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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gift disappointment

253 replies

OnceUponAThread · 14/02/2021 14:24

AIBU to be annoyed by my Valentine's Day gift. For context I got him his favourite posh chocs and also a coat that he's always wanted but thought was too expensive to treat himself to. He was thrilled.

He got me... sexy underwear. I'd be underwhelmed at the best of times because I think that's a gift for the guy not the girl really. And I'm sure I've told him that I'm not keen on undies as a present before.

But also. We recently found out that I'm pregnant, and so tbh it's the last thing I want. I appreciate that he bought before we knew but couldn't he have returned it and got something else when we found out? Or maybe saved in for a later (disappointing) year.

He really built it up as well saying he'd put loads of thought in and I'd love it and he couldn't wait for me to open. Frankly it feels totally thoughtless and I'd rather have had nothing at all.

He keeps suggesting I try it on and it's just leaving me totally cold. AIBU?

OP posts:
Nsky · 14/02/2021 18:13

If you are very bloated, heaped teasp of minced ginger in hot ( almost boiling works well).
Put your fingers on tummy button in clockwork motion, def helps

PatchworkElmer · 14/02/2021 18:13

Glad it’s sorted OP. Hope you have a nice evening Flowers

RedcurrantPuff · 14/02/2021 18:14

I think the worst thing @TheyIsMyFamily is that for my 30th he threw me a surprise afternoon tea party with all my female relatives and girlfriends, he’d put so much effort into that and then while I didn’t expect the same 10 years and 2 children later it just felt... blah

Anyway enough me-railing, glad it is sorted OP

Gwegowygwiggs · 14/02/2021 18:19

I know you’ve updated and everything is sorted, but I just have to say I do feel slightly sad for him.

I am also pregnant, and DH got me some sexy underwear. He got it in my normal size with the idea that I will have some nice underwear to wear when I can finally fit into something that isn’t granny pants and a stretchy crop top.

I thought it was thoughtful and realistically, even if I hadn’t, it’s Valentine’s Day. Who really cares?? Presents aren’t compulsory but I’ve you’ve decided to do presents for each other that's lovely and I think it was unfair to react in the way you did. As though he’d somehow done something wrong by having dared get you something you don’t like?? I do think your reaction was probably at least partly down to hormones, I know in both my pregnancies I’ve reacted totally out of character at times. Maybe you were expecting something really special and this just didn’t really do the job, but nevertheless, I still think getting upset over something so trivial is just silly.

Ohtheplacesyougo · 14/02/2021 18:19

If I was bought sexy underwear, I’d honestly love it! He obviously thinks you’d look nice wearing it! I’d be flattered!

BeeDavis · 14/02/2021 18:20

I just couldn’t bring myself to be THIS ungrateful. All this can be avoided by just not bothering like me and my fiancé do 😂

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 14/02/2021 18:31

Well done, OP - glad it is sorted.

And always be very wary of the motives of posters on this sort of thread. There are some MNetters, probably in unhappy relationships themselves, who are attracted like ghouls to them, and who delight in telling posters that even the most trivial issue with a DH/DP is proof that he is a waste of space. The PPs telling you not to have a baby with a man because he bought you the wrong undies on frigging Valentine's Day are a prime example. People like this do not have your best interests at heart.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/02/2021 18:34

All this declaration that's she's being a princess bad ungrateful etc.

She opened it and said thank you.
He pushed and pushed for her to try it on and declare how much she loved it.
It didn't fit and she didn't like it.
Maybe your relationships work better by lying and maybe your happy for gifts to sit in drawers for years unused because honesty is sometimes hard, but I don't think that's a great template for life.

happystrummer · 14/02/2021 18:41

My DP was a bit disappointed today too. I dont go in for all the valentines stuff. To be fair he knows that after 20 years. So he gave me a card this morning . I said I havent got you one but I;ve peeled the veg for dinner. He's been lightheartedly whining on all day that having veg peeled is the worst valentines present he has ever had lol . At least it saved him doing it today :)

thosetalesofunexpected · 14/02/2021 18:50

@OnceUponAThread

I am no fan of valentines day,I think its over hyped etc.

I do think your husband could have thought of something better,mor original or thoughtful gift for valentines day.

the price of something being expensive is not what valentines day,gift sharing is about.

Its the thought that counts op.

You obviously a lot more thoughtful about Valentine's day.

He needs to step up his game really.

He could have checked the internet for ideas,but I do appreciate in fairness on his part,there are no stores open for proper looking around for gifts such as clothes etc for this speacial day for lovers.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 14/02/2021 18:57

YABU to buy Valentines gifts if you're past the age of 25.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 14/02/2021 18:59

Hmmm ahhh you don't like it, fair enough. Valentine's is a funny one really it should be about love tokens and the thought than expensive gifts. That's more a Christmas/ birthday thing. Otherwise we would be skint with all these presents.

I wasn't expecting anything so was surprised by the chocs. At least you know he still fancies you, that's one thing to take from it 🙂

AliceinBunniland · 14/02/2021 19:00

You sound a bit ungrateful and he might have thought it was a good gift. He could have bought it before you found out you are pregnant and it might not be he as easy to return things right now, depending on where he got it from.

