/2021 08:31

'Maybe he thought what with being pregnant and feeling bloated, lacey underwear would make you feel sexy and attractive, in a good way?
Sounds from his gutted reaction to your comment that he really did want to please you, and he did put thought in... it’s just he got it wrong. It happens sometimes to the best of partners.'

This. Also, do you usually get each other expensive Valentine's gifts? You do you by all means, but in this house, Valentine's us about fun, small gifts. Big gestures are for birthdays.

pollyanna1962 · 16/02/2021 10:03

In my opinion which will no doubt get slated.
We are living in a time of a pandemic, be glad he's alive, be glad he's well and you are well.
All of that would matter not, if he suddenly died.
Get a grip for heavens sake.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread