Page 3 | Gift disappointment

BackforGood · 14/02/2021 15:39

I agree with I may be incorrect here, but I wonder if some men buy lingerie as a complement to their partner rather than seeing it as a gift to themselves? Hence why he might feel crestfallen that the gift wasn’t a big success and all the others on here saying similar.

I mean I also agree that a coat is ridiculously OTT, but I know that isn't what you were asking about.

Obviously, only you know your partner, but I feel a bit sorry for him here - he thought he was putting thought into it and getting you something lovely. You should take the 'thought' even though it wasn't what you wanted, and then have a conversation with him afterwards about what you might actually want, another year.

Original poster

OnceUponAThread · 14/02/2021 15:41

Not sure the comments telling me not to have a child with him are helpful. It's a bit too late for that. Even if I were to reconsider the relationship, I'm not going to reconsider my pregnancy.

In answer to all other questions. He can be thoughtless but usually in a "didn't think" way. He's not usually vindictive or nasty at all. And is normally caring and loving.

I was disappointed about the underwear, however, I am absolutely spitting feathers about the mop comment.

Really revolting and given he does the vast majority of the housework not even in line with how he usually thinks / acts.

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YukoandHiro · 14/02/2021 15:41

@PurpleKoala

The mop comment is disgusting. Women are either mumsy skivvies or sex objects then? Either way, they are serving him. Is he always like this?

This is exactly what you should say to him if he doesn't apologise for being in a grump when you told him the truth

Eckhart · 14/02/2021 15:45

Really revolting and given he does the vast majority of the housework not even in line with how he usually thinks / acts

He doesn't think he's doing the housework as a favour to you, does he? It sounds a bit like it. The mop comment is worse than the bad present, I think. Fully designed to put you down, and actively nasty rather than just thoughtless.

Benjispruce2 · 14/02/2021 15:47

Wow. How ungrateful you are. Can’t help think you’re in for a lifetime of disappointment.

Original poster

OnceUponAThread · 14/02/2021 15:47

All the comments saying that the coat was OTT are cracking me up.

He had mentioned he'd always coveted a specific thing (e.g. a Barbour jacket, though not that) but that he'd never bought one because he couldn't justify the expense.

I spotted the exact item in a really good sale. Bought it. He was absolutely thrilled to get the thing he'd had his eye on for years.

That's quite normal gift giving in our relationship. I always try to get him something he'd love but wouldn't buy for himself.

I'd rather spend a bit more on something that will be cherished than blow money on tat that will be forgotten or binned in a few weeks.

This is pretty standard in our relationship. A few years ago for Valentine's Day he bought be some boots I'd had my eyes on for ages but couldn't justify.

In that context (and the context of us being together for years and knowing what is usual) the coat was not remotely OTT.

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diddl · 14/02/2021 15:47

He sounds ridiculous & nasty now with the mop comment & calling you ungrateful.

Wtf can't he just say sorry & return the stuff?

IloveFebruary · 14/02/2021 15:49

Urgh, I’d hate sexy underwear as a “gift” at the best of times, but pregnant? Sorry, but that’s a no from me.

The fact he’s now in a strop because you’ve been honest, even more unattractive. He’s the baby around here, that’s for sure.

Original poster

OnceUponAThread · 14/02/2021 15:49

@growinggreyer

A mop? Guess he is getting a lovely Toilet Duck set and all the accessories for his birthday this year!

Oooh. Excellent birthday idea.

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Benjispruce2 · 14/02/2021 15:51

I only read the op.

PurpleKoala · 14/02/2021 15:51

Eckhart . Yes, many times, thanks for asking. But this is the OP's thread, so I don't want to go into my issues here. I

f it's any comfort to the OP or anyone else, my local supermarket this morning was full of men dragging their kids around and grabbing the shitty rose bouquets, Ferrero Rochers and scratching their heads over the dine in for 2 section. I am guessing they will all want a medal too.

AntiHop · 14/02/2021 15:55

That mop comment would have made me mad too. He's got a lot of apologising to do.

saraclara · 14/02/2021 15:56

So he'd already told you that he'd really tried to get you something nice and genuinely thought you'd love it. You're pregnant and he thought he was reassuring you that he still finds you sexy and adores you.
He's probably read all the articles about pregnant women feeling fat and unattractive and was trying to do the right thing.

I'd cut him some slack, to be honest. He really thought this through, even though he did get it wrong. However close a couple is, they can't read each others' minds. At least he wasn't one of the many men I saw in Tesco late last night, grabbing random flowers and a card at the last minute.

He would have been really hurt that you told him you thought he'd bought it for himself. I know many men do that, but in this case I think he genuinely wanted to send you a message that you're still gorgeous.

Spied · 14/02/2021 15:56

Through the underwear he's telling you he loves and desires you.
I'd prefer chocolate or flowers personally however underwear is a totally acceptable Valentine's gift imo. It's indulgent and personal.

I'd not appreciate a coat.

Spied · 14/02/2021 15:57

Even a very expensive one.

Original poster

OnceUponAThread · 14/02/2021 15:57

@saraclara

So he'd already told you that he'd really tried to get you something nice and genuinely thought you'd love it. You're pregnant and he thought he was reassuring you that he still finds you sexy and adores you. He's probably read all the articles about pregnant women feeling fat and unattractive and was trying to do the right thing.

I'd cut him some slack, to be honest. He really thought this through, even though he did get it wrong. However close a couple is, they can't read each others' minds. At least he wasn't one of the many men I saw in Tesco late last night, grabbing random flowers and a card at the last minute.

He would have been really hurt that you told him you thought he'd bought it for himself. I know many men do that, but in this case I think he genuinely wanted to send you a message that you're still gorgeous.

Yes I think this is probably what he was doing. He did seem gutted so I think he was trying to do a nice thing.

Unfortunately mop-gate has taken things from bad to worse.

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Original poster

OnceUponAThread · 14/02/2021 15:59

@Spied

Even a very expensive one.

Even if it was one you'd specifically said you'd wanted for years but never been able to justify buying yourself?

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Original poster

OnceUponAThread · 14/02/2021 16:00

I think some people seem to be thinking I am upset about relative costs of presents. That's not it at all. I think the underwear probably cost the same as (if not more than) the coat.

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Sittingonabench · 14/02/2021 16:02

@PurpleKoala haha! Your post made me laugh as that’s exactly what my DH got me. I don’t mind as I love Ferraro Rocher (not so fussed on roses) and he got slippers and a kinder egg off me. Then we got a Mac Donald’s for our valentines meal 🤣 we don’t take it seriously though and this year is a bit of a write off.

Original poster

OnceUponAThread · 14/02/2021 16:02

[quote Sittingonabench]@PurpleKoala haha! Your post made me laugh as that’s exactly what my DH got me. I don’t mind as I love Ferraro Rocher (not so fussed on roses) and he got slippers and a kinder egg off me. Then we got a Mac Donald’s for our valentines meal 🤣 we don’t take it seriously though and this year is a bit of a write off.[/quote]
Very jealous of your McD's. Would love a Valentine's Day cheeseburger 🍔

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LouiseTrees · 14/02/2021 16:03

@OnceUponAThread

AIBU to be annoyed by my Valentine's Day gift. For context I got him his favourite posh chocs and also a coat that he's always wanted but thought was too expensive to treat himself to. He was thrilled.

He got me... sexy underwear. I'd be underwhelmed at the best of times because I think that's a gift for the guy not the girl really. And I'm sure I've told him that I'm not keen on undies as a present before.

But also. We recently found out that I'm pregnant, and so tbh it's the last thing I want. I appreciate that he bought before we knew but couldn't he have returned it and got something else when we found out? Or maybe saved in for a later (disappointing) year.

He really built it up as well saying he'd put loads of thought in and I'd love it and he couldn't wait for me to open. Frankly it feels totally thoughtless and I'd rather have had nothing at all.

He keeps suggesting I try it on and it's just leaving me totally cold. AIBU?

I’d be saying “ dude I’m pregnant, sexy undies will be in closet at least til I’ve had the baby”

diddl · 14/02/2021 16:03

If he was trying to reassure Op that he still finds her attractive-why didn't he just say so?

Are you concerned about him still fancying you whilst your pregnant, Op?

MyFavouriteIsWhoeverlsQuietest · 14/02/2021 16:08

Unless it was the uncomfortable underwired type, I would have loved undies when pregnant tbh - it would have felt that my other half still saw me as sexy rather than mum-to-be and I would never have bought expensive undies for myself - but I am thinking more soft floral silk garments than the kind of strap yourself in bodices or whatnot.
If you have the receipt then swap them. He feels he can't do wrong for doing right - had he got a practical present you'd be on here shouting at a mop being unromantic . I think many men cannot mindread or pick up signals - I would have spelt it out rather than putting the onus on a surprise/unspoken present as a test of how well he knows you.

DancingQueen85 · 14/02/2021 16:09

YABU. I think a coat is a very OTT gift for Valentine's Day. If it was your birthday or anniversary I could understand you being a bit upset but for Valentine's Day that's a bit bizarre. I think you should be feeling grateful that he got you anything at all.

Original poster

OnceUponAThread · 14/02/2021 16:12

Have just tried underwear on and it doesn't fit (either part) so all I am really reassured of is that I have piled on the pounds.

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