BUT if you don't feel like trying it on then tell him.

Okokokbear · 14/02/2021 19:13

How old are you? How long have you been together? This just feels like the sort of teenage problem/situation. Both the gift and the reaction. If course do something nice as a couple for valentines day. But being annoyed about a gift doesn't feel like a grown up long term relationship thing.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/02/2021 19:16

@CurlyhairedAssassin

YABU to buy Valentines gifts if you're past the age of 25.
Why 25? Should we have matured out of it by then? Are only the young so feckless they need a special day? So spoilt to need an extra present? Is love less significant or worth celebrating past that age? Should we all have been settled down by then and bored of doin something nice?
hammeringinmyhead · 14/02/2021 19:17

@AliceinBunniland

You sound a bit ungrateful and he might have thought it was a good gift. He could have bought it before you found out you are pregnant and it might not be he as easy to return things right now, depending on where he got it from.

BUT if you don't feel like trying it on then tell him.

She did. It's too small.
Singlenotsingle · 14/02/2021 19:22

My dp bought me nightwear but not the sexy sort. Shorts, pj trousers, a top, nightie and housecoat, all in a silly dark blue material. Slinky, sexy but not overt.

butterpuffed · 14/02/2021 19:30

@SleepingStandingUp

All this declaration that's she's being a princess bad ungrateful etc. She opened it and said thank you. He pushed and pushed for her to try it on and declare how much she loved it. It didn't fit and she didn't like it. Maybe your relationships work better by lying and maybe your happy for gifts to sit in drawers for years unused because honesty is sometimes hard, but I don't think that's a great template for life.
Op likes it now, says it's "actually quite gorgeous" and is getting a larger size.

Mountains , molehills and hormones.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 14/02/2021 19:35

"My DP was a bit disappointed today too. I dont go in for all the valentines stuff. To be fair he knows that after 20 years."

But it's not about the giver is it? It's about the receiver. Equally, to be fair, you know that after 20 years this occasion does have meaning for him. Don't you want to make him feel loved? Isn't that what loving people do.

I had this conversation with my 18 year old son a week back. It was my birthday on a Sunday and he gave me nothing - no card - no present. It's not the first time. It hurt. And I told him. And I told him if he ever has a wife he does not do this to her. He knows it matters to me. Whether or not it matters to him (and actually it does- could you imagine his face if I gave him absolutely nothing on his birthday) it matters to me and I expect some small gesture that reflects that. He apologised so we will see. The non-gifting, non-card-giving person needs to step up and gift and card-gift!!! That is far less hurtful than the recipient getting bugger all.

Original poster
OnceUponAThread · 14/02/2021 19:55

@butterpuffed oh come on. That's me compromising.

He's acknowledged that it was a thoughtless present and more for him than me. He's apologised.

I have said what you chose was pretty, let's try it in a size up but can I also get some appropriate nightwear.

I'm happy. He's happy. We've moved on.

The thread has been mixed with people on one extreme saying I should dump him and have an abortion - and on the other extreme saying I'm a selfish teenager who has devastated him.

We've been together a long time, we aren't teenagers, we have a long-established history of buying each other thoughtful gifts. People might think that Valentine's Day is rubbish but we don't.

I was never breaking up over this or getting rid of my baby. I just said AIBU to be a bit disappointed. Hardly a mountain out of a molehill.

Yes I was disappointed. Doubly so when it transpired the bloody underwear didn't even fit me. Yes I was briefly angry after the mop comment.

He's acknowledged he didn't think. He's acknowledged that buying a pregnant woman underwear (particularly one who doesn't like underwear as a gift anyway) is perhaps a stupid idea.

I've accepted the apology. And now I don't feel like I am being trussed up like a Valentine's Day sex chicken for his delight I can acknowledge that it's a pretty set and agree to try it in a size up.

I can appreciate he had good taste in underwear even though poor taste in appropriate presents. Etc etc.

OP posts:
jerriblank · 14/02/2021 20:02

@OnceUponAThread

He just asked (again) if I liked my gift and I said it's nice but feels more like a present for you than for me and it's not really ideal at the mo with me being pregnant.

He's gone off on one and said it was really expensive, and I'm ungrateful, and he was just trying to make me feel sexy and loved.

Then he said he will return it and get me a mop instead. HmmHmmHmm

So now I'm really disappointed.Angry

Of course the only two gifts appropriate for women:

Lingerie or cleaning supplies.

What a misogynistic bastard.

BBCONEANDTWO · 14/02/2021 20:05

Gawd he bought the present for himself not for you - lot of thought - yes a lot of thought for what he'd like to see you in.
Just completely thoughtless and selfish IMO.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 14/02/2021 20:20

@AbsitivelyPosolutely

"Posh chocs"

🤢

I came here to express this exact sentiment
NiceGerbil · 14/02/2021 20:29

Not read the whole thread.

YANBU it's a gift for him.

From your follow up it seems your options are

Sexy underwear or
A mop

He sounds lovely :/

Crayfishforyou · 14/02/2021 20:44

Hurray for sitting down and having a conversation like adults.
I was going to suggest smacking him round the face with the mop but that clearly isn’t necessary.
Happy Valentine’s Day!

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