Moral Dilema

[Loveacoseynightin]

Hi, I've got a bit of a moral dilema and asking the good folks of Mumsnet for their opinion on this.

I have 2 daughters who will be spending the half term week at their dads. I am in receipt of free school meals vouchers for them.

Should I give dad the vouchers or use them for my weekly shop?

AIBU to use them for the shop when I haven't got them?

I'd give them to the father as they are to provide food for your children in the holidays. Unless you have already purchased food for them and will be sending it with them?

I'd give them to whoever's most skint.

If he can afford his week's shop without them, spend them on your shop for when the DC get home.

Does their father pay a regular and fair maintenance amount or is him withholding cash the reason you get the vouchers in the first place?

More background required please

Were you given them on the basis of your income? Or both your income?

If just yours I'd keep them but maybe send them off with a few snacks or something.

Does he need them? Rightfully they are for the kids lunch so he should have them, but if he can easily afford to feed them then use them for yourself. If not them give the, to him.

They should go to whoever is feeding the kids that week.
That's what they are for

Depends, I’d give them to him if he will struggle to feed them without, they are to feed your kids not yourself, however, if he’s living the life of Riley with plenty cash whilst you normally struggle, bugger him, buy your weekly shop and a couple of nice treats.

Does he need the vouchers? If he will struggle to feed them then give them to him.

If you are short of money and he isn't, then use the money to stock up on stuff you'll use when the children are home.

I think this is going to depend on circumstance. Whilst I accept the premise that they are for the children for that week, I could be persuaded that certain circumstances (OP receiving little/no maintenance despite other parent’s high income) would make it ok for OP to retain them. If the father is paying a decent amount of maintenance and is supportive with other expenditure OP needs to hand them over.

Whoever is feeding the children that week should use the vouchers IMO.

The vouchers are for providing food for your kids during the holidays. They should be used for that purpose. If your ex is feeding the kids for a week, he should have them. At the very least, you need to offer them to him. If he refuses them, then use them for stock items to be used when the kids are with you.

Depends on your relative financial positions. If he's wealthy and doesn't need them but you're skint then you should keep them. If your financial positions are similar and he pays maintenance then I'd give them to him.

Are they not the ‘children’s’ vouchers, therefore whoever is feeding the children should get them.

If he can afford to feed them then I'd let him get on with it and then use the vouchers for food for them next week. We were told by school that the government vouchers for the week after half term are going to be late as they won't be sent to schools until Feb 22nd so I'd keep your vouchers to use then.

Ex could be stinking rich and OP living on the breadline. Do people usually send dc off to dad's with a days / weekends worth of food, I think not.
OP unless he's going to really struggle to feed them then you keep the vouchers, buy some pancake day treats and don't feel a bit guilty.

As above - depends on circumstances.

Assume the child maintenance payments are set to reflect that he has (feeds too) he DC for a certain number of days of the year so he would cover their costs on his days.

But if he is skint, I'd either pass the vouchers to him or do a shop of their favourites and send them with the DC.

Does he need them? Does he pay a decent amount and have them a lot? More detail needed

Do what is best for your children.

It would be a bit shit if you not to offer them to him. They are intended to benefit your children, so they should follow your children.

If your ex says you can keep them, then use them to shop for the time that you next have your children with you, not for the shop that will be used while they are away.

@BestestBrownies

Does their father pay a regular and fair maintenance amount or is him withholding cash the reason you get the vouchers in the first place?

More background required please

Maintenance is not counted in a persons yearly income for benefits.

I think the vouchers should be spent on the children they’re for, so either send the vouchers with them or use them when the children are back with you. Don’t use them for shopping while the children are away.

Depends

Does he need them?
Does he pay maintenance?

Depends if their Dad has financial worries or is very comfortable tbh.

If he has affluent £ for food then I wouldn't bother tbh.

I suppose it depends on whether you get the vouchers because you are on a low income and therefore entitled to free school meals, or if it's because your children are in year 2 or below and are entitled due to age.

If it's because either you or your ex are on a low income, then the voucher should go to the person with the low income.

If its age related free school meals then it should go to whomever has care for the child on half term week.

Surprised at all the posters saying he doesn’t get them if he’s already “well off”. They’re for the kids. You never see it said that a number doesn’t need maintenance if she’s “well off”