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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childminder kicking out child for not being potty trained is she BU?

477 replies

minniemango · 14/02/2021 14:04

My niece is currently not able to attend her childminder as SIL isn't a keyworker. SIL has contacted childminder about care resuming from March 8th and been told she will only have DN back if SIL can guarantee she will have no accidents.
Is the childminder being unreasonable, is this even allowed?
DN is 5 and in Reception, no SEN.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 14/02/2021 14:05

I wouldn't expect a NT 5 year old to be having accidents tbh.

HangOnToYourself · 14/02/2021 14:06

A school aged child should really be fully potty trained anyway. Presumably this is to reduce the risk with covid? Not sure how any parent can guarantee no accidents tho.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 14/02/2021 14:06

With no SEN she should be potty trained

purplemunkey · 14/02/2021 14:06

She’s at school and not potty trained? Sorry, this is a problem I think.

Donotgogentle · 14/02/2021 14:07

She should be fully potty trained but can still have accidents at that age. Was it frequent?

Aprilx · 14/02/2021 14:07

I would have thought she could accept whatever clients she pleases so long as there is no discrimination involved. If no SEN then this doesn’t seem discriminatory.

Rose789 · 14/02/2021 14:08

I would not expect a 5 year old NT child to be having accidents. This must be a regular occurrence for the childminder to be bringing this up.

Soubriquet · 14/02/2021 14:08

They aren’t allowed to discriminate against potty trained children so yanbu

Check out the ERIC website

Ds (almost 6) is potty trained but even he has had the occasional accident at school.

Brefugee · 14/02/2021 14:08

Is the childminder being unreasonable, is this even allowed?

I'm pretty sure the state isn't forcing childminders to take all-comers. As with so many services, childminders can choose who they take on. And it's pretty much a seller's market right now. (I'd also suggest getting the child checked over though, they shouldn't be having frequent toilet accidents at that age - i assumed from the title that it would be a 3 year old)

OverTheRainbow88 · 14/02/2021 14:08

It’s illegal as is discriminating

Donotgogentle · 14/02/2021 14:09

Our school keeps spare pants and tracksuit bottoms for Reception children. It’s not that unusual to have the odd accident at that age.

Thehop · 14/02/2021 14:10

Your niece is toilet trained yes?

No parent can guarantee no accidents. But I’d expect it to be very rare for a 5 year old who’s NT.

Original poster
minniemango · 14/02/2021 14:10

DN has been potty trained since she was 3 and is dry, but she has been a nightmare with poos. She does have either full poo accidents or dirty pants most days and the childminder had expressed before lockdown that she didn't want to deal with changing DN every day.

OP posts:
Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 14/02/2021 14:10

What type of accidents? The occasional not making it to the toilet is normal and it would be unreasonable for the childminder to make an issue if this. But regular accidents would suggest she hasn’t been toilet trained or she should go to the doctors. If she hasn’t been toilet trained properly then the childminder is not being unreasonable.

My 4 year old was wetting himself regularly in reception (a couple of times a week) and I didn’t know what to do as they were definitely potty trained. Turned out they had Type 1 diabetes (frequent urination is a common symptom). So worth your SIL checking if there’s a health reason if her daughter is wetting herself frequently.

Aprilx · 14/02/2021 14:10

@Soubriquet

They aren’t allowed to discriminate against potty trained children so yanbu

Check out the ERIC website

Ds (almost 6) is potty trained but even he has had the occasional accident at school.

Discrimination in a legal sense relates to nine protected characteristics. Potty trained is not a protected characteristic, so this cannot be discrimination. (As OP has already confirmed no SEN).
Noodledoodledoo · 14/02/2021 14:10

Agree with others, unless there is an underlying reason why they are having accidents I would expect a 5 year old to be dry.

BunnyRuddington · 14/02/2021 14:11

I would not expect a 5 year old NT child to be having accidents. This must be a regular occurrence for the childminder to be bringing this up.

That's exactly what I thought. No parent can guarantee there won't be any accidents, I'm not sure how you would but this must be a frequent occurrence fir the CM to bring it up. How often are the accidents taking place?

It's not usual for a child of 3 or 4 to be having an odd accident but if DN is NT I think most have realised that doing it in their pants is pretty antisocial.

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 14/02/2021 14:11

@minniemango

DN has been potty trained since she was 3 and is dry, but she has been a nightmare with poos. She does have either full poo accidents or dirty pants most days and the childminder had expressed before lockdown that she didn't want to deal with changing DN every day.
Sorry cross post. L I couldn’t be dealing with that- the childminder is not being unreasonable. Has SIL taken your niece to the GP?
Original poster
minniemango · 14/02/2021 14:11

@OverTheRainbow88

It’s illegal as is discriminating
Is this true? Childminder has said she can choose who she has and isn't legally obliged to take children if she can't deal with them.
OP posts:
emilyfrost · 14/02/2021 14:13

Of course it’s allowed.

The childminder isn’t being unreasonable; she can pick and choose her own clients for whatever reasons she wants.

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 14/02/2021 14:13

I can imagine changing a 5 year old for poo accidents every day must be annoying and take quite some time. I think it is reasonable for a childminder to say no.

Same4Walls · 14/02/2021 14:13

Has your sister not taken your niece to the doctors? Surely she's not just expecting the childminder to continue to change her indefinitely without trying to get to the root cause of the accidents?

emilyfrost · 14/02/2021 14:13

@OverTheRainbow88

It’s illegal as is discriminating
No it’s not.
HitchFlix · 14/02/2021 14:13

Can't say I blame her OP. I wouldn't want to be cleaning up 5yo poo every day. Your sister needs to get that under control. See a professional isn't she can't sort it out.

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 14/02/2021 14:14

Is this true? Childminder has said she can choose who she has and isn't legally obliged to take children if she can't deal with them.

Not true - discrimination can only be based on protected characteristics.