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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gift disappointment

253 replies

OnceUponAThread · 14/02/2021 14:24

AIBU to be annoyed by my Valentine's Day gift. For context I got him his favourite posh chocs and also a coat that he's always wanted but thought was too expensive to treat himself to. He was thrilled.

He got me... sexy underwear. I'd be underwhelmed at the best of times because I think that's a gift for the guy not the girl really. And I'm sure I've told him that I'm not keen on undies as a present before.

But also. We recently found out that I'm pregnant, and so tbh it's the last thing I want. I appreciate that he bought before we knew but couldn't he have returned it and got something else when we found out? Or maybe saved in for a later (disappointing) year.

He really built it up as well saying he'd put loads of thought in and I'd love it and he couldn't wait for me to open. Frankly it feels totally thoughtless and I'd rather have had nothing at all.

He keeps suggesting I try it on and it's just leaving me totally cold. AIBU?

OP posts:
TheyIsMyFamily · 14/02/2021 17:24

@SakuraEdenSwan1

You sound like a spoilt child, you do not give just to receive back, Yabu.
She does not sound like a spoilt child.

A bit of thought about her is not too much to ask. Instead he was delighted to receive thoughtful expensive gifts for himself and brought himself a third and presented it to her.

LookItsMeAgain · 14/02/2021 17:25

I'd be furious about the mop comment. He'd be making his own dinner and sleeping elsewhere until he apologised for that.

I'd be disappointed about the lingerie - I too have had sexy lingerie bought for me (as a birthday present) but it was from a shop that I don't usually buy from and the sizes they had on their labels were quite different to my usual brand so much smaller and didn't fit so they had to be returned. Did I get anything else to make up for that - nope, so I didn't get anything.

Is it possible for you to return the coat you got him? Are all the tags still attached? If he doesn't snap out of the tantrum he's throwing at the moment (and that is what it really boils down to - he's throwing a tantrum), the coat goes back!

Congrats on the pregnancy. Hope you have a happy and healthy one.

Davros · 14/02/2021 17:26

The chances of a partner (man or woman) being able to buy underwear that fits and is the right shape is about zero. "Sexy" underwear is also more likely to make the recipient feel the opposite of what is intended

MuddyPawPrintsEverywhere · 14/02/2021 17:31

@SakuraEdenSwan1

You sound like a spoilt child, you do not give just to receive back, Yabu.
Oh, please!

She gave him a gift that she knew he would love. It's not "spoilt" to wish that he would do the same for her. Besides, she did "receive back". She's not complaining that he gave nothing. She's upset that the gift he gave was for him, something that she has told him before she doesn't particularly want as a gift. And when she admitted that she wasn't overjoyed by this selfish, thoughtless gift, he had the audacity to act angry and make an insulting comment about giving her a mop instead.

I can only assume you're "stirring the pot", because surely no-one could seriously think OP is the spoilt child in all this!

StormzyInaDCup · 14/02/2021 17:37

I'm laughing so much at this @OnceUponAThread. Not at your situation, it's unthoughtful and no one wants a cheese wire up their arse on any day, never mind when pregnant. 100% with you, it's a rubbish present, but with no malice.

Only on mn should you LTB, brandish him as useless goods and rid your womb of his devil sperm. If mn were PM, there'd be no men left! 🙄😂 Love honey would reign supreme!

Henio · 14/02/2021 17:40

OP please be a bit easier on yourself about the weight gain Flowers

Thislittlefinger123 · 14/02/2021 17:41

He even said "we can go upstairs and you can put it on for me"

That's a bit grim 😕 I like nice underwear sometimes, if I choose to wear it. I am not a doll to entertain my DH though 🙄

Original poster
OnceUponAThread · 14/02/2021 17:46

@StormzyInaDCup

I'm laughing so much at this *@OnceUponAThread*. Not at your situation, it's unthoughtful and no one wants a cheese wire up their arse on any day, never mind when pregnant. 100% with you, it's a rubbish present, but with no malice.

Only on mn should you LTB, brandish him as useless goods and rid your womb of his devil sperm. If mn were PM, there'd be no men left! 🙄😂 Love honey would reign supreme!

Agree I was quite 😱😱😱😱 at the thought I should have an abortion because of the underwear.
OP posts:
jumpyturtles · 14/02/2021 17:46

I can see how he may have just not thought about how the present would come across, but the way he’s acted isn’t right at al

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 14/02/2021 17:50

Only on mn should you LTB, brandish him as useless goods and rid your womb of his devil sperm

Agree. Also, only on MN do spouses never say dickish things to each other - like the mop remark - from time to time.

Massive storm in a teacup.

DK123 · 14/02/2021 17:50

Send the coat back and buy him a steam mop

AubergineIsMyFavourite · 14/02/2021 17:51

I came on here after reading the title of your thread ready to say YABU. But then I read your post.

YANBU and I would say that whether you were pregnant or not. I would hate underwear as a gift.

InFiveMins · 14/02/2021 17:54

YABU - adults getting huffy over Valentines Day doesn't quite sit right with me, but adults getting huffy and whining that the gift wasn't quite to their expectations is even worse. You just sound ungrateful and childish.

Maybe don't get each other anything at all from now on - will save the hassle of feeling shit all day then!

SleepingStandingUp · 14/02/2021 17:59

@InFiveMins

YABU - adults getting huffy over Valentines Day doesn't quite sit right with me, but adults getting huffy and whining that the gift wasn't quite to their expectations is even worse. You just sound ungrateful and childish.

Maybe don't get each other anything at all from now on - will save the hassle of feeling shit all day then!

You think she shouldn't get huffy that her DH brought her something explicitly for his sexual pleasure wrapped up as a gift to her and that when pushed into saying if she liked it or not, berated her and told her he'd buy her a mop (because women should be for sex or housework)?
Original poster
OnceUponAThread · 14/02/2021 17:59

Update for all those interested.

