Moral Dilema

[Loveacoseynightin]

Hi, I've got a bit of a moral dilema and asking the good folks of Mumsnet for their opinion on this.

I have 2 daughters who will be spending the half term week at their dads. I am in receipt of free school meals vouchers for them.

Should I give dad the vouchers or use them for my weekly shop?

AIBU to use them for the shop when I haven't got them?

Would you hand him £30 to ‘look after’ his own children for a week under any other circumstances

How is it any different to the OP being handed the £30 to provide for her own children?

They're for the kids. The only reason NOT to give to them would be if he would fail to spend them.

The other argument is that the OP gets these vouchers because she is presumably on a low income. So, unless her ex would also be entitled to vouchers for the children if he was the primary carer, the OP should keep them since they're income-contingent.

I can see both sides.

unless her ex would also be entitled to vouchers for the children if he was the primary carer, the OP should keep them since they're income-contingent.

They’re child contingent. They are for the children’s food.

You should probably give them to the dad. Unless he definitely doesn't need them. You could ask him?

But they're given because it is recognised that, without them, the DC would have an inadequate standard of living in the OP's house.

@MessAllOver

But they're given because it is recognised that, without them, the DC would have an inadequate standard of living in the OP's house.

So the op should return them to the council if the dad doesn’t need them.

Those vouchers are for feeding the children over half term.

Do what will benefit your kids

If they will get better fed if their Dad has them give them to him. If he is OK for money and you are not, keep them and try and use some of the money to stock up.

If they aren’t income assessed / neither of you need them donate the cash equivalent to the food bank, and use them for your shopping. Don’t give them back - the government isn’t supporting food banks enough so do it for them.

I got an email on Friday from dd's school saying no free school meal vouchers were being provided this half term? I don't receive them so no idea if the government have changed this since Friday?

I'm leaning towards keeping them and buying food for next week. These vouchers are based on the Mother's income. It really depends on both incomes and how much child maintenance is paid too though.

They are for food for the children. However, if the father can easily afford to feed them and they wouldn't be on FSM if they lived with him then I would use them for the children over the next couple of weeks instead.

@PurpleDaisies. Come on . The support we give to families in this country is hardly generous. If the OP can save a bit of money from the shopping bill and put some aside and her ex doesn't need the vouchers, she should definitely do that.

They may be given by means testing but they are simply vouchers for what those children eat that week. They are not compensation for poor living conditions.

I would use them to stock up on some store cupboard essentials to free up more food money for the weekly shop.

But confused where the dilemma is? The vouchers are for the children’s lunch’s over half term to replace a lunch they would normally receive in school. So they go to whoever is feeding the children. Or am I missing something here?

If he can afford to pay himself then no, keep them and buy extra
Cupboard stores for future needs. If he's financially wobbly then he's going to need the vouchers to buy whilst the children are with him

I've been thinking about it. The vouchers are intended to benefit the children. So if he can easily afford to feed the children and the vouchers will only benefit him by saving him money then I think you should use them for the children when they are with you. If the children would benefit from him having the vouchers then I think they should go with the children.

@Dee1975

But confused where the dilemma is? The vouchers are for the children’s lunch’s over half term to replace a lunch they would normally receive in school. So they go to whoever is feeding the children. Or am I missing something here?

Exactly. They are for the children's lunches over Half Term wherever that may be IMO. I don't get the dilemma really.

I would offer them to dad (regardless of circumstance or his financial position as they are for the children’s lunches) he may or may not take them :)

Depends on his contribution towards your children? Does he pay fair maintenance? Are you in a similar financial position? If he avoids usually funding his children no way would I send him them, I'd stock up on some stuff for them when they're with you!

I don't think theirs anything wrong with you keeping them. My SC are here for half term, their mum will receive food vouchers for them but she struggles and we don't so we wouldn't take them even if she offered.

If fsm have been granted on calculation of your household wage only then I'd keep them and get ahead with the weekly shop.
If their DF is struggling financially then I'd offer the vouchers so I knew dc wouldn't be going without.

Give them to their dad. It's free school meals for your kids, not you. He has the kids, he has the vouchers

@MessAllOver

But they're given because it is recognised that, without them, the DC would have an inadequate standard of living in the OP's house.

Yes, but the kids are not at her house during this period of time

Looking through the replies it appears 50/50.

What is a fair maintenance payment? My ex pays 400 a month for maintenance. He is aware the girls qualify for free school meals.

I know he earns about 2.5k a month but have no idea what his finances are like.

I would stock up on essentials, if I were you. He has over £2K to himself - he doesn't need the FSM money.