Moral Dilema

[Loveacoseynightin]

Hi, I've got a bit of a moral dilema and asking the good folks of Mumsnet for their opinion on this.

I have 2 daughters who will be spending the half term week at their dads. I am in receipt of free school meals vouchers for them.

Should I give dad the vouchers or use them for my weekly shop?

AIBU to use them for the shop when I haven't got them?

The point is @BillMasen that they are to ensure the kids are adequately fed. If that will happen anyway when they are with their dad but things are really tight with the OP then better she uses them to stock up the cupboard a bit for when they come home. Nobody's suggesting she treat herself to shrimp and champagne in their absence. And yes, if their dad's hard up they should go to him.

The vouchers are for the kids but surely that means they should be used where the kids will benefit from them the most. The OP's hardly going to be rolling in cash if she gets the free school vouchers.

@Porcupineintherough

The point is *@BillMasen that they are to ensure the kids are adequately fed. If that will happen anyway when they are with their dad but things are really tight with the OP* then better she uses them to stock up the cupboard a bit for when they come home. Nobody's suggesting she treat herself to shrimp and champagne in their absence. And yes, if their dad's hard up they should go to him.

So as maintenance is to pay for the kids and the mum is wealthy she’s shouldn’t get it and the dad is ok not to pay?

@Firevixen

I suppose it depends on whether you get the vouchers because you are on a low income and therefore entitled to free school meals, or if it's because your children are in year 2 or below and are entitled due to age.

If it's because either you or your ex are on a low income, then the voucher should go to the person with the low income.

If its age related free school meals then it should go to whomever has care for the child on half term week.

I agree with this

@Firevixen

I suppose it depends on whether you get the vouchers because you are on a low income and therefore entitled to free school meals, or if it's because your children are in year 2 or below and are entitled due to age.

If it's because either you or your ex are on a low income, then the voucher should go to the person with the low income.

If its age related free school meals then it should go to whomever has care for the child on half term week.

Universal Free School Meals recipients (i.e. Reception, Year 1 and Year2) who receive free meals when attending school are not receiving vouchers during school closure, only those entitled for low income reasons. Universal FSM recipients attending school e.g. due to parents being key workers will continue to receive FSM, but not those at home, unless entitled for other reasons.

If a nr father is skint his maintenance payments will be minimal and mum will shoulder the cost of bringing up the kids regardless of how much money she does or doesnt have.

Can you use them to get food for when DCs are home again? So things like pasta and cereal this week, and focus more in fresh foods next week when you have them back?

That is assuming that DF is not struggling for money and can well afforded to feed them while they are at his.

Yanbu to keep them! You’ve received them because you have a low income -nothing to do with your ex.

I’d only consider handing them over if he was going to struggle to feed the kids over the week.

Use them to stock up on non perishables to make the next few weeks a bit easier.

What would he say if offered them? DSDs mum gets these and if she offered them to us (which she doesn’t now I come to think of it) we’d say don’t worry and just use them for when DSD comes back

They should go to whoever is feeding them for the week unless their dad is very well off and doesn’t need them then they’ll be more use for you to use them when they return - I would assume in this case though their dad will tell you to keep the vouchers.

They should go to whoever is feeding the children over half term.

This is either a reverse or there’s going to be a drip feed.

Unless there is a massive back sorry here I would say their father should have the money to buy the children's lunches while they are with him.

During both this lockdown & lockdown one my dsc have spent alternate weeks with us and their dm. Dm has always sent us the vouchers on our 'weeks' as they are for the children & we're paying to feed them on our weeks. I believe that this is the correct course of action, of course both myself & dh are furloughed & if we were on full pay I might feel differently...

Depends on who is struggling more, you or their father.

Whoever is feeding the children should have them. If he doesn’t need them return them to the school.

As a side note, child support has no bearings on them whatsoever as it’s not counted for benefit claims regardless of the amount. It’s irrelevant anyway as both parents not just one should be supporting the children financially.

My dsis always offers hers to the DC's dad when they are with him, but he refuses because he's on a decent wage and doesn't need them (and he's not an arse).

So if your DCs dad is fair and decent, ask him if he needs/wants them. If he's an arse who doesn't pay a decent amount of maintenance, or see his DCs very often, then keep them for yourself, use them when the kids come back.

The vouchers will be spent on the kids either way though?

@LouHotel

This is either a reverse or there’s going to be a drip feed.

If they ever bother coming back.

I can never understand people who start threads and then fuck straight off. At least have the manners to hang around for a couple of posts, to answer any questions.

Give them to the dad.

🙄

Not really a moral dilemma, they're for the children's lunches. Either give them to their dad, or use them to stock up on food for the dc

Would you hand him £30 to ‘look after’ his own children for a week under any other circumstances?

Do you share 50/50 care?

If yes to then give him the vouchers
If no then spend them yourself on the children’s meals.

You offer them to their dad, and if he doesn't want them then you can spend them.

Would you hand him £30 to ‘look after’ his own children for a week under any other circumstances?
This is an unusual circumstance. Those vouchers are for lunches during school holidays. He has the children during the holidays. The vouchers should be going with the children.