  1. He's apologised for mop-gate and agreed that was a bloody stupid thing to say. There was an explanation of sorts but it was crap and not really worth covering here. The apology will do for me and I'm comfortable moving past it.

As I mentioned elsewhere he does the majority of the housework, so I absolutely do not believe he thinks it is women's work. And I am reassured by that and his apology.

  1. he has also apologised for the undies. As many have said, he thought he was doing a nice thing and wanted to make me feel sexy etc, but has acknowledged that it fell flat and wasn't the right gift for me. He offered to get a full refund and get me something else entirely.

  2. he's also mortified that underwear doesn't even fit. He checked against my drawer not realising that some of that has been relegated as it is now too small.

In a real twist, I've decided I would like to try it in a size up. The set he picked is actually quite gorgeous and I want to give it a whirl. But he's also going get it me some pretty and pregnancy appropriate nightwear.

We're now settling down to a film and a takeaway. All good. All sorted hurrah.

Thanks for all perspectives from all sides. A wild ride from start to finish.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 14/02/2021 18:00

Glad he apologised and reloaded he was being a got OPM. Huzzah.

Mamapep · 14/02/2021 18:02

If you told him previously it’s not a gift you’re into and you have this agreed high expectation for Valentine’s day then YANBU but also... it sounds like he thought it would be something you’d like. However misjudged.

(And to the previous poster saying ‘there’s nothing worse than receiving sexy underwear as a gift’ etc.. Personally I love it.. different strokes eh)

Nenevalleykayaker · 14/02/2021 18:04

Jaysus Confused your husband is buying you sexy lingerie because he fancies the pants off you and wants you to be reassured that he finds you just as beautiful and attractive as you ever were.

Don’t tell me if he bought you granny pants from M&S you’d be happy. They’re not romantic , which is what Valentine’s Day is supposed to represent!

Have a little graciousness.

RedcurrantPuff · 14/02/2021 18:06

@Wearywithteens

RedcurrantPuff - what did he do when you cried?
He was a bit perplexed why so I told him and he went into a bit of a huff, which was nice and awkward as where we had been for our weekend was a ferry ride away so we were on the ferry. He snapped out of it fairly quickly though, although he’s never admitted it was a shit present!

50th is fast looming and believe me I will be much more vocal in advance about presents ;)

MrMucker · 14/02/2021 18:06

Well it sounds like you're made for each other.

Hannahusky · 14/02/2021 18:07

Last valentines day I was pregnant also. OP has stated she just found out. I was about 14 weeks. I don't drink often, just for special occasions so as I couldn't enjoy wine or prosecco my DH bought me a really fancy box of Hotel Chocolat chocolates. I couldn't stomach much more than toast at the time, so I didn't really get to enjoy them. However I was not going to be such a spoiled princess to start demanding my DH goes out and returns them and get me something else. It's a valentines gift, not a big birthday. He tried and he didn't hit the mark. As for the comments - have none of you said anything in anger? I definitely have. I just feel that if the roles were reversed here and OP was saying she's really upset because she put loads of effort into a special valentines gift and then DP was so thankless and even accused her of being selfish, MN users would have no issue calling DP a selfish twat who should have been thankful he got anything.

Eckhart · 14/02/2021 18:07

@SakuraEdenSwan1

You sound like a spoilt child, you do not give just to receive back, Yabu.
You sound like somebody who really hasn't understood what's going on here.
Eckhart · 14/02/2021 18:09

@Nenevalleykayaker

Jaysus Confused your husband is buying you sexy lingerie because he fancies the pants off you and wants you to be reassured that he finds you just as beautiful and attractive as you ever were.

Don’t tell me if he bought you granny pants from M&S you’d be happy. They’re not romantic , which is what Valentine’s Day is supposed to represent!

Have a little graciousness.

Those are not the only two options. He could have got her something that she's expressed an interest in lately. You know, like people normally do when they buy a present for somebody.
JackieWeaverFever · 14/02/2021 18:10

@OnceUponAThread

Update for all those interested.
  1. He's apologised for mop-gate and agreed that was a bloody stupid thing to say. There was an explanation of sorts but it was crap and not really worth covering here. The apology will do for me and I'm comfortable moving past it.

As I mentioned elsewhere he does the majority of the housework, so I absolutely do not believe he thinks it is women's work. And I am reassured by that and his apology.

  1. he has also apologised for the undies. As many have said, he thought he was doing a nice thing and wanted to make me feel sexy etc, but has acknowledged that it fell flat and wasn't the right gift for me. He offered to get a full refund and get me something else entirely.

  2. he's also mortified that underwear doesn't even fit. He checked against my drawer not realising that some of that has been relegated as it is now too small.

In a real twist, I've decided I would like to try it in a size up. The set he picked is actually quite gorgeous and I want to give it a whirl. But he's also going get it me some pretty and pregnancy appropriate nightwear.

We're now settling down to a film and a takeaway. All good. All sorted hurrah.

Thanks for all perspectives from all sides. A wild ride from start to finish.

Oh yay

This is a good update.
I hope the new version(s) are more appropriate!!!

SleepingStandingUp · 14/02/2021 18:11

However I was not going to be such a spoiled princess to start demanding my DH goes out and returns them and get me something else op didn't though so....? He offered. Better than £££ worth of clothing sitting in a drawer and then a charity shop bag years down the line.

OP was saying she's really upset because she put loads of effort into a special valentines gift and then DP was so thankless and even accused her of being selfish if op had brought him a jock strap / vibrator to use on her / firans outfit and her DH was upset he was expected to wear it for ops sexual pleasure after he'd brought her a personal present, no she wouldn't

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